Well, We're Not Alone Now
by Aerial Arabella
Summary: Rhea, Aerial, circus performer, thought it was going to be another people watching night in the pub. After noticing Alex Turner brooding over his drinks, she heads his way, after all she had dreamt about this moment enough times, why not make it real? When Alex decides to accompany her home, they have yet to realise the affect it will have on both their different lives
1. Well We're Not Alone Now

**- Well, We're Not Alone Now - **

_Leather jacket, collar popped like Cantona,_

_Never knowing when to stop,_

_Sunglasses indoors, par for the course_

The glass seemed to fall in slow motion, silently smashing into a ridiculous amount of pieces on the stone floor of the pub. It was the usual situation; drunk men and women writhing around with no special awareness what so ever. Arms, arses and legs flying everywhere, knocking everything over in their unstable paths. I couldn't condemn them though, as I had been doing the very same thing the other night and had paid for it this morning. And here I was again, not even drinking, just people watching.

When I realised that no one was going to clear up the glass, finishing my drink in one gulp, I rose. I went to where I had glimpsed a dust pan and brush earlier, because I am just one of those girls who notices that stuff, wedged up behind a chair, next to a door that said 'Staff Only'. Pushing past the sweaty bodies, I cast a sly glance at the man who was sitting at the bar, shades covering what I knew to be beautiful brown eyes. I wouldn't say I was the sort of girl who would freak out if a 'celebrity' suddenly walked into a bar I was inhabiting, however I am defiantly the sort of girl who walks past them a few times just so I can make sure they are actually real and not a figment of my imagination. Hence my helpfulness in cleaning up the glass, the rout to collect the dust pan and brush took me right past the bar where Alex Turner, lead singer of the Arctic Monkeys, was sitting.

As I glided back, or at least I hoped it looked like I was gliding, I took another glance at Alex to see he had taken off his shades and was staring moodily at the drinks on the other side of the bar, chewing his lip. To say the least I almost dropped the brush and dust pan. No one should be allowed to look that good. Quickly as I could, I brushed up the glass, shoving many a sticky body away from the sparkling pile of sharpness.

I made my way to the bar and decided that I was going to act cool. Something that I found hard to do as I was someone who succumbed to being extremely quite when faced with someone I didn't know. I assure you there is a difference between being aloof and cool, and just being quiet and withdrawn.

This being my usual alcoholic haunt I was known to the staff there and to my relief my favourite barman, Sid, was at the counter sliding Alex some dark looking drink. Looking up he saw me and smiled and then frowned when he saw what I was carrying. This movement and interesting facial expressions made Alex turn his head and look at me. I was too nervous to meet his eyes, so I stayed looking at Sid. I slid onto a bar stool next to Alex and thrust the dust pan and brush towards Sid's tiny waiting hands.

"What the hell happened?" Sid shouted over the noise of the music and conversation that suddenly seemed to have risen all-round the bar.

"A lady's drunk ass decided that it didn't like the drink so it hit it!" I shouted back.

Hearing a chuckle over the din, I turned to see Alex watching me, a smile playing on his lips. I gave a quick smile back, before turning towards to the now exasperated barman.

"That's the fifth glass tonight" He grumbled, snatching the pan from the wooden bar top and shoving it into some unknown place underneath.

Smiling at me, Sid said "I suppose you deserve a free drink for clearing it up"

"That would be lovely, thank you. I'll have a Dandelion and Burdock please hun" I said in, laying my head to rest on my hands. I was so exhausted these days, the intense training I was doing for our new show was insane. Well I suppose that's what you expect from the National School for Circus Arts. "No Pain, No Gain!" was our moto.

Escaping from my sleep deprived thoughts, I smiled at Sid when he put the drink next to my head, my favorite blue coloured straw pointing skywards. Condensation dripped down the bottle; I dragged my finger across the glass, enjoying the cool feeling against my burning finger. Nothings better than a Dandelion and Burdock when one feels exhausted and you're in an overheated pub. Fact.

Lifting my head, leaning on my elbows I bent over and rapped my lips around the straw taking a delightfully bubbly mouthful. As the fizzy drink trickled down my throat I became aware of Sid talking me.

"Not much of them left now," he said, indicating the bottle of deliciousness "everybody wants Lemonade these days, we've been wondering if we should bother getting anymore next time an order is due"

I gasped. "Lemonade is _completely_ over rated" I said, sitting up straight "The distinguished and unique taste of Dandelion and Burdock trumps the too sweet sugariness of Lemonade any day! It's an old classic in my family."

He put up his hands in mock defense against my anguished outburst. "I know that and I agree, it's just we have to cater to the customer's needs and we can't afford to pay for a drink that nobody is going to buy anymore." He gave a shrug and turned to comply with some shouting costumer's demands.

Putting the straw back in my mouth, I chewed on it, brooding over peoples misjudgments. When I had calmed back down, I felt the stare against the side of my head. Turning I met the chocolate swirls of Alex's eyes as they bored into my slightly intoxicated skull.

"Sup?" I said, trying not to blush when he smiled.

He turned his body fully towards mine. "Oh you know, in a bar, on my own, on Saturday night"

I smiled and positioned my arm on the bar so I could lean my head comfortably on my hand. "Well if it helps, I too am in a bar, on my own, on Saturday night." I gave a small shrug and took another pull of my drink. As an afterthought, lifting my brows in suggestion, I added "And now we can be alone together….in a bar…on Saturday night."

He chuckled, turning away to capture his drink in his strong and elegant hands. Those hands. How many times had I marveled at them as they played a soul stirring riff, expressed discomfort and delight. Those hands that I had never before thought to witness this close up. Half a meter to be exact. For the second time in my life I was jealous of a glass.

So we talked, about over rated drinks, music, seasons and about the pros and cons of split second decisions. What we didn't talk about was what he did. Never did he mention that he was in one of the biggest British rock and roll bands of the last 10 years. I found this refreshing, warming to him even more. There is always a slight fear that when you meet an Idol they are going to ruin the very image of themselves. The one you have painstakingly built to fill up your fantasies and adventures when life is dull. There were differences about his character of course. His voice for instance sounded different, more flowing and silky to how it sounded when recorded. Another beautiful something that I found was his laugh. No camera had ever been able to fully capture the full transformation of his face when he laughed. I would say it was like the sun coming out from behind the clouds, but his un laughing face does not resemble clouds and his smile most certainly does not look like the sun, it was something else entirely. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on.

After a while I excused myself to the bathroom, needing pee as I had consumed a rather large amount of drinks this evening. After doing my business I washed my hands and inspected myself in the mirror. My cheeks were flushed from the heat and my blue eyes sparkled. My blondish hair was in complete disarray, it had been raining when I arrived at the pub, making it fluff, I had hastily put it in a messy bun, however stray hair had managed to escape, curling around my ears. I admit that I loved my body, it was toned after many hours of hard training that I had endured since I had moved up to London, my breasts were on the large side, having gotten my mother's genes and my hair had a slight curl in it when left to itself. I knew I was good looking, I saw the way men and women looked at me, however my confidence wasn't that great. I knew my ears stuck out and I had a rather large nose. When I was 12 I had decided to get a nose piecing with my mother, the result was quite lovely. It took your attention away from the beak and onto the shining blue ring which sparkled in the light.

I made my way out of the toilets, back to where Alex was resting his legs on my seat to make sure that nobody nicked it. He removed them as I came and sat down. Pulling my bag off from the floor I searched for my phone, suddenly becoming aware of how long I had been in the pub for. The bright screen lit up, eliminating my face in what was probably a very unflattering way. I sighed in resignation when I saw the time, having arrived here at 8:00pm, I had been here for a good four and half hours, it was now 12:32pm. Putting my phone back l looked up at Alex who had been watching the whole time with his careful eyes.

"I am really sorry; I'm going have to leave. It's getting quite late and too be quite honest London gets a bit dangerous for a someone like me."

"Oh, ok then" he said, a slight frown marring his sun kissed face. I smiled sadly, an experience from when the first time I moved up over a year ago had haunted me to this day, making me ever aware of the dangers of drunk men on the streets.

I got off my stool, putting my bag over my shoulder, suddenly awkward, I wasn't really sure what to say.

Smiling again, I gave a sad chuckle and then blurted out "It's times like this I wish I was famous so I could have bodyguard or something. Or a boyfriend..." Embarrassed at what he thought I might be hinting, I looked at the floor. "Well bye, it was nice meeting you". He was quiet and still, so I took it as my time to leave. As I turned and headed to the door I felt a warm strong hand gently grab my shoulder and turn me around.

He smiled his lovely enduring smile and said "Just wait a minute. I'll walk you to where ever you're going, it can't be that far and I have nothing better to do than sit here and mope" With that he walked back to the bar, grabbed his expensive, but well-worn leather jacket, and returned to me.

_...Oh, what a way to begin it all..._


	2. You've Never Had a Hot Toddy?

**-You Don't Know What a Hot Toddy Is?-**

_So we all go back to yours and you sit and talk to me on the floor_

_There's no need to show me round baby, I feel like I've been in here before_

The cold hit me with a stinging vividity, making me pull my hood up and clutch my coat tighter against my once overheated body. The snow swirled around Alex and I, unconsciously we moved closer together, brushing shoulders, as if to gather heat between our bodies. Winter was upon us with vengeance this year. For once it looked like we were going to have white Christmas.

Turning to Alex, catching his eye in the darkened London street, I took a deep breath. "I just want you to know that it is a little while to where I live, you really don't have to come with me"

I bit my lip and looked down at the icy stones of the pavement. I really did want him to come back with me, even if it was just to walk back to my house and then say goodbye, but at the same time I was scared that he might expect more. Don't get me wrong, I do like a bit of a casual one night stands sometimes, I am just that sort of girl, but I just didn't think I could do it tonight. I felt worryingly fragile. I didn't know what had gotten into me.

"Hey, it's ok, I really don't mind Darlin'. I have nothin' better to do, and I'm in the mood for a walk." He chuckled and took my hand, tugging. "Come on, which way is it? I don't know about you, but I am bloody freezin' here."

All at once I was filled with a warmth. I wasn't sure if it was his hand in mine or the joy which had filled my body when he said he would come back. "Come on then." I said, pulling his hand, directing us towards a dimly lit road, that lead away from the pub, into the night.

Where the orange glow from the lights on the road shone, snowflakes twirled and leapt, almost like the butterflies in my stomach. I pointed at them, laughing at their beauty. "Look Alex, aren't they beautiful? Have you ever seen anything so wonderful and free as a dancing snowflake?"

Abruptly, I realised how weird that sounded and seriously hoped I hadn't scared Alex away with my wildly strange imagination. Not hearing anything from him as we walked past a snow laden apple tree, I peaked up to see his face. He was staring at me, laughter played in the creases of his eyes, grinning.

Outraged I snatched my hand out of his. "Are you laughing at me? I was just expressing my delight in the surroundings" I snapped at him, as I sped up walking. Yes it may have sounded a bit weird and it would have been ok if he had looked at me like I was a little crazy, but there is no need to laugh.

"Wait. Wait. I'm sorry." I could here his feet on the pavement as he ran to catch up with my march along the slippery stone. "I weren't laughin' at you in a that way. I were laughing in delight at your ability to express what you see so freely."

I stopped in my tracks. Ok so we had, had a conversation, but to be quite honest it was quite one sided. I had just talked and he offered his opinions in small sentences, nods and noises. He had seemed perfectly fine just to listen to me, even when I apologized for talking so much he urged me to carry on, and I was happy to oblige. So when he sprang this rather long and lovely sentence on me, as you can guess I was surprised. Before I could turn and reply, there was a shove from behind. My foot skidded on the perilously unstable floor. With a "umf", I landed on half stone and half something else. My legs and arms tangled with some unknown was a groan and I struggled to untangle myself when I realised who was below me. It seemed I had stopped just a bit too suddenly. So suddenly that poor Alex hadn't had time to halt before we collided.

"Oh my god. Alex, are you ok?" I lent over his face. His eyes were closed, brow scrunched up.

He opened his eyes, looking slightly bewildered. "Yeah, nothing seems broken. Your heavier than you look you look you know."

Before I could help myself, laughter bubbled over my lips. I slumped down next to him on the freezing concrete and laughed. Thankfully he started to laugh too, as snowflakes fell on our glowing faces.

When the chill started to seep through our layers of clothing and our laughter subsided, Alex sat up and looked down at me, brown hair falling over his eyes. "You know, you have amazing eyes. Very blue and black."

I looked away, sure I was blushing. "Well, so do you." I said quietly " I mean they're not blue and black, but they are very nice, kinda like, urm….I'm not sure really. It's hard to put my finger on."

He smiled his sweet, small smile and offered me his hand which I took without question. "We had better carry on, before either of us get phenomia." He said while pulling me to my feet.

"Ok." Not quite sure what happened back there and shivering, I was happy to carry on walking.

We walked on in a companionable silence, past the houses of the rich Londoners until we finally arrived at my step-grandmother's house where I was living. The house was tall and white, a cold looking vine making its way towards the upstairs window. I pushed the rusty green gate aside as we made our way up to the front door. Fishing the key out of my cluttered bag, I unlocked the two locks with my numb hands. Pushing the door open, I quickly ran to the alarm and entered the code. God knows we didn't want the police turning up if it went off. I looked back to see Alex standing on the outside mat, shivering and looking hesitantly at me.

Looking at his thin leather jacket and tired, but still gorgeous face I made my second split second decision of the night. "Well are you coming in or what?" I said, raising my eyebrows "Did nobody ever tell you that leather jackets are not as warm as they are made out to be?"

A look of relief flashed across his handsome features. "Thanks. And yeah I 'ave been told that, but I don't listen to them."

"Clearly." I said dryly as he walked past me into the warm hallway.

Looking around, he looked confused. "Do you live here all by yourself?"

"No. This is my Gran's house, I'm just living here while I do my Foundation Degree. She's not here at the moment, she's skiing in the Alps."

If I wasn't mistaken that was a smirk that was creeping it's way up his face. His eyes met mine. "So it's just me and you. Alone...together...again."

I gulped. "Yes. And don't you be getting idea's mister. I'm not feeling like that sort of girl tonight. If you're expecting more from me tonight, you've got the wrong idea and you can leave right now." I crossed my arms defensively, one brow raised.

Standing up straight, looking me straight in the eye, he said. "I'm not intending to do anything of the sort. I was just joking around. You just seemed like an interesting woman an' we seemed to be getting on well, so I decided to at least walk you home. That's all I expected of you."

Seeing the sincerity in his eyes, I lowered mine to the cream carpet under my feet. "I'm sorry. Some guys…,well lets just say they expect more than I am willing to give. Sorry"

I felt a hand under my chin, lifting my face up. Dark eyes gazed into mine. "Don't apologize. I understand, I really do." I smiled a sad smile. "Please smile again. Properly. It's funny, you seem to glow, brilliantly, and then you just fade. You're so dark…and yet I am sure you have lit the way for many."

Taken aback, I frowned. "Bloody hell Alex, no need to get all poetic on me, it's not that serious." I turned my head away. "Come on, let's have a hot drink. I am fucking freezing!" I realised that the door was still open and we hadn't even turned the hallway light on. I ran my hand across the wall to where I knew the light switch was. We both squinted in the sudden light that blossomed on the walls and our faces.

Shrugging my jacket off, I draped it on the chair that stood next to the hall table, indicating that he could do the same if he wanted. I shook my head at the white t-shirt that was revealed when he slid off his leather jacket. He smiled apologetically. I couldn't say much though, I was wearing my favorite knee length flower printed blue vintage dress with only some black wool tights to warm my legs. At least I had, had my big brown Bench jacket though.

I lead the way into the kitchen, turning on lights as I went. The kitchen was old fashioned, but in a homely sort of way. There were french windows that lead out into a tiny garden opposite the door. There was a island and cupboards that went up to the ceiling over the sink and cooker on your left. On the other side of the island a big wooden table took over half of the room, a vase of mint sitting peacefully at the end. Photo's covered the walls, some faded and some new. To say the least, it was a very lived in kitchen.

I went over to the electric kettle, filled it with water and set it back in it's base, flicking the switch on.

"I'm gonna make a hot toddy, do you want one, or I've got other drinks?" I said while I took two mugs down from the cupboard over the sink.

"What's a hot toddy?..." Alex said in a confused voice.

I whirled around in disbelief. "Are you telling me you've never had a hot toddy before!?"

He looked slightly embarrassed. "No. Should I have?"

My mouth fell open. "Urm...yeah! Seriously? Well then you are definitely having one."

Seeing his worried look, I rolled my eyes "Look it's really nice, promise. It's an old Irish drink. It's honey and lemon with a large splash of whisky. Just what we need on a night like tonight. I can't actually feel my toes."

"Alright then. If you say so." He said, sitting down in the squashy arm chair.

"Yes I do say so."

He gave a small laugh. It was so strange seeing him here. Somehow he seemed to be too glamorous to be in this old kitchen, but the at the same time he fit in just right. How strange I thought, while I poured the boiling water over the honey and lemon I had put in our two mugs. The steam curled up from the mugs in white wisps.

Making a decision I faced Alex who was leaning back on the chair, eyes closed. His lashes spread a shadow down his cheekbones like crows wings. "Hey, do you wanna go into the lounge, sit by the fire and drink these? There's more comfy armchairs in there, even a couple of sofas if your interested." I smiled when he smiled.

"That sounds great, sweetheart." A warm glow swelled in my stomach. He unfolded his long limbs from the chair.

I passed him his mug, which I had splashed a generous amount of whiskey into.

When we got to the lounge I turned on the soft table light that lit up the shadowed high ceiling of the room. Putting my drink down on the small table opposite the fire I reached and turned the gas on, lighting a match and putting it to the fire place. Flames burst forth warming my face. I silently sent up a prayer of thanks for gas fires. Sure I knew how to light a fire from scratch, but it was such a faf.

I settled myself against the side of the sofa on my left, next to where Alex had settled. My left shoulder lent up against his legs. We both stared into the fire, sipping our drinks, lost in our own thoughts.

After while I pulled myself out of the swirling darkness of my exhausted mind and had a idea. It was quite forward and considering what I had said to him earlier he might get the wrong idea but….

"Al?" I was surprised and pleasantly so, when my lips formed a shorten version of his name.

"Hmm?" Came the answer from above.

"Do you want to stay here tonight?" I blurted out. "I mean you would have to sleep with me as the other rooms are being redone and I insist that you don't sleep on the sofa." Against my will I went on. "And I know what I said earlier, but it's just that its so cold outside and it's late and, well, I suppose I trust you you not to….." I trailed off. My face burned.

"Ok." Came the reply to my ramblings.

I started in surprise and delight as I felt a warm hand on my shoulder and it gave me a small squeeze. I smiled and rested my head against it. 'God, I hardly even know this guy...' My thoughts trailed off as the fingers of the said hand started to gently caress my cheek.

After a while I broke away from him and stood up, my back clicking. He laughed and I didn't mind. Silently we made our way to the stairs and up, leaving our mugs and turning off lights as we went.

I made my way to my bedroom, tiredness blurring my vision. My room was small, but it was mine and you could tell. I had a small bathroom next to it which I turned the light on in as we went past. Turning the light on in my room, I grabbed my Pajamas off my pillow.

"I'm gonna change and brush my teeth. I have a spare toothbrush you can borrow and believe it or not I actually have some mens PJ trousers if you want them. I doubt those jeans are will be very comfy to sleep in."

He smiled at me. Would I ever be able to get over the beauty of that smile. I hope not. "Ok, thanks. Yes jeans are not comfy to sleep in, even worn out ones like these" He pointed towards his legs.

I laughed. "Oh believe me I know." I walked past him over to the small white wardrobe that was in the wall. Opening it, I grabbed the PJ trousers from under a shoe box.

I frowned, when I handed them to him. "Sorry. They're a bit dusty. Been a long time since anyone has needed them."

"It's ok, I've slept in worse" He said, inspecting them.

I raised a skeptical brow. He nodded to the truth in his words.

Turning towards the door, I grabbed the handle. "Right then. I am going to brush my teeth and change and you can change now and then you can go in the bathroom ok?"

"Cool." Was the only reply I got. Poor guy, he sounds exhausted, I thought as I closed the door to the bathroom.

Sure enough, when I got back into my room I was blessed by a sweet, heavenly sight. A sight I had never even thought would happen, not even in my wildest dreams. Alex lay on my bed, one thrown across his face,shielding his eyes. His bare chest glowed in the light. 'Jesus christ!' If we both weren't so tired I would have jumped him right there and then. I sat down on the side of the bed where Alex's sprawling limbs did not reach. Thankfully I was in the habit of folding my duvet at the bottom of my bed, so it was no bother to pull the blanket up over both of us. I lent over him and turned of my sidelight, taking one more lingering glance at his face as I did so.

Snuggling down I felt content. Then there was movement next to me and Alex pushed his arm under the covers towards me, putting his arm across my waist, pulling me to his chest. I was unbelievably warm, comfy and in bed with an amazing, captivating man, what more could a woman ask for? I could feel his breath against my neck. And then out of no where, he brushed his lips up against the bare skin of my shoulder, I could feel a smile pulling at his mouth. I was done. Snuggling down against Al's warm chest I sighed, properly happy for the first time in ages.

_I've been wondering whether later when you tell everybody to go,_  
_Will you pour me one for the road?_


	3. The Dandelion and Burdock Girl

**- The Dandelion and Burdock Girl -**

_You are the smell before the Rain, you are the headache before the Thunderstorm and you are the fear before the Lightning strike._

_You are the fragrance after the Rain falls on parched Earth, you are the exhilaration after the Thunderclap and you are the you are the triumph after the lightning strike._

_You are my fear and my assurance. Never let me go._

_I watched myself, as If I was nowhere, but everywhere all at the same time. I was running down some stairs in an unfamiliar house, the white walls swirled around me as if they were turning into mist. Picture frames dotted the walls. I was crying, sobbing._ **"What have you done. You promised me. You promised..."**

_I watched as I stumbled to the bottom of the stairs, and collapsed on the ground in a heap, weeping._ **"Please don't. Please don't leave me. Just please, not now...not ever...please"** _The hall morphed into a green field, grass waved lazily around my still huddled figure. The sunlight shone from an invisible sun. A single point aerial hoop swung softly from a small Oak . A faceless Women with long blonde hair balanced on it, her back to the curve of the hoop. Standing underneath her was a faceless Man, face turned upwards to the Woman. As if by unspoken words, they moved towards each other, lips slow and sure as they met. Hands tangled in hair as each pulled each body towards them. The aerial hoop shook and swung, the Woman jerked struggling to regain her balance. They seemed to fight, the Man pulling the Woman down to the earth, the Woman pulling the Man up to the sky. The more they fort to be close to each other, the more the Woman swung, and the more the Man stumbled on the ground. They were unbalanced. I watched in horror as the lovers struggled, a whisper swirled in the breeze tickling my ear._** "She is His, and He is Hers and yet they struggle to be as One, to be One Whole. And so they shall, until each is ready to relinquish what they know and step into each other's Worlds."** I_ trembled as the voice slipped away. The Lovers had now separated. Both were bent, shoulder's hunched, hands still grasping for each other. And then to my despair, the Woman seemed to drift upwards towards the gaping Sky, while the Man was slowly being swallowed up by the Earth._ **"They are unbalanced, and so shall disappear into their Worlds..."**_ I shivered once more, tears slid down my face._

When I awoke, only the feeling remained.

**Alex POV**

_Her head was tucked into my chest, the smell of musk and Lavender overwhelming my senses..._

_Her arm was thrown over my waist, legs intertwined with mine, like ivy we were entangled, like a moth she was drawn to a flame..._

I awoke to the cold winter sunlight streaming through the cracks in unfamiliar powder blue curtains. Dust motes drifted lazily. I was swamped in the middle of a white cloud, a feather duvet was wound around my body, my face buried in soft pillows. Body completely relaxed, I was unbelievably hot. Kicking the duvet off me and sitting up, I scanned the room and my memory for some clues as to how I got here. On the wooden chair that stood next to a white dressing table, a flower patterned dress lay across it's back, black tights hanging limply from the seat. A woman's bedroom. Shit. And then I remembered. The Dandelion and Burdock Girl, Rhea. The dark blonde hair curling around a face that was studded by a winking blue nose ring. Sparkling blues eyes that said so much more than her mouth. Oh yes, I remembered her now.

Standing up, swaying slightly, I looked around for my clothes, as I realised that I was in nothing but some flimsy pajama trousers, my chest bare. Finding my t-shirt and jeans neatly folded on the bedside table, I quickly stripped and donned them, my body rapidly cooling. After I had finished I became aware of the steady beat of a bass and singing coming from downstairs. Opening the door, I noticed that it was covered in many pieces of random quotes, pictures and drawings. Studying one particular quote closely, I realised that I recagnised it. It was my own words after all. 'Perhaps Fuck off might be too kind' was scrawled across a dirty white card and pinned at a jaunty angle on the center of the door. I remembered writing that lyric well. It had come from a time I would much rather forget, hence the fact that we no longer played it at shows. If only people would understand that songs are memories for me, and some of them I do not want to replay night after night. Shrugging off the feeling of impending doom, I made my way out on to the landing, plush cream carpet warming my feet.

As I made my way down the stairs, the smell of toast and coffee wafted towards me, along with the steady beat of what I recagnised as You Know I'm No Good, Amy Whinehouse. And oh god, did that bring back memories. An embarrassing noise from my stomach brought me back to the present, as I stepped off the last step of the stairs. I glanced out of the window in the door at a unfamiliar street. A black porche drove past. Fancy.

Heading towards, what I remembered to be the kitchen door, I pushed it open to a see something I did not expect to see on Sunday morning, or anytime really. Before me on the narrow corner of a counter, stood a woman with what seemed to be a extremely short dress on, her bright purple clad legs seemed endless as my gaze ran down to her pointed feet. I might add that, on my inspection of Rhea, I noticed that her was dress-thing was actually very short, barely covering her bum. I quickly looked down and cleared my throat.

A small shriek came from her as she jumped and dropped whatever she had been getting from the cupboard that was situated high up on the wall. With a loud clang, a can of Baked Beans bounced onto the wooden floor at my feet. Incredibly, it didn't burst.

"Alex! Jesus Christ! Don't ever do that!" Came the indignant voice from above me. Looking up I saw Rhea, flattened up against the wall, still on the counter, hands on her chest, breathing hard.

"Alex, I could have fallen off and died. Not to be too dramatic or anything." She scowled down at me. Crouching down, and swinging her self of the counter she sidled passed me, to the table, sat down and cradled a steaming cup in her hands.

"Urm, sorry about that. I didn't think." I said, running a hand through what I guessed to be extremely disheveled hair.

"Clearly" Came the disgruntled reply. Taking a shaky gulp of whatever she was drinking, she stood up again. Her back was to the French windows, the sun eliminating her silhouette. Unlike last night when we met, her shoulder length blonde hair fell down on to her shoulders, stray wisps curled around her face. Alex, get a grip. I mentally shook myself.

"Anyway, how did you sleep, and do you want anything to eat?" She said, a smile lighting up her once distressed features.

I put my hand to the counter, leaning on it. "Forgiven me already have we?" A smirk made its way onto my face.

She laughed without opening her mouth. It was a evil laugh. "Oh no, I haven't, I will get you back, don't you worry sweetheart." She crossed her arms across her chest, smirking back. I was liking her more and more.

"We'll see." I wasn't someone who was prone to be jumpy, however I decided to humor her. Plus, I was rather hungry now. I crossed my arms in imitation of her. She rolled her eyes, lips twitching.

"So to answer you questions, yes, from what I can remember, I had one of the best night sleeps I have had in a long time. I don't sleep well you see. At all..." I trailed off, my mind going back to the endless nights of insomnia, the worrying sense of being very much alone in the world.

"And? Do you want something to eat?" Her voice was soft, seeming to have sensed my sudden melancholy. Feeling shy I nodded.

**Rhea POV**

When I had woken up to Alex twinned around me like ivy I had, had the heart wrenching feeling to never let him go. As if any minute now he was going to be swallowed up and I would never again hold his body close to mine. I was surprised at these feelings as they did not seem to belong to me. They belonged to someone who was older, and more world weary. They belonged to someone who was afraid. I had pushed these peculiar thoughts from my head and gazed down at him, in my arms. Ever since his break up with Alexa and his sudden change, ie his hairstyle last month, Alex had seemed to turn into a harder and more 'manly' version of himself. All leather jackets, fags and moody expressions. Gone was the cute wispy hair that had framed his face and made him look 5 years younger than his actual age. In it's place was an Elvis Presley, better known as a quiff. Slick, hard, smooth and to the point, just like the image he seemed to be trying to obtain. However, seeing him like this, face buried in my chest, arm thrown across my body, legs tangled with mine, I remembered that he was still just a man. Still just a man who needed to be held, loved and indulged. I had smiled at this thought, coming to the conclusion that I was just the woman for him. Or at least for the man I had in my head, for all I knew Alex could be someone completely different. But then again, a niggling part of me knew that there was a lot more to this rock and roll dude than met the eye, and I was happy find out as much as I could.

I had decided to go down and start on some breakfast. However as I was dressing in the bathroom, not wanting Alex to wake up to me half naked, a sudden thought flashed into my mind. Did anybody know where Alex was? I knew that the Arctic Monkeys were in London for a while as they had a few show's here, and I knew that the rest of the band were here too, as a photo had popped up on my Tumblr dashboard of them walking the streets yesterday. If they were the mates they seemed to be, they would be worried and unless Alex had informed them he would be sleeping over at some random woman's house, they couldn't have known. And yet, he still could have sent a text when he was with me, except I was with him the almost whole time until bedtime. I decided I needed to check. First of all I ran down stairs, to where he had left his wonderfully soft jacket, over the back of the hall chair. Finding nothing I decided to check back upstairs, in his jeans.

I tip toed back into the bedroom, cringing when the door made a minute squeak. Alex lay immersed in white duvet, head barely visible, I fond smile played on my lips. It was a image I could defiantly get used to. I hadn't had a man in my bed for a long time. Not since...well, just not for a long time. Bringing myself back to the present, I made my way to the bedside table where he had folded his jeans on top of his t-shirt last night. Picking them up and rejecting the seriously creepy urge to hold them to my face, I felt in the pockets. Aha! There! I pulled out a rather smart black Iphone. Pressing the on button, the lock-screen came up of a freaking sunset. See, told you he wasn't as hard as he made out to be, the dude had a sunset his lock screen for gods sake's! I quickly got over my surprise and too my delight I found that Alex did not seem to have a lock on his phone. Pushing aside the urge to snoop at the contents of his phone, I pressed straight on the message icon, which had a little number '3' by it. 'Agile Beast' was at the top of the message list, closely followed by 'Mum'. Aw. Pressing on 'Agile Beast' I scanned the last few messages.

Agile Beast 'still wanna catch up on breakin bad with me? 8:21pm

Agile Beast 'what time you getting back?' 9:32pm

Agile Beast 'hey man where are you?' 11:43pm

And that was the end. Nothing about staying over at mine. We were more alike that I had previously thought. I was terrible at replying to messages, many a time it got me into a lot of trouble.

Stealing a quick glance at the still submerged Alex, I quickly wrote down Matt's number on my hand, with the pen that was on my dressing table, I would text him from my own phone. I replaced Alex's mobile in his jeans.

When I got down stairs I had grabbed my phone from where I had left it in my jacket last night and swiftly walked back into the kitchen, softly closing the door behind me. I had sat down in the arm chair that Alex had seemed so at home in last night.

And now it was time to work how to text the Agile Beast himself, and try to stop him from calling the police about some woman abducting Alex. Going to new messages on my phone, I tapped in Matt's number. Now, what to say...

'Hey Matt, urm so I just want to say that I have not got your number by kidnapping Al'

I deleted it all and started again.

'Hi Matt, so before I start I would just like to say that'

Again, I deleted it all. Right, just get to the point Rhea, I reminded myself. I started again.

'Hey Matt, Im texting 2 say that Al is at my house, I got ur number from his phone. Im not a stalker, promise :p Im just aware that if one of my mates went missing without telling me, I would wanna know what had happened. He's fine, currently asleep. I think. Anyway thought you aught to know, Rhea x'

Before I could change my mind again I hit 'send' and 'woosh' off it went. Letting out a big breath, I lent back and rested my head against the back of the chair. I had a terrible feeling I may have just made a mistake. I desperately needed a cuppa. Getting up I drifted towards the kettle. After I had flicked the switch on the kettle, a low rumble filled the air. I reached up to get a mug out of the cupboard above it, muscled stretched and contracted, making a small groan spill from my mouth. I was so stiff and sore. They say your body gets used to a certain amount of pain if you keep doing the same exercises. Well, they lied. Or else my body was just was different to everybody elses in the entire world. A soft ding cut through room and my charged body. I turned slowly towards my phone on the counter, ignoring the now boiling kettle. Scooping it up, 'Matt AM 1 Message' lit up the screen. I unlocked it and tapped on messages. Stealing a glance, I read his text.

Matt AM "hi i am glad to hear hes alright, he gave me the slip yesterday wanker -_- i'll get him for it. im sure your not a stalker :D i do have trust in the human race, thks for letting me know ;) nice name by the way. you welsh by any chance? :)"

I breathed out a shaky breathe, now just to wait and see if he really believed I hadn't kidnapped Al, and wasn't actually calling the police right this second.

I copied his casual attitude, as I texted back.

"Cool, yeah i'll let him know. And yes, I am Welsh, and proud! :)"

'woosh'. Gone. Now that was sorted, breakfast awaited my starving body. What to have, that was the real question. Fry up. It was just what I needed, no doubt about it.

I turned on the radio, poured my tea to brew and set about about making breakfast. As I did so the memory that Al was upstairs slowly slipped away with time, until I had all forgotten he even excited, I rare occurrence I assure you. I know stood, on my tip toes on the side, humming to Amy Whinehouse, and rummaging through the highest cupboard for a can of Baked Beans. And then there was a strange noise from beneath me, I jumped, the Baked Beans falling from my hands, to bounce on the floor with a loud bang. I turned, back to the wall, hands clutched to my pounding chest.

And there he was. Alex Fucking Turner. Looking like he had just been thoroughly fucked. Or maybe just had a good nights sleep. Either way, the way his dark brown hair was spilling into his eyes, made me weak at the knee's. Pushing away these scary feelings, my indignation bust forwad. I finished with a very mature "...Alex, I could have fallen off and died. Not to be too dramatic or anything."

I almost felt guilty for shouting at him as he starred with his liquid brown orbs. Almost. I crouched down, longing for the solid floor beneath my feet. And to look somewhere else and not at this sex god. I sidled past him to the table, and took a shaky gulp, barley looking up when he said 'He didn't think'. I gave the reply it deserved. After my tea had settled in my stomach, and my manners slowly came back I stood up. He stared and then blinked. Shit I didn't have something on my face did I? He probably wouldn't tell me if I did. I smiled and proceeded to ask him how his night was and if he wanted anything to eat. His reply was fine, confident and smirky, and then seemed to sadden as his sentence went on. I just wanted to hold him at that moment, but decided against it.

_Well this is a good idea, _  
_He wouldn't do it if it wasn't, _  
_He wouldn't do it if it wasn't one. _

**Hope you all liked it (so far) don't forget to let me know what you think!**

**P.S. And yes I have changed her name for various reasons xx**


	4. I Can Make You Fall For Me

_**- I Can Make You Fall For Me, It's a Little Trick for Mine -**_

_"I can't explain but I want to try_

_There's this image of you and I_

_And it goes dancing by in the morning and in the night time"_

I had been watching the same cloud change from one creature to another for awhile now, chin resting on my hand, while my other was rapped around a steaming cup of coffee. I was waiting for Alex to carry on with what he had been saying before a Robin on the tree outside had distracted him.

After we had, had breakfast, a rather delicious one if I say so myself, Alex and I had sat with steaming mugs in our hands and chatted. It had started off as a rather innocent conversation, as I explained what I was doing here in London. Of course when I finished explaining why I had decided to do a Foundation Degree in the Circus Arts, it was his turn. Until now Alex had never mentioned that he was in a band at all, so I was surprised when he started to talk about it so easily. I had previously thought that it was something he avoided talking about, something he wanted to hide when he talked to new people. However, he launched into it with ease and a heart warming passion, telling me stories of previous tours and shows. I laughed hard when he told me about the time he got stuck in the loo at the NME Awards. Apparently the other guys will never let him forget it. Some of them I knew the press would have a field day about if they found out, and I was touched that he obviously felt safe to tell me some of the band's dirty little secrets.

What I found rather interesting, was that he never talked about Alexa, or any of his previous relationships while touring. I did recall seeing pictures, that surfaced about 3 months ago, that made it quite obvious that Al was in a relationship with one of those LA actress/models, I think her name was Ariella or something. However, judging by how quickly the pictures disappeared of them, I came to the conclusion that the relationship didn't last long. My suspicions were proven true when Alex started to talk about this year's tour which the Arctic Monkeys had just about ended.

Alex had been sitting for a little while now, just looking out of the windows. I had been trying my best not to stare, however I failed quite miserably , so I stared anyway, Alex was completely oblivious. The emotions that he made me feel scared me. I was afraid of what this was, what it could be. I had not been the most fortunate in love, and in my 19 years, well, lets just say that I had, had my fair share of heartbreak.

After a while Alex drew in a breath and started to speak again. "This tour has been the one of the hardest I think. Obviously our first ever tour was extremely difficult, as we were all so new to it. We missed our family's and friends...our girlfriend's, but at the end of the day it were ok, we, like, got into the swing of things. I suppose with this one, I were getting over, well, bein' dumped." He turned towards me at this point at gave a half smile.

"You know of Alexa Chung right?" I nodded my head, not wanting to break this bubble with my voice.

"Well, as you probably know, I were with her for a long time, she 'elped me to cope with the new, urm, world that I had now been thrust into. I am positive that if it wasn't for her I would have gone off the rails a long time ago. I owe her a lot. And at the same time I owe her nothin' at all"

Alex looked down at his hands that were rapped around a blue and white stripped mug. "Well she cheated on me. I won't say with who it was with, and I don't think anybody else knows, except our closest friends. To say the least, I took it very bad. I relied on 'er a lot you see. At first I were angry, very angry, and I think that's what 'elped me power through the first few months of this year's tour. And then I met Ariella and she was everythin' Alexa wasn't. But I couldn't give Ariel what she needed, I were still so fookin' hung up on Alexa. So that finished quickly, I wish it hadn't, but in the end, we can't really control how we feel."

He stopped their and gave me an embarrassed look. "Sorry, I don't know where this is all comin' from..."

I rolled my eye, and gave a small smile. "Alex Hun, I don't know much, but my mother is a counsellor and if she has taught me a few things, it's that I can tell when a person needs to talk about some shit, so please don't apologize and carry on." I reached over and gave his forearm a small squeeze.

He looked at me then and though he didn't say anything, he thanked me. He continued. "Well anyway, this tour has been exhausting, physically, and emotionally and now I am so fookin' tired, all the bloody time! It's like, this last month, it has all seemed a bit pointless. I've tried to give the show's my all, and I do enjoy them in the moment, it's just I know I'm not giving it all I can, and that makes me disappointed in ma'self. That I'm not giving the crowd the very best I can. It's like, urm, I don't really know..."

He trailed off and frowned, looking back out of the window to the bright grey clouds. " I suppose what I need is summat, or even someone new to put all my energy into. I need new experiences, new things and people to write about.. I need..., I need a new muse. Y'know what I mean?"

I nodded my head in agreement. "Yes completely. When I perform I need to have new experiences, tastes and flavours, new feelings to put into my shows, into my routines. Each routine has a little bit of me in it. And if I don't explore new things, there will be no new things to put into it. For me a routine is like a song. A song I sing with my body." I gave a small chuckle. "The questions is, do you get what I mean?"

Alex grinned at me, which made my heart do a little jump. " I think you and me are more alike than I previously thought."

I leaned back in my chair and grinned back. " Yes, I think you're right." As we sat and smiled at each other, I happened to look up at the clock that was mounted on the wall above Alex's head. I jerked forwards in shock, and then jumped up, making the chair skid loudly behind me.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit!" I muttered, as I stumbled to the armchair that I have left my phone on. I snatched it up and turned it on. Somehow it was now 12:04pm. I had completely forgotten I had a rehearsal at 1:30pm. Fuck. I turned around, back to Alex, who was now standing and looking at me in bewilderment.

"What's the matter, Darlin'?" A frown now ran across his face.

Disappointment filled every fiber of my being. I so wanted to stay here and sit with this man, and talk. I wanted it so bloody bad. I sighed and looked at him. " I completely forgot I have a rehearsal, at half one today, I have no idea how I forgot. I am so sorry, I would much rather stay here. With you."

His face lifted. The frown disappeared to be replaced with a relieved smile "Bloody hell Rhea, I thought summat really bad 'ad happened." Something really bad has happened, I thought glumly, I have to leave you.

I pushed away this thought and smiled back. "Yes, I can be rather dramatic sometimes. I better go and get my stuff ready. And, urm, I think your jacket is on the chair in the hall."

His face fell a bit has I made the hint that he had to leave, I hated myself for saying it.

"I'll be back down in a minute." With that I jogged upstairs, nearly slipping off one step, and hastily packed my rucksack with my training clothes, a notebook, my phone and purse. Grabbing my black overcoat out of my wardrobe and throwing my rucksack onto my back, I speeded back downstairs, hitting my hand on the stair railings as I went. It fucking hurt. A lot.

"Ow, ow, ow. Stupid fucking railing..." I muttered as I came to the bottom of the stairs. Alex waited for me near the door, leaning up against the wall, arms crossed. He gave me a questioning look. I held up my hand. "Just whacked my hand on the stair railing, I'll live. I think."

He chuckled and walked towards me, his hands reaching out to me. For a minute I thought he was coming in for a hug, but then he stopped about half a foot away from me and held out his hand. It took a while for it to dawn on me what he actually wanted; to inspect my hand. I was happy to oblige. His hands were cold and soft on my equally chilly right hand, as he turned my hand round, so he could get a look at the reddening spot on my knuckle. I didn't breath until he let it drop back down to my side. He looked up and smirked, and I could have sworn he knew exactly what affect he was having in me. Gone was the sensitive, open man, and back was the cool, aloof, rock and roll dude.

"Seems all fine to me. Nothin' broken, my back on the other 'and, well lets just say that you are heavier than you look and your fookin' bed is not especially comfy." I rolled my eyes at him, and nudged him out of the way with my shoulder, as I walked to the door.

"Well I'm not gonna inspect your back and personally my bed is very comfy for me, and as it's my bed, neither me nor the bed care what your opinion is." I stated as I unlocked the door and stepped into the chilly street.

"Very well." Came the answer from behind me. I turned and made a gesture for him to hurry up and get out of the house. "I am late you know." He walked past and onto the pavement, looking left and right, up and down my street. He looked back at me and frowned, as I shrugged on my overcoat.

"I have absolutely no idea where we are. Seems quite fancy though." My lips twitched as I walked past him and started walking to the left down the tree lined street.

Making sure he was following me, I replied. "Urm, well, yeah, that's because it is. My Step-Grandmother's husband was in the war and some, like, high up officer or something. Anyway they were loaded. So then he died, ages ago, and she got all the money obviously and bought this place. Don't be fooled by where I live, I am totally skint." We both jumped back as a black cat leaped across our path and into the hedge of a house to our left. When we continued walking, he replied.

"Oh right, and where is your Nan then, I didn't see her lurkin' anywhere around the house." I heard the smile in his voice, but denied myself a look to make sure.

"Sally does not lurk. And, yeah, she's in France, the Alps to be exact, skiing, as she has a small flat there. It is a really lovely place, I went there a lot after my dad married my step-mum, Sally's daughter, Clare. Never skied though, cause we always went in the Summer, as Dad had too much work." I took a left down another wooded street. Alex followed.

"Oh I see." He said, once again looking all over the place like he had lost something. "Where are we goin' by the way?" He said turning to me. "I need to get to a tube station, if I am gonna get back to mine."

I started to skip along the pavement, feeling light. "Well you're in luck, cause that is exactly where we are going." I slowed down and walked backwards, looking at Alex as he trudged behind me. I laughed. "Don't worry, I'm not trying to kidnap you or anything, jeez"

He gave me a look as he cought up with me, pushing his messy hair out of his eyes. I defiantly preferred it down, than all gelled up. And yet the quiff did have a certain allure about it.

I turned back around and we carried on at comfortable pace in silence. I gazed at the passing cars and people, as they carried on with their lives, just like Alex and I. A chance meeting, a split second decision and a night of companionship. And you know what? I was ok with that. Alex had made me feel safe and listened to. He seemed to take me seriously, for instance, he didn't look at me strange when I gave voice to some of my crazy beliefs. I knew deep down that this was too good to last. I was pretty sure that we would now part ways and go on with our own very different lives. I would cherish the memories and then move on to tomorrow. Or at least that's what I hoped to do, but to be honest, I was pretty shit at it and life had a way of throwing up unwanted memories and people in my face. 'What will be, will be' was my Mother's favourite quote and hey, sometimes it made sense to me, sometimes it didn't, just like life.

We had now come up to a small village green, with a few shops lining the one way street. A Sunday Market bustled around us as we made our way to the Tube Station. As we walked past a pastry shop, a young man behind the counter gave Alex a long hard look. I glanced up at Alex to see if he saw this, and saw that he had placed is extremely fashionable Ray Bans over his eyes, looking very much like a superstar trying to hide. I will never understand 'celebrities' with their sunglasses obsession. I suppose sometimes it worked well at hiding who you are, however people are more likely to check you out if you are wearing them on a fucking cloudy day. Like today! Like I said, I will never understand.

Taking Alex's arm in mine I guided him away from the hustle and bustle of the market and towards the 3 stone steps that lead up to the Tube Station. I tugged on Alex's arm. He looked down at me.

"What?"

I gave a 'what the fuck' face. "If you're trying to hide behind those, you're failing miserably. You're just drawing attention to yourself, have you not seen the sky today? Its fucking cloudy Alex!"

He looked back up, and gave a shrug. "I like them, and I have a lot of pairs. Anyway, what if I wanna draw attention to myself. What if I wanna be recagnised?" His voice was challenging.

I frowned. What the hell had gotten into him? One minute he was a lovely open person, next he was this snarky dude. Anyway, I didn't believe him one bit, this was his mask, and he and I both knew it.

"I don't know what has suddenly got into you Alex, but you're not fooling me, so cut it out." I took my arm from him and marched up to the door into the station and on to the platform, swiping my Oyster card as I went. I looked up at the tube times and gave a sigh of relief as I saw that all the trains were on time. Mine was due in 4 minutes, I would just about make it. I went and sat down on a vacant bench to the back of the small station. The bench was very, very cold.

"I wish they would make these our of wood or summat else. I know they can rot and be burned, but at least your arse doesn't fookin' freeze off when you sit on them." Alex commented as he settled down beside me.

"Agreed." I said, looking the other way. "My train is due in about 3 minutes. Just so you know."

"Hey, Rhea, look at me, I'm sorre about that, back there. It's not you." He put his hand on mine.

I couldn't stop myself giving him a reassuring smile as I turned and faced him. I was never very good at keeping small grudges. Plus, he had taken off his glasses.

"It's ok. Do you know when you're train is?" I asked, ready to forgive and forget. If he wanted to elaborate, he would.

He settled back against the hard grey mettle of the bench and squinted in the sunlight that had burst through the clouds. "Yeah its in like, 10 minutes or summat'"

I made a small noise in reply, and lent back like Alex. I closed my eyes, enjoying the sunlight on my skin. I had tried, and failed to get a tan this year, but then again, its not like I tried very hard. Alex's hand was still in mine, his thumb gently drawing patterns on my skin. I smiled and was content.

And then the train just had to arrive. Trust the tube to be on time when you least wanted it to be. I let go of Alex's hand and stood up, the rush of air from the train made my hair swirl around my face. I pushed it away irritably. Hoisting the bag onto my on to my shoulder, turned to a now standing Alex.

"Well bye then Hun. It's been lovely spending time with you." Before I could help myself I stepped towards Alex and brushed my lips against his soft cheek. I jerked back around and jumped into the train, just as the doors swished shut behind me. As the train whizzed past, I saw him standing in the station, one hand raised as if he was about to wave. He saw me looking at him, and raised his eyebrows. And then he winked. My heart gave a flutter and I collapsed onto the seat next to me, ignoring the stares of my fellow passengers.

Later that night, after I had gotten home and was settling down to a late Tea, I small ding came from my phone. **Matt AM**: _1 Message _flashed up on the screen. My stomach clenched. I unlocked my phone and read the text.

**Matt AM **_'hes the happiest he has been in a long time, thank you. im sure we will be seeing each other soon x' _

_*****Lemme know what you all think Sav x**_


	5. I Am the Flash When You Close Your Eyes

**_I Am the Flash When You Close Your Eyes Chapter 5_**

_"Maybe I was mistaken but,_

_I just cannot manage to make it through the day_

_Without thinking of you lately"_

I had never been much of a 'girly girl' as a child, and would frequently get myself muddy and dirty, ripping and drawing on my clothes all the time. However, I had always had a worrying sense of style. So even if I was going to get muddy that day, I would still make sure I looked nice and that my items of clothing went together. To put it plainly, I enjoy looking nice. I enjoy being able to look in the mirror and think, yes I made a good choice wearing this. Of course this lead to times of not being able to decide what to wear at all. Like now, I was stuck.

Yesterday evening, I had got a text from my best friend Jade, explaining the there was a party happening on Friday night and I must come to it, as I had apparently been a very bad friend lately. Since it was in fact going to be New Year's Eve on that particular night, I couldn't refuse, plus I did love a good party. The interesting, and slightly worrying thing about it, was that it was a 'Secret Party'. As in Jade had a got a email, saying the location, time and what to wear, black, with a splash of colour. The great thing about it was that the music played at the parties were by up and coming artists who wanted to to test out there stuff on a proper big crowd. It was a fantastic variety we got, I had been to two in the past and one had been a rather good rock band, and the other had been a country band. I enjoyed both a lot. Jade and I didn't know anyone else who was going to be there apart from each other. To be honest I was pretty excited about it. Until just before Christmas I had been so busy with my rehearsals for our Christmas show that I had, had barely anytime to rest, let alone party. So that brought me all the way back to my dilemma. What to wear. My options were a mini black and white checkered dress, with lovely small frills around the neck, that dipped down into a lovely cleavage showing V. My other option was a semi plain black dress, that showed a load of shoulder and had black sequins around the neck. Chic or sophisticated? There was only one thing for it. Ask the master of fashion himself. Matthew J Helders the 3rd.

Ever since he texted me the night after Alex left, we had been sending texts back and forth, talking about whatever came to mind. I had come to realise that like I had already assumed, there was a very interesting man behind the leather lace up trousers and afro. Breanna, Matt's model girlfriend, was a very lucky girl. I'll be honest, at first I was only really texting him so I would not lose contact with AM, ie Alex, but the more we talked, the more I enjoyed it and after a while I stopped kicking myself about not getting Alex's number and went with the flow.

I put on both dresses and took a quick selfie with each. I then sat on my bed, wrapped up in my duvet and typed a message to Matt, which simply said, _'Which one?'_

Not a minute later my phone chimed and a message from Matt appeared. It read:

**Matt AM:**_'well it depends what sort of party u r goin to...? as it happens we're going to one too :D it's a secret party, we only know the time, location and what to wear, black, with a splash of colour. whatever thats supposed to mean O_O'_

My mouth dropped open as I read this. We couldn't be going to the same party could we? No way, that sort of shit just did not happen to me. I mean, I knew they were back in London from a short stint in Australia, but I didn't think I would actually see them while they were here. I had been trying to get up the courage to ask Matt about Alex, but I had failed and since Matt hadn't mentioned him except for that first text, I assumed Alex didn't really care that much. I was pretty sure Matt would have told him that he had my number.

I texted back as quick as my fingers could move._ 'wait wait WAIT! ur goin to a party? when is it? we couldn't be going to the same one could we? :o'_

I huddled back into my duvet while I waited and scanned my messy room. Clothes were strewn all over the bed and floor, dresses flopped over the back of my chair, while make up littered the top of my dressing table. I had found it hard to find black clothes, as I was quite a colourful person, and most of my dark clothes I owned were training gear and there was no way I was wearing that. I knew I was going to have to tidy up soon. Sally was back in a week's time, and I knew she would have a peek in my room, then drop subtle hints that I needed to tidy up, if it wasn't up to her standards.

My phone lit up again as I received another message from Matt.

**Matt AM:**_ 'that would be so good if we are, i have to meet u soon. its starts at 8:00pm tonight, somewhere in west london, can't quite remember. if we're going to the same party, you should wear the black sequin one :)'_

I did a little dance on my bed, well I say dance, it was more of a wiggle and squeal. I was now 95% sure we were going to the same party. I hoped Alex would be there, after all he did say 'we' and yet, even if it was just Matt it would be fine. We got a long like a house on fire, god knows what we would be like when we actually met. I was grinning at the ceiling when my phone went off again. It was Matt again.

**Matt AM** _'by the way, i'll try and persuade al to come ;)'_

I jumped up on my bed a launched myself skywards, I felt extremely light as I flew upwards. And then I felt very heavy as I landed hard on my not too soft mattress. I sent a short text back to Matt.

_'yep i think we r goin to the same one. do your best do your best for me yeah? ;)'_

I got off my bed, only wearing my favourite black lacy underwear and checked the time on my phone. It was 6:28pm, I was meeting Jade at 7:30pm at the Tube Station as we wanted to travel together. Right, I have 1 hour, I can get ready in that time, I think. I quickly hurried into the bathroom just outside my room and proceeded to wash myself and brush my teeth. After I had done that, I applied moisturiser to my face, and deodorant to armpits. I better remember to take that in my bag. At parties I was not one of those wall flowers, I was in the middle of that dancefloor sweating away with the rest of them. Hence the deodorant. Next was my hair. The night before I had washed it and then put into quick plaits. I now undid them, and shook my head, letting it fall in soft waves to just past my shoulders. I looked in the mirror and smiled. Yeah, I looked pretty good, considering I hadn't even put makeup on all day. I skipped back out of the bathroom, and too my bed wear the black sequin dress waited. I slipped it over my head and checked in the mirror that all was good. I hadn't worn it in a while, and god knows what could have happened to it over the months.

I did little spin, the dress stayed tight against my body. I had forgotten how much I liked this dress. I had gotten it from a charity shop on High Street Kensington and had only worn it a few times since. It was tight fitting and had 3 quarter length sleeves, the skirt length was just above my knees. Short enough to be fun, but not so short I couldn't bend over.

Remembering it was in fact just about January, I decided I was going to need something to cover my legs and some sort of coat. I went and rummaged through one of my draws, and pulled out my favourite black knee socks. I know they weren't going to completely cover my legs, but at the end of the day, they were warmer than bare legs, plus they were easy to take off if I got too hot. After I had pulled them on, I turned to inspect my coat and jacket collection. I smiled and reached out to take my worn leather jacket from off the hook. My mother had, had it when she was in her early 20's, and has passed it onto me on my 18th birthday. I was probably a little too attached to it, but my mother had been in tears when she gave it to me, it had meant a lot to her.

I layed it over the back of the chair, and turned back to my dressing table, make-up was next on the list. I was never one to use make-up often, but over the years a woman does seem to end up with a good amount. It seemed that at birthdays and Christmas, if somebody didn't know what to get you, you got nail varnish or make-up. To be fair, I did get some nice stuff and most of the time I really appreciated the nail varnish. Tonight I was going with silver nail varnish on my clipped short nails, as I had painted them last night. I had bitten them for as long as I could remember, only recently had I stopped, but then I had, had to cut them short, as they were not safe for training. I had the seen the aftermath of acrobatics with long nailed performers, It wasn't pretty.

I sat down on my chair and inspected the make-up selection. I didn't want to be over the top, but I wanted to do something different. I moved forward to rest my elbows on my table, and as my foot moved to accommodate the new position, it stepped on something long and hard. I looked under the table, and there, next to one of the legs, was a stick of lipstick in a unmarked silver case. It must have rolled off the table when I emptied the contents of my make-up back onto it earlier. I picked it up and pulled the lid off. Twisting the bottom, a dark red coloured lipstick appeared. My favourite, I was definitely using this tonight. I puckered my lips and lent forward to the mirror, slashing the redness on. I sucked them in to get a even colouring then let them back out again. Happy with them, I reached over to the far corner of the desk and swiped my de-smudger thingy. I told you make-up presents could be useful sometimes. I applied that, then popped the lid back on and scanned my eye make-up selection. I decided quickly as I noticed that I didn't have that much time left before I had to meet Jade. I decided on Mascara, a smudge of eyeliner and bit of liquid eyeliner to do some cool dots and swirls on the corner of my eye. You could say it was a little party trademark of mine and Jades. I was looking forward to seeing what artwork she had drawn on her face.

Finished, I turned my head this way and that, until I was satisfied that everything was in place. I switched on my phone and saw that I had just over 20 minutes to get to the station.

I jumped up and grabbed my jacket off the bed. Picking up my phone, I scanned the room to see if I had forgotten anything. Seeing all was fine, I shut the door behind me and jogged down stairs, careful not to slip or hit myself on the railing this time. I didn't want to think about him now, or else I was going to get too nervous.

Damn him.

When I got to the bottom of the stairs I bent down and snagged my old worn, Doc Martens from under the hall table. I had, had them for just over a year now and had worn them a lot. They were a dark leather, that was almost black with a pattern of the blue and white flowers inside, they reached just below my knees. They were laced up with blue ribbons, which were fraying slightly at the ends, and were a little grubby. Oh well, it gave them a loved look. As I sat down on the hall chair and laced them up, or was it 'robonned' them up, I remembered that I hadn't eaten anything since lunch. I really didn't want to go to this party on an empty stomach, because I planned to dance, and I did want to be able to hold my drink for a while at least. I would get some chips or summat on the way, I am sure Jade would be delighted. She is always complaining I eat too much green stuff, while she loves her carbs. However, Jade is one of those women who has an amazing body, who can take that shit into their body's and it does fuck all about it. I'm not saying I don't have a good metabolism too, it's just I felt kinda dirty and yucky if I ate not enough fresh stuff. Not many people get what I'm on about, and I was yet to find someone who truly understood. After I had finished 'ribboning' up my boots, I slipped on my jacket, picked up my bag, double checking I had my phone purse and various other essentials. Satisfied all was there, I put in the code so the alarm wouldn't go off and stepped out of the door.

The chilly December hit me like a refreshing slap. As I walked,, I breathed in the London air and smiled. I do love London, I really do. I knew that I didn't want to live here all my life, it was too busy, too full on, too rushed, but for someone who was just starting out in the world it was the perfect place to start. There were so many opportunities, so many new people to meet, some that would help you on your way and some that will make you trip, but then even they helped you out. They made you keep an eye out for the ones who try and stop you from making your dreams come true. Fuck them. Just keep on marching, and don't forget to smell the roses on the way. That was the motto I liked to try and live by, and hey, sometimes it worked.

As I walked past the once snow laden Apple tree that Alex and I had walked past that night, memories of him slipped past the shaky barrier I had put up the last few weeks. It wasn't that I wanted to forget him and our night together, it was more that he distracted me, and it was really what I didn't need after we parted. Or rather I ran and left him standing, bewildered on a platform somewhere in London. At least I hope he had been bewildered. I hoped I had left a flash in his mind, one that would pop up behind his eyelids everytime he closed his eyes, as if he had been staring at a light too long. The light being me off course. I smiled at myself as I thought this. After spending just 12 hours in his company, his poetic way of talking had rubbed off on me, and to be honest I wasn't sure it was a bad thing at all. I had certainly had a nice comment from my lecturer on how nicely written my most recent essay was. Her exact words were "...you have used the poetic side of the English Language to it's fullest. Well done." I had been quite pleased about that, and had silently thanked Alex.

I jogged over to the other side of the road and turned left up the street to the Village Green. There were a few people knocking around, I smile at a young looking Dad as he went past, a baby strapped to his chest with a sling. He looked exhausted, but glowy all at the same time, new parents normally do. As I got closer to the station I recognised a tall curly haired dark blonde, sitting on the steps that lead up towards the station. When Jade saw me she jumped up and ran over, scooping me up in a warm hug. She smelled of peppermints and Apple shampoo, her favorite. She let go and gave me a once over.

"Looking good babe! I like the eyes. What do you think about mine? Did I go too far on the 'splash of colour'?"

She did a little spin, which showed me that she was in fact wearing a pair of blood red jeans and a black spiral patterned crop top that seem to hang off one shoulder. She had finished the outfit off with a slash of lip gloss, a few sparkles and flicks of liquid eyeliner around the corners of her eye's. And of course, like me she had worn her old leather jacket. I liked it, very Jade.

"You look very sexy and fabulous." I told her, catching her arm in mine and guiding her towards the station entrance. We were gonna be late, but now I was with Jade, it didn't seem to matter as much.

She skipped up the steps with me. "Good, cause thats exactly what I was aiming for!" A small giggle escaped my lips, tonight was going to be fun.

**Sorry, it's kinda short guys, but I actaully really enjoyed writing this and I wish I could have spent more time making it longer. Don't forget to tell me what you think and to SIGN IN so I can reply to all your lovely reviews! Sav x**


	6. I'll Write a Song About You

**- I'll Write a Song About You -**

_"And I bet she told a million people that she'd stay in touch,_

_But all the little promises they don't mean much,_

_When there's memories to be made..."_

"And would you like salt and vinegar with that?"

"Yes, and can I have a little bit of Mayonnaise too, please?" I replied to the young women behind the counter.

Jade and I were currently in a small chippy a few streets away from our destination. After a short(ish) tube ride we had gotten off and I had explained that I hadn't had anything to eat since lunch. As predicted Jade was delighted that we would be getting chips.

"Do you wanna eat them at the party or shall we find a bench?" Jade inquired from behind me. She currently had her arms linked around my neck, face in my hair.

"Urm, lets find a bench, I think that would be the best plan of action." I said as I paid for our chips and turned towards the door, Jade still attached to me. We parted as we went out of the door into the night. Passing the chips to Jade, I took my phone out of my bag and checked the time. The party had started about 15 minutes ago, but I was content to take it slow and eat the the chips, god knows it wouldn't end until early in the morning.

We made our way to a nearby bench that looked quite dirty, but then again, what did you expect in London. We sat and I unwrapped the paper from around my chips, while Jade did the same beside me. We sat and ate for a while, before Jade licked her fingers and turned to me. I silently groaned, here we go.

"Rhea I need to talk to you."

I ate a chip.

"I don't think you're being completely truthful with me about a certain man."

I ate a second chip.

"Rhea! I am talking to you. You are going to have to tell me about him properly at some point. I mean, you haven't even told me his name. I've told you about my adventure last week, so why won't you tell me about yours?"

I sighed and looked up. "Because Jade, I am afraid if I start to talk about him, I won't stop. I am afraid he is going to take over my mind. He's just that sort of guy." I gave a little smile. "Oh and his name is Alex, Alex Turner." And I waited, there was silence from beside me.

And then: "You what! Why didn't you tell me before! Seriously Rhea you have been like the worst friend. Oh wait. You must have slept together, he's fucking sexy as fuck, I don't even know, but the point is, how did you resist?"

I smiled and turned to Jade. "Well actually we did sleep together." She gasped. "As in, we literally slept in the same bed, together, just like I told you before. And how did I resist you ask? Well I resisted because there is more to Al than just a stupidly good body, and right then, that was what I wanted. Oh and also, we may be seeing him tonight, if Matt can persuade him to come."

Jade jumped up and did a little wiggle, arm waving dance thingy, which got some admiring glances from a group of passing men and women. After she had got it out of her system by dancing and a few choice swear words, she sat back down next to me and grabbed my hand.

"Do you know what this means? Do you! It means dreams do come true!"

I nodded my head in agreement. "Indeed it does my dear Jade, indeed it does." She jumped up again throwing half of her chips into the bin next to the bench. Then she turned and looked expectantly at me.

"Well? What are you waiting for? Prince charming awaits!" She crowed joyfully.

I smiled and was caught up in her happiness. Yes, prince charming awaited, if he had even turned up in the first place. I chucked my empty chip rapper in the bin and turned with Jade down the street towards where the party was being held. It seemed that half of London town had, had the same idea as there was an insane amount of people on the streets. I suppose it was New Years Eve after all. I hadn't celebrated it in full last year for various reasons, so I was extra excited about tonight. My favorite times were when the whole country celebrated one certain day. It was as if we were all connected, all one whole, having fun and not only honoring the thing, but each other. I will always love how kind everybody is on Christmas day.

As we neared the location I checked the directions again on Jade's phone, I was not the best at remembering stuff. As it happened the place we were meant to be going to was quite obvious. It seemed to be a small nightclub, I could already hear the bass from inside. As we neared the two black doors, a few people outside looked up. They too were dressed in black, with a splash of colour, we seemed be at the right place. I checked them out and they checked us out too, I realised that none of them had gone for as much colour as Jade though, and I thought was great.

We stepped through the door and down a dimly lit hallway into the doorway of a rather swanky club. Music and conversation swirled around us, assaulting our ears. The bass from hidden speakers vibrated through my body. I looked at Jess and grinned.

"This place is awesome!" I said in a loud whisper. She nodded back, hard. We stepped through the doorway into the actual club. There was rather a lot of people there, the party had defiantly already started. I turned my head to follow a woman dressed as a black and orange cat, as she made her way to the crowded bar across the room. Lights flashed and her eyes lit up, making it obvious she had contact lenses in. Good for her, she looked amazing. Now we had actually made it here, I needed to get in the mood. I needed a drink. I motioned Jade towards the bar, and she followed, looking around with wide eyes. This was obviously a rather expensive club, whoever was playing tonight was rather rich or had friends in good places. Although the club seemed rather tame now, I could feel that as the night came over us, it would all change. We wedged ourselves on a couple of bar stools on the end of the wooden counter. Both of us started to salivate over the colourful array of drinks. I thought I would start with a good old alcoholic Ginger Beer, my favorite. I asked Jade what she was having.

"Oh I'm going straight in and having some of that fire whisky to warm myself up. Did you not feel how cold it was outside? I'm not sure if I have nipples anymore!" She finished with a dramatic flourish which nearly whacked the approaching barman in the face.

He held up his hands as if to fend off any further attacks. "Woah there, watch out. You nearly had my eye out then." He didn't look to annoyed though, as he leaned on the bar and gave us a once over. "What can I get you ladies tonight?" He smirked, giving Jade the eye.

I grimaced at his suggestive air. There was only a few men who I would react positively towards tonight, and unfortunately I hadn't spotted them yet. Jade ended up ordering for us both as I was too busy looking around for any sign of a quiff or Afro, unfortunately none could be seen.

I looked over towards where the music was coming from and saw beyond the crowd of dancing people a DJ, swaying backwards and forwards as she mixed her tracks. Surely that wasn't the act we had all come to see. It had said that there was going to be a band. I puzzled over this for a while, and then came to the conclusion that she must be the warm up act, and a pretty good one too, my feet were itching to get on the heaving dance floor.

The barman came back with our drinks. I noticed that Jade had gone with a rather small whiskey and gave her a knowing smile. Jade wasn't that great at holding her drinks, I could drink her under the table any day, and I never let her forget it. She scowled at me.

"Anything else I can get you lovely women?" Said the annoying barman, who I wished would just go and disappear into the blackness of forever. He wasn't Alex or Matt, and as far as I was concerned any man who wasn't them could piss off. Even of this guy did have floppy blonde hair that got in his eyes. Normally that would make my heart go a bit all over the place, but not tonight.

"No thank you." I answered as coolly as I could. Just because he was good looking, and oh Jesus did he know it, didn't give him the right to leer over us women. He sensed my what I wasn't saying and departed without another word. Good riddance.

"Hey! Why did you have to do that? Just because you don't like him, doesn't mean I don't like him." Said Jade in an indignant voice. I gave her a look. She rolled her eyes. "Fine he was a bit gross I suppose."

I looked again at the dance floor and I felt my longing grow. I had noticed there were tables dotted around the sides of the room, I indicated a vacant one in the far corner to Jade. Grabbing our drinks, we headed that way. We were jostled and pushed as we made our way across the floor, but in a good way. I smiled again, my body was alive with the bass, fingers already dancing to the music. We dumped our drinks on the table, I took off my jacket and unhooked my bag off my shoulder to push under the table. I was pretty sure this place was safe, but you could never be too careful. Jade followed my lead, shedding her equally gorgeous jacket, revealing her lovely black crop top. She stood up and downed the last of her glass of whisky, as I downed a gulp of my beer. After that we turned in unison and headed towards the floor, ready to show them how to really move.

I gasped for air as I walked back to our thankfully still vacant table. It seemed that placing drinks on them had some how reserved it for us, I told you this was a fancy place. I sat down on one of the plush stools that was just under the table and took a gulp of my now rather flat beer. We had been dancing longer than I thought, and Jade was still going for it. The secret band who were meant to be playing arrived about 15 minutes after we started to dance. They were called Dub Mafia, oh my god could the dub it up. I was so buying their album afterwards.

I lifted my hair up from the nape of my neck and fanned with my other hand in an effort to gets some cool air on my sweaty skin. And then a voice cut through the noise of the club.

"Need some help there Darlin'?" Said the voice from just behind me, I recognised it instantly. I stayed looking at the wall opposite me, letting my hair fall back down to my shoulders. I smiled.

" I can cool myself perfectly well thank you very much Alex." I stayed looking the other way.

"Oh but how can you cool yourself when you're so damned hot?" Came his voice.

I stayed cool for about 2 seconds and then through my head back and laughed hard. I turned still sniggering to were Alex was standing in a very fetching black t-shirt, with black skinny jeans and one of his black leather jackets. Oh baby, you're so dark.

"Are you fucking serious Alex? That was bad, even for you!"

I sniggered again, as he looked away and smiled an embarrassed smile. He rubbed his neck and looked down, his messy quiff pointing to between my crossed legs. "Yeah, sorry 'bout that. I'm not entirely sure where that came from."

"Your awkward 15 year old self maybe?" I suggested, giving him a wink.

He smiled at me. "Yeah probably. Anyway, getting off that rather embarrassing subject, I have a question."

I frowned, shit he sounded really serious. "Yes?" I prompted, watching him settle down on the stool opposite me. He rested his chin on his clasped hands and looked at me. I copied his position and raised my eyebrows.

"Why did you leave me like that? You didn't even give me a chance to say goodbye Rhea."

This time he raised his eyebrows at me. I sighed and turned to look somewhere else that wasn't Alex. I could just about spot Jade dancing with some blonde guy, I hoped it wasn't that barman.

Now was the time to decide whether to be truthful or make something up. I opened my mouth and spoke, really hoping I wouldn't regret what I was about to say.

"Because I wanted to leave you as bewildered as you make me, because I was stupid, because I wanted to pretend it wasn't goodbye." I looked down at the table, and scratched at a bit of dirt. "Because I didn't want to make it more than it was. Lets be honest Alex, where the hell could we have gone from there. I suppose I just thought I would leave quickly and we could forget about each other. Move on." I shrugged, still looking down at the fake wooden table.

"Rhea?"

"Yeah?"

"Look at me."

I did. I couldn't meet his eyes. Shit, shit shit. Why had I just said that? I was going to totally weird him out now, just you wait and see.

"Urm, excuse me." We both jerked our heads up to see a young man with a camera round his neck, a buzz cut and wearing a bright yellow t-shirt. Put all this together and it was just a little bit of an eye sore. He reached out his hand to me, I automatically shook it, he then turned towards Alex.

"Hi, my name is Jeremy and I was wondering if could possibly have your picture? You see I am currently in Kings Uni and I am studying Photography. " He paused and looked down, embarrassed. "And, well, I really like your band. It would be a genuine pleasure to take a photo of you."

He looked back at me and smiled. I stretched my lips in what I hope was some sort of smile. Alex glanced at me from across the small table, I widened my eyes slightly. What the fuck was this? Anyone could have seen we were having quite a serious conversation. Unless, it seemed, you were someone like Buzz Cut here.

Alex seemed to awaken, sitting up straight and smiling his signature smirk. I didn't know who he was anymore. Alex stretched out his hand and stood up. Buzz cut shook it eagerly.

"Yeah man, sure, where do you want me?" Alex drawled, his voice becoming un-bovvered and deep.

Buzz Cut played with the strap on his expensive looking camera. "Urm, well actually I was wondering if I could have picture of both of you?"

My head came up from where it had been looking at the Alex's hands as he lent on the table. A picture with me? Why? If I did let this guy take a picture of me, then knew that it would be on the internet in no time at all. Did I really want this sort of thing to happen already. I mean, Alex and I barely know each other for gods sake. I looked at Alex for some sort of instructions. He looked me straight in the eye and then made the smallest movement with his head. I recognised it as a nod. I made a 'fine' face. I just hoped that people would think I was just another Arctic Monkeys fan lucky enough to get a picture with Al.

I smiled an accepting smile at Jeremy. "Sure, whatever, make sure to get me on my good side though yeah?" I winked at him. He blushed and nodded.

He took his camera in his hands and aimed it at us. "You are fine where you are now actually."

We nodded in acceptance and waited. There was a couple of flashes, then he moved a bit more to the left, aiming his camera at a slight angle. There was another flash, I looked at Alex, to see that he was already looking at me. Suddenly it all became a bit too much. I burst out laughing, which made Alex's face crack into a smile I recognised. There was one last flash, which left lights dancing in my eyes. Jeremy came over to us again, a smile of gratitude on his face.

"Thank you so much. These pictures are going to be great." Alex nodded and sat back down on the stool he had vacated earlier.

"No problem Jeremy, I hope you get some good comments on them."

"Oh I'm sure I will. You are the most well known person I have photographed yet." Jeremy then looked at me and a puzzled look came over his face. "By the way, are you a model by any chance?"

I spluttered. "Are you serious? No, I am most certainly not a model." I snorted.

A look of surprise flashed across Jeremy's face. "Oh really? I just thought you were, you seem used to having pictures taken of you. You look very natural in the photo's."

I shook my head. "No, sorry to disappoint you."

He nodded his head, eyebrows raised. "Have you ever thought of being one?"

I frowned in remembrance. "Yeah actually, I was spotted when I was about 15, but, urm things happened and I was unable to even contemplate it. Plus, I have always had it in my head that if I was going to go into modeling, I would want to make something of myself, before I became a clothes hanger with a pretty face."

Jeremy chuckled and nodded in understanding. "Yeah I agree, there are so many nameless models out there. Anyway, thanks so much for the photo I really appreciate it."

"No problem hun."

Jeremy turned, and made his way into the large crowd. I stayed looking after him for a while, memories causing a bit of a whirlwind in my head.

"A clothes hanger with a pretty face?"

I turned back to the table and finished off my now extremely flat beer. I shrugged. "Just my opinion of most models. Of course some are pretty and clever enough to make something of themselves as models, but I have am neither, so it's not even an option for me."

He shook his head at me. "That's not true. You are a very good looking woman and I know for a fact you are clever enough to get where you want, when you want. The only thing I think you lack is the ability to be ruthless to others, and that would cost you in the modeling business. Believe me, I was a witness to it for a long time."

I shrugged again. "Well then, that pretty much settles it. Modeling is not for me." I got down from the stool and rummaged under the table for my jacket. I found it and slipped it on.

Rotating in the direction of the door, I looked over my shoulder at the still seated Alex.

"I'm gonna go out for a breather, it's quite stuffy in here, you wanna come?"

He nodded and got down from the stool. We pushed our way through the ever growing throng of people. It must be near midnight. I wondered where Jade was, probably still dancing with that dude. I was feeling rather melancholy after recalling memories of years before. From when I was about 15 to 18 I had been in a very bad relationship with someone who was much older than me. He had treated me extremely badly. He had used me and I had been too naive to see it. I was feeling shaky and small, the shoves from the crowd around me seemed to bruise my suddenly delicate frame. I just needed to get out. I would be fine once I was outside.

We finally made it to the door, Alex walked next to me as we made our way up the hall to the exit. I looked at him as he strode next to me with confident steps, head held high. I wanted some of that strength. I needed some of that strength right now. Reaching out my hand, I pulled Alex's arm up and over my shoulders, holding his hand in both of mine. I lent my head against his shoulder, we were perfect height for each other. I could almost feel his smile.

"You alright there love?"

"Mmmm." Was my only reply to him. He seemed content with that.

As we neared the door, I noticed another door, which had 'Balcony' inscribed across it's front. Tugging on Alex's arm, I directed him to it, and tried the handle to see if it was open. It swung towards us when I turned and pulled. Reluctantly I let Alex go, as we made our way up a dimly lit narrow staircase. When we finally reached the top, we burst through the door at the top onto what seemed to be a very neglected balcony. Considering the notice downstairs had been so fancy, I had expected more, maybe even a secret garden or something. There was bits of rubbish strewn across the floor, leaves skidded across in the slight breeze and a abandoned bin stood in the left corner. Lovely. I walked over to the concrete wall that went just about up to my chest and looked over the edge into the street below. We seemed to have climbed a lot further than I had previously thought. I felt an arm slide around my waist as I looked up at the sky.

"Hi." I said softly.

"Hey." Came the equally soft response.

Tonight was so clear I could almost see the stars though London's glow. Or maybe I was just imagining it because I missed them. Growing up in the country I had, had access to the night's masterpieces whenever I wanted, and now I wished I had taken more notice of them while I could. I will admit it freely, I missed it. I had moved away from home to Bristol when I was 16, and before then I had been away often, performing and working with the circus group I was with back then. I missed the cold windy days taking our dog, Shanti, out for a walk along our mile long track. I missed the fields and the woods, the gorge and Albi the horse in the secret field. I missed Mum's cooking, the chatter of all 8 of us round our big kitchen table. I missed my home and oh did it make my stomach ache. I sighed.

"What ya thinkin bout Sweat'eart?" Came his voice next to my ear. I shivered.

"Home. I miss it sometimes you know?"

"Yeah. I do know." He said dryly. I could have kicked myself. Of course he knew what it felt like. Thinking about it, where the hell was Alex's home. As far as I knew he didn't 'live' anywhere.

"Yeah, sorry, stupid question. Alex, where is your home, if you don't mind me asking?" I looked up at him, he was staring across at the 3 story building opposite us. He opened his mouth and then shut it again and looked at me.

"To be honest Rhea, I have no idea. I would say back in High Green, but that would be a lie. High Green was my childhood home, and I am no longer a child." He looked away, and took his arm away from me, I felt instantly colder. I watched as he fished a cigarette packet out of his jean pocket, plucked one out and put it to his lips. Next he drew a black lighter from out of his jacket pocket. Flicking the switch, a flame lit up, illuminating his face for a second, making him look like a phantom. He drew in a breath and let it out. It was so god damn sexy I almost gasped in horror. That shit was so not good for your emotional well being.

After he had taken another pull, he continued, smoke curling from his mouth as he talked.

"I s'pose you could say that Terminal 5 at Heathrow is as much my home as anywhere else. When we arrive back in England I definitely feel like I have returned."

"They say home is where the heart is." I said unhelpfully.

Alex nodded, still not looking at me. "That they do."

It seemed I stumbled across a sore spot for Alex. I really felt for him. He had basically been touring since he was 19 years old, never really having on place to stay for longer than a few months. Well, I heard that he and Alexa had a flat in New York, but with the amount he was away, I hazard a guess that he wasn't there much of the time. Now I was on the subject of touring, the band came into my mind, and then I realised something.

"Alex? Where the hell is Matt?" I jumped up on to the wall and sat facing Alex, my back to the drop down onto the street.

He chuckled. "Urm, well, apparently Brea had some problems and she needed Matt's help immediately. I don't know what it was, and I don't really want to know."

I laughed. "You serious. Matt ditched you because his girlfriend had some 'problems'? Oh, that's so funny." I giggled a bit more and then sobered up. Alex had finished his fag, and was leaning against the wall next to me. It was probably time to go back down and find Jade. Just as I was about to propose this to Alex, my phone, which I had shoved in my jacket pocket earlier, dinged. Fishing it out, I turned it on. **Jade:** _1 Message_ lit up the screen. Huh? I unlocked it and went straight onto my texts.

**Jade:** _'im heading off with this guy that i met, he's really nice. i saw you with alex and to be honest i think you guys should be on your own for now, i saw how he affects you, dont play with this one. im not really drunk, dont worry, i can get a cab and all that shite. love you getta kiss out of him for me yeah? xxx'_

I raised my eyebrows and opened and shut my mouth. So she had left me in a club I had never been to before, with a man I had only met once. I told you we were best friends right? Yeah well sometimes she scares me a bit, by how well she knows me.

"Is there a problem?" Alex asked.

I looked up at him and shook my head. "No, not really, it's just that my friend, who I was here with, has abandoned me for sex as well. What are the odds?"

He laughed at my incredulous expression. "Wow, we are really loved aren't we."

"We sure are." And I agreed completely. I think Matt and Jade knew exactly what they were doing when they decided to leave us to our own devices.

I sent a quick text back. _'i think you know me better than i know myself sometimes. see you later xxx'_

Now the question was what to do. Like I had pointed out to Alex on that night, leather jackets were not as warm as they were made out to be. I wanted to go somewhere and warm, somewhere quiet.

"Hey Al, do you wanna get a hot drink or something? I'm kinda full of the party scene now…"

Alex looked relieved. I think he too was feeling the chill and maybe something else, we both had a lot of shit that we kept stumbling upon.

"Yeah, actually, that sounds great. I saw a 24/7 diner or summat just down the street, d'you wanna go there?"

I nodded in agreement and jumped off the wall. I didn't realise how cold I had gotten sitting on the stone, but now my body was stiff and I wasn't sure if I actually had an arse anymore. I walked to the door that went off the balcony, it screeched in a way I hadn't noticed before. It's funny what we miss when we are so preoccupied by others.

When we got back into the club, the noise, smell of sweat and other unsavory things, made me feel heady and trapped. I pushed my way as fast as I could to our old table and grabbed my bag from underneath. I sent up a silent prayer of thanks. Alex had waited for me at the exit of the club, also seeming to not want to be in its clutches.

"This way." Alex pointed right up the street, and we started to walk. I shivered. Jeez, why didn't I just follow my own advice? It was frickin' December for gods sake, soon to be January. Thinking of that I took out my phone again and checked the time. It was 11:30pm on the dot. Soon to be the new year.

"Are you cold?"

"Yes." I could now see the diner, its lights looked warm and inviting. Just a few more yards to go and then hot chocolate and heat.

"You know, I were once informed by a very insistent young woman. that leather jackets aren't as warm as they are made out to be."

I rolled my eyes. "Hmm, well I do believe she was right and I will try and follow her advice."

He chuckled. "Good, because she's very clever you know."

I smiled and then bit my lip. I instantly regretted it, as I knew that now I had started I wouldn't stop, and I would wake up tomorrow with chapped lips. Great.

"You know you look quite cute when you bite your lip."

"Shut up Alex."

He laughed at my annoyed tone. "Ok."

"Thanks."

"No problem."

We had arrived at the little coffee shop which was named The Cup & Saucer. Original, I liked it. Considering it was nearly midnight there was only a few people in the place, a old man and woman, and a black guy sitting sipping their drinks. I made my way to the counter where a lone woman, probably in her early sixties, sat reading the paper. She looked up, smiled and put down her paper as I neared her.

"What can I get you on this rather chilly night?" I smiled back at her, appreciating her open vibe.

I'll have a Hot Chocolate with all the extra's please and I have no idea what he's having." I indicated Alex.

The woman did a double take as she took in Alex for the first time. He smiled he charming smile.

"I'll have a coffee, black please, love."

Still smiling she turned to her till and tapped in our orders. "That'll be £6:50 please, my lovely."

I started to rummage in my bag for my purse, but Alex put his hand to my arm to stop me. I looked up, lips pursed.

"What?"

"I'll pay Darlin'"

"Fine." I moved to the side, as he got his wallet out of his pocket. Jesus Christ, I swear this guy had magic pockets. I half expected him to pull a frickin' guitar and pick next.

After Alex had paid, the lady said that we could go to a table and wait, she would bring them over soon. We did so and settled in on a table in the far corner, as far away from the door as possible. We craved heat to warm our chilled bodies. After we had sat down I looked over at Alex, grinning.

"So, it's 20 minutes until the new year, any new year's resolutions?"

He shook his head, and looked down at his clasped hands on the table top. "No. I gave up making them a long time ago."

I gasped. "Well you're no fun. Come on, let's at least do one each?"

Alex scrunched up his face. I rolled my eyes. "Oh come on Alex. It'll be fun."

He let out a big huff. Well wasn't he making much ado about nothing,it was only a New Year's resolution after all, you'd think I was asking him to climb Mount Everest or something.

"Fine."

"Good." I smirked. "I knew you would come around." He gave me a look.

"You have to do one too though ok?"

"Of course!" I made a 'duh' face.

He looked up at the ceiling, stretched his arms above his head and then cracked his knuckles. Like I said, much ado about nothing.

He rubbed his jaw and looked at me, I raised my eyebrows and my lips twitched. It was scary how much this man made me smile.

"Ok, got it." He said, a satisfied smile on his lips.

"And it is…?" I inquired.

"I am going to right a song about you."

I jerked back in my seat under Alex's watchful gaze. Well that was unexpected. What the hell was I supposed to say.

"Thank you? I think."

"No problem, it will be a genuine pleasure. Just one thing. If I am going to write about you I will need to see you more often." He seemed to chew the inside of his mouth, a habit I had noticed he had when he was nervous.

I chuckled and crossed my arms. "Why you sneaky bugger. I see what your doing here."

He shrugged and looked at the white plastic table.

I sobered and reached over, taking his clenched hands in mine. He wound his fingers through mine, making my tummy go a just a lil funny inside.

"Alex?"

He looked up.

"I would be honored if you would write a song about me. Even if the song is awful, which highly doubt, I will still listen to it and be grateful that someone bothered to at least try."

Before he could reply, we were interrupted by the lady, bringing over our drinks. She beamed at us each in turn as she placed them down in front of us. After she had done that she clasped her hands together and looked at us both.

"I would just like to say that you two seem like a lovely couple. It's such a delight to see young love."

Rather than correcting her and coursing her possibly embarrassment, decided to humor her.

"Thank you. These look like they are going to be delicious."

She nodded. "Yes, I took special care in making them, I always do with people I like."

I smiled at her gratefully. What a lovely woman.

She turned to Alex and lent forwards, as if she was about to tell him a secret. In a low voice she said. "I also want to say that I know who you are. My granddaughter loves your band very much, I paid for her to come and see you earlier in the Summer. So I was wondering if you could possibly sign something for her?"

A small smile played on Alex's lips. "Yes, of course I will. I am glad she enjoyed it."

The lady squeezed his shoulder gratefully. "Thank you so much, she will be over the moon. Let me just go and get a piece of paper and a pen." And with that she went over to the till, and picked up the stuff she needed. She was back in a flash, and passing the things to Alex. Alex quickly scribbled his signature and a message which I couldn't read as it was upside down. I was never very good at that sort of thing. When he had finished he passed it to the lady.

"Thank you so much. Just so you know, I won't tell anyone you are here, I promise, however I can't promise my Granddaughter won't put this up on the internet or something of that sort."

Alex nodded in understanding. "Don't worry, it's ok if you tell people I were here, just maybe wait until we have gone."

The lady flapped her hands in a reassuring motion. "Oh no, don't you worry love, your secret is safe with me." With that she turned back around and disappeared into the back of the coffee shop.

"Well then." I said eyeing my drink. "Now that's over and done with, down to business I think." I lent forward and licked a wadge of my cream off the top of my drink.

My toes curled in gratitude. It was so good.

"You have cream on your nose."

"I know. Do you like it? It's the new fashion."

"Very fetching Darlin'"

"Indeed."

I wiped it for with my finger and then licked it, Alex eyeing me the whole time.

We sat and drank for a while, and it has to be said that it was possibly the best Hot Chocolate I had ever had. I said this to Alex and he agreed that his Coffee was pretty fine.

After a while of playing with rim of his coffee mug Alex jerked his head up. "Wait a sec! You 'aven't said your resolution, and I bet you it's nearly midnight."

I groaned. I hadn't forgotten, I just had hoped he had. I had no idea how I was going to top his, it was pretty much up there with the greats.

"Urm, I actually have no idea what I should do." I pursed my lips in irritation, I was normally really good at them.

"Come on Darlin', you were pretty insistent on me doing one."

"I know that! I just can't think of one. Your one was so good, I can't think of one that is equal to it. It's very personal Alex."

"Well since I did one about you, maybe you could do one about me?" He spread his hands out in suggestion.

"Yep, that is a good point. The thing is, what do you want from me?"

He looked down at the puddle of lukewarm coffee at the bottom of his cup. He stirred it thoughtfully, then looked up, a peculiar smile on his face. "I want you to stay in touch with me. And I want you to not abandon me on anymore stations without at least giving me a proper goodbye."

My stomach clenched and whirled. It was like he could read my mind. What was this? I had barely known this man for more than a couple weeks and it's not like we had seen each other everyday. I closed my eyes against the unwelcome tears that wanted to form in my eyes. I was so scared that he could hurt me, god know's it was a well known fact that Alex wasn't exactly celibate between relationships, and even then there had been talk. And yet that was what the media said, and they can never be trusted.

Was I strong enough to make commitments like this? Did I trust myself not be stuck in another abusive relationship with someone who cheated, lied and hit me. Like I said, I hadn't been that lucky in love.

I opened my eyes to see Al gazing at me, his brown eyes alive with hidden emotions. He was looking slightly uncomfortable, playing with his hands nervously. He looked away after a while. How could I say no to him. We both knew perfectly well what he was asking me.

I reached across the table and took his hands in mine. They clutched onto mine, strong and sure. I turned them over and looked at them. They were not soft and smooth, on the fingertips calluses browned, a few tiny scars were dotted around, telling tales of childhood adventures, mistakes and dares. They were not hands of a gentle life, they were hands of a man who lived and loved, now they held onto mine like a lifeline, and who was I to deny them safety?

"Ok." I said quietly.

"Ok?"

"Yeah."

I let go of them and stood up, I reached under the table and got my bag from where I had put it earlier. I then held out my hand to him. "Come on, it's gonna be the count down soon."

He stood up and took my hand without any hesitance, fingers curled through mine. We both smiled in thanks to the lady behind the till, and she returned it. I opened the door, the December, soon to be January, night had no effect on me. I was warm inside and out, from the hand in mine. Alex curved his arm around my waist and I did the same around his, hooking my thumb in a vacant belt loop. With my other hand I got my phone out of my jacket pocket and checked the time, 11:59. There were a few people also milling around, presumably from the club as they were wearing the instructed attire. Many of them were staring upwards at the sky, presumably waiting for the fireworks that were sure to appear.

One man, leaning up against the wall of a house opposite, looked up and started to shout "_10...9...8...7"_

I raised my head and shouted with him, Alex joined me and together we shouted in the new year.

"_...3...2...1! Happy New Year!_" The shout seemed to bounce of the walls and into our hearts, happiness coursed through my veins. I looked at Alex, who was looking down at me, a small smile on is lips, the lights from the fireworks glistened in his hair. He leant forwards slowly, just as was about to reach my lips, he turned his head slightly, and brushed his lips gently on the corner of my mouth.

"I know Rhea, slowly." I felt suddenly light headed, and I snuggled into Alex's neck, and breathed in his scent. Alex rested his head on mine, and together we watched the start of a new year.

_"...And I hope you're holding hands by new year's eve,_

_They made it far too easy to believe,_

_That true romance can't be achieved these days"_

**So guys, I am really happy with this chapter, I really enjoyed writing it and I hope you can tell! Let me know what you think and thank you for all your lovely review and comments, they truly make my day. **

**p.s Dub Mafia are an actual band and they are really good!**

Sav x


	7. Will You Fall With Me When I Trip?

**- Will You Fall With Me When I Trip? - **

_Yours is the only ocean that I want to swing from_

_Yours is the only ocean that I want to hang on_

I awoke on my front, face towards my door, an unfamiliar scent tickled my nose, spice, smoke and just pure him. I slowly turned my head to see an empty space next to me. I reached over with my hand and tested the temperature of the sheets. The warmth from his body still clung to them like his smell. I rolled over and flopped my arm over my eyes, shielding them from the light.

After the fireworks had finished and no amount of hugging could stop us from freezing, I had suggested that we head back to mine. Now Alex had made it obvious that he knew how I felt, that I wanted us to take our time, I felt safer, less worried about what he might expect. We took the tube back, even though Alex wanted to get a cab, I refused, the streets were going to be so busy, it was sure to take hours. Somewhere along the journey back on the tube, I fell asleep, only to be awoken by Alex, his hands soft on my face. After we had shut the house door behind us, I had gone into the kitchen and prepared another hot drink for us and then headed up to bed, followed by Alex. When we had gone into my room, Alex had gone straight to my wardrobe and fetched the pajama trousers out with such familiarity that I run over and hugged him from behind. After that we had changed and got into bed, sipping our drinks and chatting about mundane things, like how I needed to go shopping tomorrow. When we had finished, we had simply put our drinks aside, snuggled up together and fallen asleep. It seemed coffee had no effect on Alex whatsoever, as he was asleep before I knew it.

Now I lay, trying to hold on to the stray wisps of sleep as they slipped away in the daylight. Alex had told me last night that on Monday, he and the band were heading off to Australia, to do a few gigs there, they all started on Alex's birthday no less. He said he didn't mind, he quite enjoyed doing a show on his birthday. A hollow feeling in my belly had made the smile fall off my face. I didn't want him to go. Ever.

There was a soft click, and my door inched open.

"I'm awake." I said, my arm still over my face, I could just about peek out from underneath it.

"Good mornin' Darlin'"

"Humph" Was my only reply, as I rolled over, hiding my face in my pillows. I didn't want the day to begin. I had stuff to do, places to be, people to see. Bugger.

"Made you some tea. You said you like one sugar right?"

I rolled back over and eyed Alex where he stood, looking gorgeous in his back t-shirt and pajama bottoms.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

I pulled myself up to rest my back on the headboard of my bed, "Thanks". I smiled at him.

He smiled back and sat down on the side of the bed, putting my cup of tea on the bedside table. Standing up again, he walked over to my curtains and pulled them back, revealing a glorious blue sky. I squinted in the light, my eyes stung, so I shut them

"Jesus Alex, you could at least have warned me." I said, keeping my eyes closed.

I felt the bed dip by my feet and then up beside me.

"I could 'ave warned you, but where would the fun be in that?"

I shook my head in what I hoped was his direction, "Well, I'm blaming you if I go blind.

I cracked my eyes open to see him grinning at me, his mug cradled in his hands. I glanced at his hair I saw it was in complete disarray, sticking up all over the place and falling just into his eyes. I flashed a pointed look at the cup of whatever he was drinking.

"I see you have well and truly made yourself at home."

He shrugged, careful not to spill his drink, "Well I thought I may as well."

"I'm glad you did." I took a sip of my tea.

"Me too."

I put my drink back on my bedside table and looked over, grinning at him, "My tea's perfect by the way, thank you."

"Good, I'm glad."

"Me too." I started to laugh and then I couldn't stop. I was so damned joyful all of a sudden. I missed having this sort of companionship with a guy. I missed just being with one, not having sex, flirting or giving each other the eye, just being.

"Wow, I am so bloody happy right now." I gasped out, after my laughter had subsided.

He raised his eyebrows, "Well, don't your moods change rather dramatically."

I nodded, "Uh Huh."

I stuck my finger in my tea, it was still too hot to fully enjoy. I snuggled back down under the blankets, pulling them up over my head. As an after thought I stuck my bare legs up, making a tent with them, the light shone through patches in the quilt. My legs were now on full display as all I had on was an old t-shirt of mine and a pair of knickers. There was a rustle from beside me, and Alex's body slid down next to me. After glancing at my legs, he too stuck his up, his trouser legs falling down to reveal strong calves.

Still looking at the light through the duvet I said, "Did you ever do this as a kid and pretend you were in another completely different world?"

"Yes." Came his soft reply.

I reached over to him and took his hand in mine. He gave it a small squeeze, and I returned it. After that, he just gently rubbed my hand with his thumb. I was content until I could bare it no longer.

"I am going to have to put my legs down. They've gone numb."

Alex groaned as we brought our legs down, the blanket collapsing all around us. Pushing the duvet aside I came up for air, and was once again momentarily blinded by the light. Not yet daylight, not yet, just let me stay in bed a little longer.

"I can't feel my legs." Alex moaned from beside me.

I chuckled, "Oh you will soon, I promise."

Sure enough, no more than about 10 seconds later, we were both lamenting in pain as the blood flowed back into our legs, filling them with pins and needles. I lay as still as I could, the slightest movement made the horrible feeling swell in my legs.

I slowly turned my head to Alex, "If you move, I will not be responsible for my actions."

Alex looked at me, and raised his eyebrows, "Oh, really…"

The smile dropped from my face, "Alex?"

And then I felt his leg against mine, feeling tingled in shock all up my leg. I yelped and tried to jump away, but more sharp tingles ran up my calf. Suddenly Alex disappeared under the blanket and grabbed my leg. I tried to wriggle away, but Alex had a firm grasp on my ankle, and then he started to tickle my feet. I screamed, half in laughing and half in annoyance, and then went crazy. I yanked my foot out of his grasp, and scuttled over to his side of bed that was near the wall, huddling in the the corner there, my legs screaming as blood rushed through them. I pulled my over sized t-shirt up and over my legs, hugging them to my chest. Alex emerged from the duvet, looking decidedly more disheveled than before. I scowled at him from across the bed. He sat up, pulling the duvet up and around his shoulders, like a huge white cloak, when he was done only his face was visible. I almost smiled, almost. He looked up at me, making his eyes huge, I felt like they were staring into my soul.

"I don't like being tickled." I stated, still giving him the evil eye.

"Does anybody?"

"Yes, just not me."

Slowly, still keeping my eye on him, I crawled over to the edge of my bed and yanked a shopping back from the floor beside it that I left there yesterday morning. Next, still on my bed, I lent over to the chair and rummaged in my bag, pulling a pen knife triumphantly from it's depths. I crawled back to my spot in the corner up against the wall with my findings, feeling Alex's eyes on me the whole time. When I positioned myself back comfortably, sitting with my legs bent to my side, I got a mango out of the plastic shopping bag. I had bought it yesterday and had forgotten to eat it. I held it and applied gentle pressure to it, the flesh just gave way, perfect. Unlocking my pen knife, I started to peel the mango of its red and green skin.

"You're rather peculiar Rhea."

"I know. You can have some if you want."

"Yeah please."

"If you say sorry." I said, still concentrating on peeling the mango, putting the skin in the now empty shopping bag.

He sighed, "I'm sorry."

I shook my head, "That's not good enough."

"I'm really sorry…?"

"Nope"

"Oh come on."

"I'm waiting." I said cocking my head to the side, looking at him from under my lashes.

He pushed his hair out of his face irritably, he must really want that mango, "Rhea, I am really sorry from the bott'm of my heart for ticklin' your feet. Please forgive me, babe?"

I jerked my head up and beamed at him, "Why yes of course I forgive you silly. Please come and share my mango."

He crossed his arms, letting the quilt fall down around his chest, "Well what if I don't want it anymore? What if you've put me off?"

I shrugged, cutting a sliver off the dripping yellow fruit, "I don't mind, I can just have it all to myself then, sharing can be such a bother sometimes."

I took a bite of the of the delicious moist flesh, flavour exploded on my tongue, I moaned in pleasure and closed my eyes, "Oh Alex it's so delicious, it's such a shame you don't want any."

I opened my eyes and peeked at him. He was staring at me, a look of disbelief on his face, his mouth hung ever so slightly open. I raised my eyebrows at him, "What? Sometimes words just won't suffice."

I took another bite, chewed and then swallowed. A smile crept onto my face and then I giggled. He smiled and got onto his hands and knees, pulling the blanket with him as he crawled towards me. He plonked himself beside me and held out his hand. I put a piece in it, making sure to touch his hand as I did so.

Looking ahead at my door he said, "Tell me somethin' about you, Love. Thinkin' about it, I barely know the small things."

I frowned, "Urm ok, if you're sure?"

"I am."

I took in a big breath and let it out. Where to start? "Well I was a festival baby, as in I was actually born in a birthing tent, at a festival. I was brought up in a old farm house on 70 acres of land in South/West Wales. My parents are called Bell and Julian, although everybody just calls him J. They named me Rhea Bella Hallam Lovelock, I got my Mother's surname because I was the girl, and I was 19 years old on September the 17th. "

I was interrupted by Alex, he had turned fully to face me, "Wait, wait, you're only 19? Are you fookin' serious?"

I gave him a challenging look, "Yes I am. Is that a problem?"

He relaxed, and lent back up against the wall, "No. No it doesn't matter. I jus' thought you were older. You certainly don't seem 19, you have the air of a person who has lived and seen a lot."

"Yeah, since I was about 14, people have thought I was much older."

He nodded thoughtfully, "I can see why. Anyway, carry on, it's interesting."

I laughed, "Really?"

"Yes" He said, as he reached over and took another slice of mango.

"Ok, well about a year and a half later they had my brother Kestrel, have I mentioned we were a hippie family?"

Alex grinned at me, "No you haven't, but I think it's great."

I shook my head at him, "Anyway, a year and a half later they split up and Mum got together with with my current step-dad John, who is as much a father to me as my real dad. John already had two kids with his previous partner, two girls called Fey and Dana, and to be quite honest Alex, I can't remember life before they became my sisters. Later on my other brother was born, Arthur, and then a few years later when I was 13, we got parental guardianship of one of our friends, Storm, as his Mother was unable to look after him anymore. He is a brother to me just as much as Art and Kes."

I turned my head against the wall and looked at Alex's incredulous expression, "Jesus Rhea, your family has like the craziest names."

I nodded and smile fondly, "You could say we are unique."

He smiled back at me, "You could say that." He looked out of the window at the still bright sky. "I can't imagine having that many siblings at such an early age. If ever I were to have had brothers, they would be Matt, Jamie and Nick."

"I think that's really quite lovely."

"Me too. Carry on"

I did as he asked, "As we were hippies, predictably me and my 5 siblings were all home educated from birth, and until I went to Bristol to CircoMedia, which is a big circus uni, I had never been in any sort of schooling environment. Saying that though, I did have a tutor from the age of 14, she was lovely, and taught me until I was 16 and I did my GCSE's. I took, English Language, English literature, Maths, Psychology and Child Development. I got A's in all of them, except for Maths and Psychology which I got B's in. As you can guess, I was pretty pleased with myself."

"I knew you were clever."

I shrugged, "I was good at what I did because my teacher was excellent, I loved what I was studying, well except Maths, and I did it at my own speed. Plus I had a goal to work towards, being a professional circus performer, and that always helps."

"Yeah, havin' a goal to work towards is always a good idea, it gets the fire lit."

"Exactly."

"So, basically I have been doing circus training since I was 13 and haven't stopped. And that's how I got these babies!" I held up my arms to the side and flexed my muscles. Some people found it a bit weird that a woman was so well muscled, but I loved them as they were evidence to me that I worked hard and that it was all very real.

Alex reached over and squeezed my arms playfully. He twisted his mouth to the side, "Very nice, but look at these bigguns!" He flexed his arms and my belly did a little wallop.

I turned my head away and sniffed, pushing the embarrassing feelings away, "Yeah, well you are a man after all, they have bigger upper body strength than women. Women are flexible, bet you can't do the splits."

Alex sighed, "No I can't do the splits, and I 'ave never tried cause one day I would like to be able to have children."

I snorted, "You have no idea how many times I have heard that excuse."

Alex shrugged, giving me a smile, "What can I say, men are quite alike in some area's."

"Indeed."

I looked away and rubbed my face with my hand and then ruffled my hair. I stood up and looked down at the still seated Alex, "Come on, we have things to do, people to see, places to go."

Alex scrunched his face up in annoyance, "Ugh, fook, must we?"

I turned around and jumped off my bed, landing rather gracefully if I say so myself. I twisted back to him and put my hands out in a 'whatever' gesture, "You can stay in bed if you want, but I'm hungry, I gotta hang my washing out and I need more food, I am like nearly completely out."

He jumped up, the duvet billowed and then fell behind him, hair flopped, "Fine, but can I 'ave a shower?"

I walked over to my wardrobe, "Yes, of course you can. There are two bathrooms, you can shower in my one just outside my room, there should be shampoo, towel and all that shit in there."

I had opened my wardrobe door and was now skimming the contents for something to wear. Making up my mind, I grabbed what I needed, then walked back to the door and opened it. Alex followed me through, holding his jeans in his hands. Before he went into the bathroom, I turned back around, remembering something.

Pushing my hair out of my eyes, I said, "Actually in my wardrobe at the bottom, I think there is a man's Strokes T-shirt if you wanna wear that. It was my brother's who is around the same size as you. Just if you wanna change out of that one?"

He smiled at me, "Yeah, thanks Darlin, I'll 'ave a look."

"Alrighty then." Giving him one last look, I turned around and headed down the landing, into the other bathroom near the top of the stairs. Unlike my one that Al was currently inhabiting, I could hear the shower being turned on, this bathroom was light and quite fancy. Sally had, had it renovated only about a month ago and it was in the latest fashion; modern but still with the old style. Right opposite the door a small window looked out onto our next door neighbor's garden, and if you strained your head to the left you could just about see the wooded shoreline of the Thames. I loved it.

I dropped my stuff on the light blue chair in there and turned on the shower that ran into a porcelain white bathtub that gleamed in the light. The droplets from the shower hit the glass guard on the side of the bath, casting a slight sheen across it. I pulled the over sized black t-shirt off my body, and then took off my black knickers, revealing my naked body. I held hands with myself and pushed my arms up above my head, crunches and clicks echoed through the room. My body wasn't exactly quiet in the morning. After I had stretched to my hearts content, I stepped into the shower, the water ran down through my hair and onto my body, making me gasp, it wasn't quite hot enough yet. It quickly warmed up though. I only took a small amount of time to enjoy the water and then reached for the my rose shampoo, pouring some in my hand, the showers spray falling down my marked back in rivers, relieving my strained muscles.

When I was done washing I stepped out of the shower and grabbed a fluffy white cloud off the radiator. After I had dried myself, I rolled my hair into the towel and stood up. Turning to the steamed up mirror, I rubbed it clean with my hand, my face appearing in the reflection, makeup from last night making dark smudges under my eyes. I sighed and wrapped my arms around my stomach, holding myself together. Again. I was sick of it. I was sick of being the only one who held me, the only one who caught me when I fell, the only one who was there to tell me it was alright. How I longed to fall and be caught in somebody elses love, in somebody elses adoring gaze, in somebody elses strong arms. I groaned silently at the emptiness that threatened to overwhelm me again. Not again Rhea, don't mess this up. Not again. Mentally shaking myself and shoving the abbis away, I swiped my new underwear off the chair, pulling them on in numb silence. I had chosen my sky blue lacy's for today, the colour brightened my mood gently. After I had finished, I rummaged in my overflowing wash bag and pulled out my moisturiser, deodorant and mascara, it was all I needed today. I washed my face of the left over smudges and applied the moisturiser and the other stuff. When I was done I pulled on my other clothes. I had chosen some woolen purple tights, black knee socks and some mini shorts. On my top half I had chosen a fitted black vest with two little buttons holding it together in the cleavage, it would do for now, I would grab one of my jumpers when we went out. After I had put on all my clothes, I shook my hair out and let it hang free, and then applied a few strokes of mascara.

Satisfied with the natural looking result, I picked up my stuff, opened the door and walked back to my room, my hair dripped down my back. I didn't mind. Hearing the shower still going, I went into my empty room and dropped all my stuff, except my towel, on the newly made bed. I smiled, Alex seemed to have a domestic streak in him after all. Still holding my towel, I closed the door gently behind me, and walked onto the landing, putting the towel to dry on the railings. I then skipped down stairs. My dark mood had past like a grey rain cloud and now I felt lighter, like the sun shining through the window in my front door. When I got to the kitchen, I got the wash basket and pulled my washing out that I had washed yesterday morning, from the machine. I started to hang it out on the dryer in the back room, just outside of the of the kitchen, and then started to sing.

_"...but darlin' you are the only exception, you are the only exception, you are the only exception, you are the only exception.."_

I trailed off into humming the tune as I put the last piece of clothing on the wooden hanger.

"You have a lovely voice." He said from behind me.

I looked over my shoulder to where he stood, leaning up against the wall, hands in his pockets, my black and white Strokes t-shirt on his body. His wet hair hung roughly down into his lashes, dark eyes stared at me from underneath the wet black strands.

I turned round fully, going to him and taking his hands in mine. I brought them up to my mouth,

"As do you." I said quietly, my lips brushing against his fingers.

I let his hands fall back down to his sides and walked back into the kitchen, with the wash basket. Putting the basket back where it belonged, I learnt up against the counter. I glanced over my shoulder at Alex who had sat on the side of the counter at my side.

"What do you want for my birthday?"

"Surprise me."

"I'm not very good at surprises."

"Rhea, you surprise me all the time."

I looked at him straight in the eye, "That's different and you know it."

He shrugged, "Not really. I'm sure you will work somethin' out."

I raised my eyebrows, "Oh I will, will I?"

He smiled a cocky smile at me, "Yeah."

I grinned at him, "Yeah, you're right, I will work something out."

I clapped my hands together and put them on my hips, "Right then! What do you want to eat?"

"Well what is there?"

"Hardly anything." I pursed my lips in annoyance, I normally had plenty of food. I walked over to the bread bin, lifting the lid of the metal tub, I peered in and picked up a bread bag that was at the bottom, I looked inside to find two slices, both crusts, moldering at the bottom. Ew. Next I looked in the fridge to find nothing edible, but half a tub of Nutella and some spaghetti from the other day.

I stood up and shut the door, turning to look at Al, who was suppressing a smile, his eyes wrinkling at the corners. I crossed my arms in imitation of him and leant back against the counter.

"So today for breakfast we have two apples, some old spaghetti, moldering bread and half a put of Nutella. What would you like?"

Alex could suppress his laughter no more. He leant down and put his hands on his knees, back shaking with laughs.

"When you quite finished." I said in a false irritated voice, I was nearly laughing too.

He looked back up, still grinning, I gave in and smiled back.

"I dunno know Rhea, I always thought you were one of those people, whose houses are stocked with food."

I huffed and turned back around to the fridge, getting the Nutella out of it, and then shutting it, "Well actually I usually do, in fact I am well known for it, but I have been busy….and distracted."

I walked back over to the table, getting a knife out of a draw as I did so. I sat down and started to slice to the two apples up. Alex came and sat next to me with a butter knife and a plate. Without asking me he picked up the pieces of apple and started to spread the Nutella on them in thick swipes, then placing them on the plate. I smiled at him.

"It seems you can read my mind," I said, cutting up the last half of an apple.

He shrugged, "Well they do say that great minds think alike."

I nodded, putting the knife aside, "Indeed they do."

"Oh shit!" I put my hands to my face, "Our tea!"

A surprised expression made its way onto Alex's face, "Oh yeah…"

I jumped up and jogged towards the door of the kitchen, "Wait, wait, I'll go and get them now."

When I arrived at my room, I carefully picked up the still gently steaming tea, thank god, and was just about to go back downstairs, when my phone began to ring. Putting down my mug I picked up my phone and disconnected it from it's charger.** 'Jade'** flashed across the screen, accompanied by a very flattering picture of Jade, her two middle fingers held up in a V across her face. I swiped across the screen to answer the call.

_"Rhea? Rhea?"_

I picked up my mug, wedging the phone between my shoulder and ear, and turned to go back downstairs, "Yeah?"

_"Rhea have you seen? Have you seen the photo's? They are so lovely, especially the one of you two laughing."_

I frowned as I got to the top of the stairs, I started to descend, careful not to spill the drinks, "What do you mean? What pictures?"

_"Are you serious? You haven't seen them? They're like, everywhere"_

I got to the bottom of the stairs, wobbled a bit on the last step and tea slopped over the top, landing on the hall carpet. Shit, "Haven't seen what Jade? I don't understand."

I heard her sigh down the line, _"Ok, so this morning I went online to have a sift through Tumblr, as I had a spare few minutes, and there I was having a jolly time watching a gif of a mouse on a tightrope, when what should appear, but your face. Accompanied by a very good looking man. Oh wait. It was Alex. Basically the whole 'fandom' is freaking out cos there are like 3 pictures of you like three different places."_

I stopped her there, "Whoa, whoa, stop there Jade, stop a minute. There is more photos than the one photo of us in the club?"

_"Yeah."_

I had made it into the kitchen where Alex was typing on his phone, a worried expression on his face. He looked up, questions in his eyes. I waved them away before he could ask.

"What photo's, where?"

_"Urm well, I am looking at them now, there is one of you guys at a table or something, looks like you were having a hot drink and then there is this really quite lovely one of you too hugging, looking up at the sky. It really is a cute photo. And then there is also one of you guys in the club from last night, like just laughing together, its so sweet, it's almost giving me toothache"_

I sat down on the armchair with a thump in shock. Ok, so I had expected the photo of us at the club to make it online, expecting it to pass as a photo of Alex with another fan. But the other photo's? What the hell? Was I so wrapped up in him that I didn't even notice someone take a frickin' picture of us?

_"Rhea? You still there hun?"_

"Yeah…" I said quietly, sinking back into the armchair, vaguely aware of Alex looking at me worriedly.

_"Rhea, I just wanna say that I know you are going to have a look at these pictures, but urm before you do, I just want to warn you, that, urm, some of the comments aren't exactly, er, supportive."_

"I wouldn't expect anything less" I had seen what disgusting judgmental comments people put on the internet.

I rubbed my hand across my face, having put the mugs of tea on the counter next to Alex. To be honest I hadn't expected us to be secret for that long, as god knows the paparazzi follow him around like a disease, but a part of me had hoped. A part of me had hoped that we would have time to ourselves to workout what we are, before other people started telling us what we were. I sighed and looked across at Alex, my phone tucked between my shoulder and ear. He raised his eyebrows at me.

_"Is Alex with you by any chance?"_

"Yeah…Why?"

_"Can I just talk to him for a minute?"_

I frowned in confusion, what the hell did Jade want with Alex? "Er, yeah sure, hang on a sec."

I leant across to Alex, passing my phone to him, he took it, no questions asked.

I shrugged at him, "My friend wants to talk to you, her name is Jade."

He pressed my Samsung to his ear, "Urm, hey, Jade."

I got back up and picked up my cup of tea, I went to the french doors, opening them and stepping outside into the cold sun. From Jade's serious voice I had guessed she wanted to have a private word with Alex. I wrapped my hands around my blue mug, trying to suck as much warmth out of it as I could. I stayed there for a few minutes sipping my tea, and trying not to think about what was happening all around me. I was quite good at it by now. A hand slipped onto my bare shoulder, goosebumps dotted my skin. Alex hung his arms over my shoulders, resting his head on my my left one.

"You ok?"

"Yeah." I sighed, "I just wish it could have waited."

"I know. Matt texted me about them. At least they are good pictures" After a second he added, "Wanna eat our chocolate apples now?"

"Sure." I would look at the pictures later. I pulled away from him and turned round to go back into the kitchen, not quite managing to meet his gaze.

After that we sat and ate our apples and Nutella for a while, occasionally sipping our tea, lost in our own thoughts.

After we had finished and I had drained the last of my tea, I stood up and headed over to the sink with our dirty dishes and knives. Alex followed suit with our cups.

I started the tap, and rinsed our plate, "So here's the deal, I have an appointment today with my Osteopath as my back has been playing up again. Also, I need to get my shopping done, clean up and do some studying. What do you want to do?"

"Well, I have nothing planned until Monday mornin', when we're catchin' the flight."

I looked up at him, hope filled me up to the brim, "You can stay here another night of you want. It would be nice to have company."

"Well if you insist."

I gave him shove with my shoulder. He pushed me back, I giggled and he laughed. Maybe it was gonna be alright after all.

_I don't know what it is that they want_  
_But I haven't got it to give_  
_She hasn't got it to give_

**So yeah I know it's rather short, but I just wanted to get this chapter done and out of the way for various reasons. Also with this one I really felt like you guys should know more about Rhea, hence quite a bit about her. Anyway hoped you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it, lemme know what you think! Sav x**

**P.s. I want to say THANK YOU for your truly wonderful reviews they mean so much you can't even imagine. They turned such a shit day into a good one the other day xx**


	8. Wounds So Deep, Their Still Bleeding

**-Wounds So Deep, Their Still Bleeding-**

_My heart was breaking and got left unlocked,_

_Didn't see you sneak in but I'm glad you stopped_

_"Ow, fook, what the bloody hell is that."_

I ran from my room and leant over the railing, "_Al, you ok?_" I shouted down to where the cry of pain had come from.

"_Yeah, jus' a fookin' dog toy. I stood on it, it's bloody spiky._"

I snorted, and tried not to laugh.

Alex came into the hall and looked up at me where I was hanging over the rails, "Y'know, I can hear you laughin'"

I bit my lip to stop more laughter from spilling over them, "Sorry, I thought you had really hurt yourself."

He scowled up at me, "I did really hurt m'self. Have you seen that thing?"

"Aw, diddums, did your little footsie get hurt? Does it need a kiss better?"

He crossed his arms, still looking up at me, "Well you kissin' my feet would be sight to see."

I got back up, and turned to go back into my room, "In your dreams mate, in your dreams."

His laugh floated up to me from the hallway, making a smile pull at my lips. I got back to my room and proceeded to do what I was doing before Alex's interruption. Sitting back down at my dressing table, I continued with putting a couple of slides into my hair. I couldn't be arsed to brush it today and it was in a wild mood, so what better than to slide my bangs out of my face with a couple pins. Satisfied with the end result, I got up and picked up my blue holey jumper from my bed, slipping it over my head, careful not to catch it on the slides. Next I grabbed my leather jacket off my bed and slid it on, going over to my wardrobe door I unhooked a dark purple scarf from a silver hook and wound it round my neck.

"You ready?" I shouted as I made my way down stairs. When I got to the bottom, I took my bag off the hall chair and leaned down to check inside for all my stuff. We were making our way out for the day, and knowing me I was going to forget something.

"Yep" Came a muffled voice from above me. I looked up to see Alex munching on a banana. I stood up and put my hands on my hips, "Where did you get that from?"

He swallowed, and pointed to the kitchen with his shoulder, "From the fruit bowl."

I frowned, what the hell? I had so not seen it at all. Magic. "Well give us some." I said, and leant forwards taking a bite off the banana. I shrugged at Alex, "Sharing is caring right?"

He scowled playfully at me, "I s'pose so."

I turned back around to the seat and pulled my Doc Martens on, 'robboning' them up as quickly as I could, I had a appointment to get to. While I was doing my left boot, I said, "So what are your plans while I'm having my appointment?"

He leant up against the bannister, watching as I did up the last laces, "Well, I thought I might jus' nip back to mine and grab a change of clothes. How long is the appointment?"

I stood up and went over to the alarm, putting in the code to say that we were leaving, Sally did like her security. "Urm, well it kinda depends how bad my back is really, it could be anything from an hour, to thirty minutes."

Unlocking the door, I pulled it open to a gush of London smells. Lovely.

I felt Alex's hand on the small of my back, guiding me out of the door gently, "Well how about we swop numbers and you can text me when you're done, then we can go an' get your shoppin' done?"

"Yeah, that sounds good." I pulled the door shut behind me, locking the two locks swiftly. Alex dropped his arm over my shoulders as I walked and got my phone out of my bag. Going onto contacts, I looked up at Alex expectantly, "And your number is…?"

He rattled off the digits with such precise certainty that I guessed he was one of those people that knew their card number off by heart. I typed in his number, now what to call him? Smirking quietly I typed in 3 words; **Alex Band Guy**. There, perfect. Next I hit call and a vibrating sound came from Alex's pocket. He took it out, and swiped answer.

He put it to his ear, "Hello?"

I put mine to my ear to, the static from the phones being so close together cut through my eardrum, "Idiot, I'm just giving you my number"

Taking my phone away from my ear, before I had permanent damage, I ended to the call.

He gave me a funny look, slipping his phone back into his pocket. We walked for a while in silence, the only interruption was Alex throwing the banana skin into a bush, I decided not to say anything about it, they did rot after all.

"Why do you have a dog toy on your kitchen floor?"

I rolled my eyes in his direction, "Because I have a dog."

"Since when do you have a dog?"

"I don't, well, it's not mine persay, it's Sally's."

"I haven't seen it anywhere."

"She's staying at one of Sally's friend's houses as I don't have the time to look after her."

A leaf swirled down in front of us, quickly I reached out my hand and caught it from the air, careful not to crush it. I showed it to Alex, "Make a wish."

We slowed down our pace and he closed his eyes, a slight dent appeared between his eyebrows. My eyes moved across his face and picked up a tiny scar, just under his right eyebrow. Unbidden, my hand came up and I gently touched it, holding my breath. His eyes opened slowly, as if coming out of a dream, we had stopped completely now. My fingers fell away from his eye and skimmed down onto his cheek. My fingertips tingled, I gulped and looked away, away from Alex's eyes. Tugging on his hand, I let the leaf fall, twirling softly, onto the pavement. Our feet started to move again and the world seemed to come back to life, as if time had stopped just for Alex's wish.

"What did you wish for?"

"I'm not goin' to tell you."

"Good, or else it won't come true."

"I'm not sure it will come true even if I don't tell you." He said, his voice sounding hollow.

My stomach squirmed, and my hand tightened around his.

We made it to Camden in record time, and came out of the tube station into blinding sunshine that did nothing to heat up the day. We stopped on the top of the stairs, moving aside to let others pass.

"So text me when you're done yeah?" Alex said.

"Yeah sure thing, and then later we can go and get some food, I know this really lovely cafe just up the street there." I pointed in the general direction of the said place. "It's pretty cheap as well, but really nice food."

"A'right, Love, I'll see you later."

Before I could stop myself I wrapped my arms around his neck and gave him a small squeeze, which he returned, face in my neck. I let go and turned towards my destination, casting a last smile over my shoulder at where Alex stood, just watching. He gave a wink and twisted to the road to hail a cab. I smiled and shook my head, he had a thing for cabs, if it wasn't for me we would have got a cab this morning.

I got to my Osteopaths place with two minutes to spare, waving slightly at the secretary, I bounded up the stairs to his room. I gave the white door a push, it had Roger Atkinson across it in a simple font. I had been seeing Roger ever since I was 14, and he knew more about me than I cared to admit. Not only did he take care of my body, but also my emotional being. He was always there to talk to if I needed, and I suppose thats why I never got a councillor, I didn't need one, I had Roger.

As I made my way into the room, Roger turned from where he was bending over his desk, scribbling on a piece of paper. He looked up and smiled, his deep set laughter lines creasing up.

"Ah, Rhea, on time for a change are we?"

I dumped my bag on the floor next to the small bed to which I was to lie on, "What can I say, I had good morning."

He nodded, smiling at me, "I thought so, your glowing Rhea."

I shrugged, and sat on the bed, laying back, I gazed up at the plain white ceiling.

"Hmm." He came over to me, looking down at my face, "So how has your back been?"

The treatment went well, Roger reminding me again to remember to do my stretches, and listening to me as I rambled on about what I had been upto. I didn't say anything about Alex though. Alex was my secret for a while, and I felt like I wanted to have him to myself for as long as I could, before I would have to start answering questions. The appointment had been quicker than I had thought and I was done in just over half an hour, I had said to Alex on the tube to give it an hour. I waved again at the secretary as I made my way out of the door, she gave me a funny look as I walked out, glancing at her phone then back at me. Huh? I shoved it from my mind and decided to pay a visit to my favorite shop in Camden. It was filled with all sorts of things, some obscenely expensive, and yet you could normally get it down to a reasonable price if you knew what to say. I walked that way, a skip in my step, my body relaxed and free. As it was at least a good 10 minute walk, I pulled out my phone and ear buds, putting them in my ears and putting my phone on shuffle. And what should come on my, but Choo Choo, Arctic Monkeys, well I never. It was one of my favorite songs, so simple, yet so full of life. I walked along to the beat, watching as the people moved around me, so close yet so far away, in their own worlds. I loved London, I really did, there were so many different characters, different styles. Saying that, London had lost a lot of charm for me a while back, however sometimes a small thing would bring back its sparkle.

I made it to the shop in perfect timing as All of My Loving finished. I pulled my ear buds out of my ear, shoving them in my bag with one hand as I pushed open the door with the other. A bell tinkled as I walked into the shadowed shop. It was like tardis, from the outside it looked like a small thing, but as soon as you went in the walls went up and the room stretched out before you, filled with many wonders of forgotten stuff. There were a few other people milling around in the far corner. Now to actually do what I had came to do, look for Al's present. I had seen it the other day when I was here, and now I had come to claim it. I walked over towards the right corner of the shop, past a antique wardrobe, a pile of fur coats of all sorts of shades and mutable lamps. Next to a rather ornate white and gold lamp, there was a table overflowing with bits and bobs, necklaces, rings, earrings, glasses and there, under a silk shawl, hid a notebook. I walked over, and gently removed the shawl, laying it to the side over a fake diamond necklace. Picking it up, I blew the dust motes that had landed on it off the cover, they danced in the air. It was a simple thing, pure leather, with a single string which wound around it to keep it all together. It was about 6 inches tall and 4 across, not too big, not too small. Next to it in a open box was a pen. A very special and beautiful pen in my opinion. It was made from a dark wood, small, and with a small gold band around where the lid of it met the rest of the pen. The colour of it reminded me of Alex's eyes. I picked up both of them and made my way to the counter where a young woman sat, flicking through her phone. She looked up as I approached and gave me a once over, before putting down her phone and turning fully towards me.

I smiled at her, putting what I had chosen on the old marked desk that served as a counter, "I'll have these please."

She picked them up and gazed at them, "Hmm, real leather, nothing inside it, marked a bit on the corner, but not too bad." She put it back down and picked up the pen, giving it a quick look and then replacing it in its case. "That'll be £23.50p please."

I sighed in relief and surprise at the price. I had expected it to be a lot more. I pulled out a £20 note and some coins, placing them in the woman's hand's.

She dropped them into the open cash register and looked back up at me, "Would you like them wrapped?"

"Yes please." It saved me from doing much, I knew for a fact that this place wrapped the stuff in lovely rich black paper. After the woman was done I thanked her and placed his presents gently in my bag. I smiled with pleasure as I walked back out of the shop, I hoped he liked it. Last night, as we had laid in bed he had expressed his despair at not being able to find a suitable writing pad for himself. He had said that ever since his brown one with the fox on had been stolen he had never been able to find one that he really liked, hopefully this one would replace what had been taken. Ever since that first morning, after he had said how he wanted a new beginning, a new muse, I had been pondering over how I could help him with this. Now I had got him this pad I hoped that he would be able to see it as a new beginning, a fresh start. And as for the muse, well now he had me, he did say he was going to write a song about me after all. I smirked with delight as this rather selfish thought.

As I made my way down a street in the direction of the little cafe I had mentioned earlier, my phone went off. _Alex Band Guy:1 Message_ lit up the screen. I swiped across, still walking, keeping one eye on the pavement ahead of me and the other on my phone.

**Alex Band Guy** '_Are you done yet?'_

_'And hello to you too. Yes I am done, meet you back at the tube?'_

I carried on with my phone in my hand, only a few seconds later did I get a answer.

**Alex Band Guy** _'Sorry, lets try that again. Hi Rhea, cool, see you in a minute.'_

_'That's better :) See you in a min.'_

I put my phone back in my bag and kept going. My stomach rumbled, and I suddenly realised how hungry I was. I'm not one of those women who eat hardly anything, my body was used to big meals, with a healthy amount of snacks in between. With the amount of energy I burned up 5 days a week, having only a small breakfast was making my tummy have a emotional breakdown. I took my half a litre bottle of water out of my back, hoping to sate my belly's insistent shouting. As I neared the entrance to the train station I saw a small group of people gathered around something, or perhaps someone. I quickened my step, but slowed again, when I realised that a small group of four young women were gathered around Alex. One of them, a small blonde with red lipstick on, had her arm around Alex's waist, and was holding up her phone towards their faces. After she had finished she gave Alex a small sweet smile and then moved aside as a tall dark hair girl jumped forward and seemed to latch on to Alex with all the force of a leech. She gave him a smile, looking at him from under her lashes. Without seeming to ask she held up her phone and put her lips to Alex's cheek. In a way I could understand her urgency as Alex had changed and was looking particularly gorgeous in a big black over coat, his hair ungelled but obviously brushed and some blue, loosely fitted jeans.

I was now almost at the group, one of the four girls glanced at me and then did a double take. She nudged her friend next to her, who looked up, her eye's widening. I gave them a smile and a little wave.

"Hi." I said quietly, I wasn't really sure what to do. I noticed now the looks the group of us were getting from passers by, some had even stopped and were taking pictures. Great. The girl said hi back, then looked back at Alex. Lovely.

Alex looked up at this point, a look of frustration in his eyes. When he saw me relief flashed across his face and then was gone as quickly as it had appeared. He prised the brown haired girl off him, who seemed bent on getting as much pictures as was humanly possible. Making a decision I pushed past the two girl in front of me with a 'Excuse me' and made my way to Alex's side. As soon as I was near enough, he slipped his arm around my waist, giving my hip a small squeeze.

"It was great to meet you girls, but I gotta go now." He turned to go, but stopped when one of the girls, a young looking teenager, made a protesting noise.

"Please Alex, can I just have your autograph?" Her eyes were huge as she looked at him, a pen and paper clutched in her hands. His shoulders slumped in resignation, and he let go of me, reaching out his hands for the pen and paper. As quick as he could he scribbled his signature on the paper and then handed it back, giving the shaking girl a warm smile.

Her face went bright red, "Thank you, I really love your band."

Alex chuckled, "As do I."

Through the whole exchange I could feel the other girls eye's on me, and out of the corner of my eye, I could see the brown haired girl had her phone out, pointing straight at me where I stood at Alex's side.

Alex's arm slid back around my waist, pulling me gently in the direction of the cafe I had pointed out earlier. He waved at them, I also put my hand up in what I hoped was a wave, but I wasn't very sure, my mind was whirling. Our feet quickened as we made our way up the road to the corner to the street that the cafe was on.

"Well then, that was interesting." I said, after the silence had gone on too long.

"Sorry about that Love." He said, his voice soft and far away.

I looked up at him, and then put my head on his shoulder, holding him closer, "Don't apologize, it comes with the territory after all." As an after thought I added, "I'm sure I'll get used to it."

He looked down at me out of the corner of his eye, "Plannin' on stickin' around then are you?"

I nodded, "Yeah, if that's alright."

"That's very alright, Darlin'"

My phone dinged, I reached for it in my bag.

Jade: 'more of them coming up, look recent, you out in Camden by any chance?'

My mouth dropped open. Jesus fucking christ, that happened fast. We had barely been gone a minute and already the pictures were up.

I texted back, 'Fucking hell, they travel fast, that was like 2 minute ago!'

"Who is it?"

Still looking down at my phone, I tapped on Instagram, typing in #alexturner, "It was Jade. The pictures are already up." He didn't answer.

I gasped as the results to my search came up, among-st the old pictures of Alex and the rest of the band, pictures of us only to minute ago, appeared. I tapped on one, the heading read, 'NEW PICTURES OF ALEX. WHO THE HELL IS THIS GIRL?!'. The picture wasn't very good quality, but it was good enough to show me frowning looking to the right, while Alex gazed down at me. Jade: 1 Message flashed on the top of my screen.

Jade 'well what did you expect, your hanging out with elite now Rhea x'

The elite indeed. 'I don't know what I expected, just not this x' I typed back.

I dropped my phone back in my pocket as we had come to the cafe door. Alex pulled away from me, pushing the door open, and then stepping aside to let me in. I gave him a small smile of gratitude.

It was small old fashioned Italian cafe sort of place, long and narrow it stretched downwards like a long hall, tables lined the wall, a fair few people accompanied them, but didn't look up as we came in. Thank god. About halfway down the room there was a small staircase upwards to a small balcony type place with a few more tables placed around the floor. I indicated that we should go up there, and stepped towards the stairs leading up. When we had walked up, I made my way to a small table for two near a little window that looked out over the street below us. Alex smiled at my choice of seating. We sat, and I dropped my bag gently at my feet, before putting both elbows on the table, leaning my chin in my hands.

"They have the most amazing pizza's here. They are the perfect size as well, and...", I widened my eyes, "...they have the best salads, none of that floppy leafy crap you get in most places these days."

He smirked at me, "I see you get excited by food."

I put on my most serious face and sat up straight, "Alex, apart from performing, food is the only thing that sustains my body, mind and soul."

His face cracked into a adorable smile, his dark eyes lighting up. I smiled back, and looked away, slightly embarrassed under his gaze.

"Hi guys, what can I get you?" I looked up to see my favorite waiter, standing over us, giving me a warm smile. James was a tall bloke with a shock of bleached blonde hair that was cut roughly just above his ears, in his nose was two small black nose studs on either side, mascara blackened his eyelashes. James was gay, and a extremely proud one at that, I loved him, a lot.

I jumped up and wrapped my arms around his thin waist, giving him a hard squeeze which he returned with equal strength. I stood back and gazed up at him, a big smile stretching my cheeks, "Jesus J, where the hell have you been?"

He waved his arms around in the general direction of everywhere, "Oh you know, around, seeing people, living." He looked down and blushed, "Spending time with my new boyfriend."

I brought my hands to my cheeks, my eyes wide, "Oh my god. Please tell me it's Louis, please say you guys finally stopped pretending not to notice each other."

He nodded shyly, playing with the pen and notepad he held in his dainty hands. I smiled gently at him, and gave him another hug. Putting my hands on my hips triumphantly, I said, "I really shouldn't say this but, I told you so."

He looked at me fondly and bit his lip, "Yes Rhea, you did and I should have listened to you."

I pretended to dust myself off, smiling in satisfaction, "Well what can I say, I'm pretty good at matching people together."

He raised his eyebrows at me, imitating my earlier pose, hands on hips, "And what about you missy? Don't think I haven't noticed the rather gorgeous man behind you."

I whirled back around to Alex, "Oh sorry hun, Alex this is J, we met the first day I moved up here."

J put his arms on my shoulder giving me an endearing smile, "I practically raised her. Poor thing. Didn't know how to function in big ol London town, did you sweetheart?"

I shook my head sarcastically, if that's even possible, "Nope not at all. I was totally in need of his 'expertise', living in Bristol for over 2 years hadn't prepared me at all."

I rolled my eyes at him and sat back down, "Anyway, are you gonna do your job who what? I'm bloody starving."

"Yes I am. I was just being sociable, not that you would know anything about being sociable." He cocked his head to the side, giving me and inquiring look. My smile faltered, but I managed to keep it on my face. I gave my head the tiniest shake, not now, not here, not with Alex present.

Understanding my message, he turned to Alex, a charming smile lighting up his pale face, "So what will it be Alex of the Arctic Monkeys" He gave him a wink, "Don't think I didn't recognise you."

Alex smirked and held out his hand, which J took eagerly, "Nice to meet you J."

J let go of his hand, "Nice to meet you too man."

I watched them happily, they seemed to be getting on great. You could say I have quite a crazy bunch of friends, I didn't stick with a particular style if you know what I mean.

I poked J in the side, my stomach now seemed to be having a seizure I was so hungry, "Oi, I'll have my usual please."

"Alright, alright." He noted it down on his pad, "You not eaten or something"

I groaned, "Oh J, you have no idea what I have been through this morning. All I've had is an apple, an apple J."

"Actually that's not true, you've ha-" Alex voice cut in, laughter en-laced with his rich voice.

I interrupted him, my finger pointed in his direction, keeping my eyes on J, "Shut up you, I'm trying my best to get us more food here."

J's face turned serious, although there was a playful gleam in his eye, "Well then, this is a serious matter, I will tell the cooks to make haste, as my lady here might just expire."

I put my hands together in a praying motion, "Thank you good sir, your services will be rewarded with riches beyond belief. I swear it upon this knife right here on this table." I indicated the small butter knife on my left.

J shook his head, "Always the drama queen."

I sat up straight, outraged, "Urm, look who's talking."

J shook his head at me again, and then turned to a grinning Alex, "And for the third time, what can I get you?"

Alex nodded his head in my direction, "I'll 'ave what she's havin', whatever that may be."

I raised my eyebrows at him, "Well you better have a sweet spot for some spice, my friend."

"I think I can deal with it." He answered, giving me a challenging look.

I shrugged, "We'll see."

"Alrighty then, I'll be off and leave you two to your own devices."

I did a 'shooing' motion in J's direction, "Be gone slave."

With a 'huph' J whirled around and made his way back downstairs to the kitchens.

I glanced at Alex, who was leaning back in his chair arms crossed, gazing at me.

I shrugged, slipping off my jacket and scarf, "What can I say? We have a peculiar relationship."

"Yeah I thought I picked that up." He said, pulling off his over coat, to reveal a blue V necked sweater.

I gave an approving nod, "Very nice."

He stroked across his chest, "Why thank you, I have had this for a while and it has never let me down." He lifted up the hem at the bottom to expose my Strokes t-shirt underneath.

I smirked at me, "Couldn't part with it I see?"

"Well it was warm wasn't it? And it wasn't exactly warm in my hotel room when I changed, Matt had left the window for some fookin' reason."

I chuckled and poured myself a glass of water from the jug that was situated in the centre of the table, I offered some to Alex and he passed his glass to me to fill. I did so carefully, twisting the neck of the jug, so that the water didn't drip onto the table.

Just as I place the jug back, my phone began to ring. I delved into the depths of my bag, aka the sack, and pulled it out to see '**Clare**' emblazoned across the screen. I gave an apologetic look at Alex and swiped across to answer, putting the phone to my ear.

"Hello?"

_"Hey Rhea, can you please help me?"_

"Urm, yeah, maybe, I'm not sure, what's the problem?"

_"Bobbie is being a right little miss and is having a tantrum. She was refusing to get into her car seat, the only way I managed to get her in was to say that I would phone you up and she could talk to you."_

Bobbie was my 6 year old step-sister, and you could say that she had quit a temper on her. My poor step-mum, Clare, was at a loss at what to do a lot of the time. Bobbie absolutely adored me, probably because I spoiled her rotten whenever I saw her, which wasn't often. It saddened me that I wasn't there to see my younger siblings grow up, I also had a baby brother, Zeb, who was on the verge of turning 4, and I tried to talk to them as much as I could.

"Yeah, sure put her on, I actually have company at the moment, and we are waiting for our food, but I have a little while to talk to her."

_"Oh are you with Jade?"_

I smiled at Alex who was watching my every move, "No, I'm here with somebody I met a couple weeks ago, he's called Alex and he's lovely."

Alex gave me a quizzical look. I waved my hand at him.

_"Oh really? Anything you need to tell me Rhea?"_

"Nope, nothing of yet, it's compli-" I was interrupted by a shout from Clare's end of the line.

_"Mum! I want to talk to her now!"_ There was a scrabbling noise, and then Bobbie's high pitched voice came through the speaker, "Rhea? Guess what happened in town today."

"Hang on a sec Bobs, let me just do something." As it was only Alex and I up here, I pressed the button for loudspeaker and put my phone down onto the tabletop,"Sorry, it's my lil sis, she wants to tell me about what happened in town today."

Alex nodded, "How many siblings do you have exactly?"

Smiled and felt smug, "Seven…"

Alex shook his head at me and was just about to say something when Bobbie interrupted again, _"Who are you talking to?"_

"Just a friend of mine, called Alex."

_"Hello Alex, how are you?"_

I bit my lip to stop myself from laughing at loud, Bobbie would not appreciate that at all.

"I'm alrigh', thank you Bobbie." He said, leaning over onto the table, "How you doin'?"

_"I'm really happy cause today I got to hold a puppy from this man in town and it was really small and had nearly no hair and he licked my hand."_

She finished in a rush and took big breath before continuing to describe every tiny detail about the puppy and how Mummy had let her go on a ride after. Mostly we just listened and exchanged glances and smiles, occasionally falling in to fits of silent laughter at something Bobbie had said. It is truly extraordinary how a different a 6 year olds version of the world can be. After just over ten minutes had passed, Clare asked Bobbie to bid us goodbye, which she did with much complaining. When Clare had hung up, I breathed out a sad sigh. I really did miss her very much, she was my only sister who was actually related to me through blood, and although I didn't love Fey or Dana any less, Bobbie still had a special place in my heart.

I looked up at Alex who was sitting back playing with his fork with one of his hands, the other lay relaxed on the side of the table.

"So yeah, that was my baby sister, she likes to talk a lot."

He smiled a bit, still concentrating on the fork, "I could see, or rather hear that." His voice was quiet and soft.

I frowned at him, taking the hand that was playing with the fork in mine,"Hey, whats up hun?"

He looked up and leant forwards, putting his other hand around mine, "I'm alrigh' love."

I raised a skeptical brow.

"Really love it's fine." He looked down at our clasped hands, "You're very lucky to have such a big loving family you know."

I smiled at him, giving he hands a squeeze with mine, "And you have many people who love you too, don't feel down."

"I don't feel down, I'm here with you."

I looked down and blushed, "Thanks."

"Alright you two, break it up, these are heavy you know."

We lurched apart as J's voice brought us out of our bubble. J's arms were covered in plates, two perfect sized pizza's and two bowls of salad balanced precariously on his lengthy arms.

We sat back, making space, so J could place our food in front of us, the smell made me nearly faint with hunger. As soon as he had placed mine in front of me I went to grab a piece of the already sliced pizza, but J's hand came out of nowhere, catching mine and holding me from my food. I glared up at him, "What?"

He raised his eyebrows at me, "I do believe you have forgotten your manners. A thank you J, would be nice."

I rolled my eyes, pulling my hand out of his grasp, "Fine, thanks J for bringing us our food, now may I eat?"

"Yes."

I needed no further encouragement and fell on the piece of pizza with all the force of a lion. The pizza was my favorite, smothered in all sorts of veg, chilli chicken pieces and goats cheese. I moaned in pleasure. This was possibly the best pizza I had ever had in my entire life.

"I'll leave you to it." I barely glanced at J as he departed, too preoccupied with taking another bite of heaven.

I took a second to glance up at Alex, who was devouring his pizza with the same amount of ferocity as me.

For what felt like a age we ate our food, barely looking up. Eventually, when I had inhaled about three quarters of my pizza. I picked up my glass and brought it to my lips, taking a long drink, refreshing my taste buds. I closed my eyes while I drank, savoring the clear coolness that washed around my hot mouth. Like I had said, there was a fair bit of spice on these pizza's.

I opened them to see that Alex had also taken a break, he was picking at his luscious salad with a vacant expression, gazing into nothing. He absentmindedly brought a piece of lettuce up to his lips, chewing on it thoughtful.

I leant my elbow on the table, resting my chin on my hand and gazed at Alex. For a while he didn't seem to notice, and then, ever so slowly he looked up, his eyes meeting my eyes last.

"Hello there."

"Hey." I winked at him.

"Have I got something on my face?"

"Yes."

He lifted up his spoon, trying to see his face in its reflective service, "What is it?"

"Well in the middle of your face you have a nose, then just below there you have this thing called a mouth, and then, you're never gonna believe this, you have eyes. _Eyes Alex!_"

Alex put down the spoon, and gave me a look. I smirked.

"Very funny Rhea."

I laughed, "I know right."

I picked up my fork and started on my salad, piecing a cherry tomato with it. I popped it in my mouth, it burst, filling my mouth with flavour.

My phone dinged, I sighed. Seriously, couldn't people just leave me alone for a day?

**Rae** _'Hey love, can you come in at 4 tomorrow please? We have a new delivery of mat's and I need your muscles, unfortunately mine won't suffice x'_

I smiled despite myself. Rae was one of my most favorite people on this earth. She was my former aerial teacher, and had taught me until I had gone off to CircoMedia, and although she was 10 years older than me, I could say with confidence that she was probably one of my best friends. When I had moved to London she had offered me a part time job teaching aerial with her on a Sunday and Monday night. I had jumped at the chance as I would get to work side by side with one of my closest friends, and also the pay wasn't half bad.

_'Sure thing, see you at 4 x'_ I texted back, and then replaced the phone in my bag.

"Sorry about that, people seem to be in need of me a lot today. It was just my boss telling me about work tomorrow."

"Oh ok, you have a job?"

I frowned at him, stabbing at a piece of cucumber, "Yes, of course."

"What do you do?"

Munching on the cucumber, I said, "Well, I teach aerial, which includes, trapeze, aerial hoop, flying trapeze and so on, for a few hours every Sunday and Monday night."

Alex raised his eyebrows, "That's sound pretty awesome."

"I am actually quite good at what I do you know."

"I never thought weren't" He gave me a small smile.

I smiled back, eating another bit of salad, "This is nice, being here, with you"

"Yeah it is, thank you Rhea."

I gave him a puzzled look, "For what?"

"For taking me in, for letting me stay over, for making me laugh..."

I blushed, damn this man, "It's a pleasure, I assure you."

"Well I am quite charming I s'pose."

I shook my head at him, and then gave in, "Yes you are."

Having finished my salad, I started on the last couple pieces of the pizza, like I said, I liked my food, "So, hows about we rent a film tonight?"

"Sounds great."

"And I was thinking of making chicken korma, with rice and some steamed veg…?"

Alex nodded, his eyes gleaming, "Yeah, that sounds really good Rhea, thanks."

"No problem hun, I quite enjoy cooking, especially when it's for somebody else as well." It was true. I loved the satisfied feeling I got when I saw someone enjoying my food.

"You done with that?" Alex pointed at the one solitary piece of pizza on my plate.

I glanced at his own empty plate, and laughed, "Yeah," I pushed it towards him, "Here you have it, I'm stuffed."

He grabbed it off my plate and took a large bite, "I like that you eat a lot. Sometimes I look around an' all I see are women countin' calories an' saythin' they can't 'ave this, and they can't 'ave that. Seein' you eat so much, an' with so much relish, is a refreshin' sight."

"What can I say, I like food, and I don't exactly stuff myself with crap. Plus I do, do a lot of exercise, so that always helps."

Alex nodded in agreement, finishing the last of the pizza with one bite.

I got my phone out of my bag and checked the time,_ 3:46pm_. Right, it was about time that I got my shopping done and I still needed to finish off my essay, "You ready to go?"

"Yeah." Alex said and pushed back his chair, pulling off his over coat from off the back of the it where he had placed it earlier.

I also got up and pulled on my jacket, wrapping my scarf round my neck. Picking up my bag I checked that Alex was ready and started to walk down the stairs to the till.

As we made it to the till I noticed that we got quite a few stares, mostly directed at Alex. I decided that I wanted to get out of here as soon as possible, I wasn't sure I could handle any more fan business, I was still feeling quite overwhelmed by earlier on.

"That'll be £22 my darling." J said from behind the till. I reached into my bag and took out my purple and black purse, unzipping the top of it.

"Don't worry, I'll pay."

I shook my head at Alex, "Oh no you won't mister."

Seeing that I was completely set on paying, Alex seemed to give in, "Fine, but I'm paying for me'self"

"Fine."

J laughed at us, holding his hand out for the money which Alex and I handed over. He placed it in the till and printed off the recipe, handing to me.

"Urm, Rhea can I have a word with you?" J said, a serious expression coming ver his face. J very rarely was a serious guy. Something was up.

"Yeah sure hun."

J glanced at Alex. He seemed to get the message and gave me a reassuring smile, "I'll just go outside and have a fag. I'll wait for you."

I smiled at him gratefully and then turned to J as Alex headed towards the cafe door, a few tables followed his progress until he shut the door behind him.

J came round the counter and stood in front of me, hands on hips, "How are you doing Rhea. And I don't want any of this 'I'm fine' shite ok?"

I took his hand in mine, "Actually J, I'm better than I have been in a long...long time."

J noded thoughtfully, "Yes you seem better. I'm sorry I haven't been in touch that much recently, I just got so caught up in stuff with myself and Louis. I have been a bit of a shit friend, especially as you were, urm, well, unwell…"

I looked down at the floor, feeling old emotions of despair flicker in the darkness at the back of my mind. I rubbed my hand across my face, sighing, "No really J, I'm alright. I'm getting back on my feet. The feelings come back every now and again, but I can handle them now I have something...someone knew to accompany my thoughts."

J looked at me knowingly, "I can see that. Just be careful. He seems like a lovely guy, just you know, you don't have the best track record.I think Rhea, sometimes you just have to follow your own advice."

I laughed, although there was no humor in the situation. You could say I wasn't a very well person. To be honest I didn't really know what was wrong with me, and neither did the doctors. Sometimes I would just get ill. I would be exhausted, dizzy and, well, depressed. It could last days, weeks, even months in some dreadful cases. I was only just recovering from my last bout of it and it had been rather short, only spanning a couple weeks, but it had been very hard on me. Memories of bad, bad times would swirl around my head, blinding me to everything but them. Many a time Jade, J or Sally would find me curled up in a ball, unable to even speak. It seemed that a lot of men just weren't able to except this part of me. I had been told more than once that I was damaged goods, and I can assure you, it certainly doesn't do wonders for your self esteem. I would feel so shit about myself, that for a long time even the smallest compliment would have me falling into any man's lap. However saying all this, I was the best I had been for a long time, things seemed to be looking up.

I took in breath which shuddered into my lungs, and let go of J's hand, but not before giving it a reassuring squeeze, "I think this time it's going to be ok J, really, everythings different."

J gave me a skeptical look, "Rhea you said that about the last gu-"

I interrupted him, getting irritated now, "I know what I said J. You just need to trust me on this ok?"

He gave me a long hard look that made my insides squirm, but I kept his gaze, I had to make him believe that I was better.

He sighed, "Ok, just remember if it gets ruff, call me ok, don't go through the shit by yourself again. You have people that love and worry about you a lot Rhea."

I bit my lip, "I know."

A small charming smile lit J's face gently, "Anyway, you better be off, I'll see around soon, I'm sure." He went in for a hug, which I returned with full force.

I waved goodbye to him after kissing him on the cheek, and made my way outside to where Alex was drawing on the last of his fag. He turned towards me and offered his hand. I took it and led us towards the nearest Tesco's, like I said, I didn't have loads of money and Tesco's was a life saver.

"You alright love?" Alex asked, throwing the last of his cigarette in a bin.

I looked at him and gave him a big smile, "Yeah actually, I am really rather brilliant."

Ales leaned over and kissed the top of my head, his hand going on the side of my neck. My skin tingled where his skin touched mine, "Good, cause darlin, I know there is stuff you aren't tellin' me, but I'm gonna wait until you do."

I swallowed thickly, tears pricking the corners of my eyes, "Thank you Alex."

_Coax me out low,_

_Sink in to tomorrow,_

_Coax me out low and have a spin on my propeller_

**Hey my lovelies, so here it is, a new chapter! Yay! Please tell me what you think, I am just loving your reviews!**

**By the way I will be trying to follow AM'S original tour of 2012, but I may take some liberties with dates and stuff. **

**Also, I would just like to say to the reviewer who told me about their friends people assholes to her, well let me just say, friends are generally not assholes to you, if they do treat you like shit then there is something wrong with the friendship...maybe you need to have a long look at what your friendship is. Just a suggestion, your review it hit me hard. The fact that you would tell me something like that brought tears to my eyes, so thank you, if you, or anybody else, want to talk to me about stuff, just PM me, and I will be happy to talk, I've been told I'm a good listener.**

**Love you guys! Sav x**


	9. Writing My Heart Away

**-Writing My Heart Away-**

_It's these times that it tends,_

_The start to breaking up, to start to fall apart_

_Oh! Hold on to your heart_

I shivered as the fog soaked into my jacket. My feet moved quicker and I huddled down into myself, so that only my eyes could be seen between my hood and scarf.

"This is one thing I don't miss while travelin' around. The English weather is _fookin' appallin'_ sometimes." Alex growled from behind me, as we trudged along back to my house. "I told ya we should 'ave got a cab."

I pursed my lips. "Yes I_ know_ you said that, there is _no_ need to keep reminding me." My voice came out irritated and muffled by the cloth around my mouth,"You know I can't afford a cab and before you say you could have paid, I just want you to know, that just because you're some rich ass fucker, doesn't mean you can go around paying for everything. If you're going to complain anymore, will you just get your own _bloody cab_."

We had gone shopping and the weather had been lovely, lifting my spirits to the highest level of happiness to the point where I had almost been giddy. The shopping had been an adventure, Alex pushing me round in the trolley and persuading me to buy some ridiculous chocolates. When we had finally left Tesco's, my cheeks had been sore with laughter. However as we had made our way home on the tube, the sky had darkened and the chill had crept up on us. As the weather had changed, so had Alex's mood and by the time we got to the last station and got off, Alex's mood was foul and he barely talked to me, only snatching a bag of food off me and striding in the direction of home. I had nearly forgotten about getting the film from the small film rental store, but had remembered at the last moment. Trying to get Alex's preference on what film he wanted to watch was almost impossible, so I had just snatched up a film my dad had recommended, paid and then stormed out. And now, yet again Alex was moaning about wanting to get a cab. He was getting on my nerves and I was having second thoughts about letting him stay another night. Part of me never wanted him to go, but the more he moaned and complained, the more my mood darkened.

"I'm not going to apologize for havin' money Rhea."

I stayed looking at the wet pavement ahead of me, only a street left now and then warmth, "Don't worry Alex, I don't expect you too."

Alex speeded up so he was walking next to me and looked at me. I could feel his eyes on the side of my face, but kept looking straight ahead. "What the 'ell is the matter Rhea? One moment you're great, the next you're like this."

I stopped then and turned to him, poking him in the chest with my free hand, "What's the matter with _me_?" I almost shouted, "What about you then? All you've done since we finished shopping is moan and groan, or just be completely silent. Trying to get a word out of you, apart from about you wanting to get a fucking cab, is like trying to get blood out of a stone."

He took a step back as I jabbed him in the chest and looked surprised at my outburst. Good, I'd had just about enough of him.

I whirled round, and marched the last 10 metres to my house, pushing open the gate with so much force that the old rusted thing gave a loud shriek as it's old hinges struggled to work. Without looking back at Alex, I shoved my food bag into his hand, which he took without question, and unlocked the door with my almost numb fingers. Just as I pushed open the door, there was a loud crack from the sky and rain fell as if someone had just turned on a power shower up in heaven. I felt Alex against my back as he struggled to stay in the shelter of the porch as the rain lashed down around us. Walking in, I punched in the security code and took off my damp jacket, hanging it over the small radiator on the wall. Sitting on the hall chair I started to undo my boots, but kept messing it up as my hands were swelling up from the cold, like they always did.

"Here, let me love, my hands aren't so bad." Alex knelt down, having taken off his overcoat and hung it on the railing up the stairs.

I pushed his hands away, "No, I can do it thank you very much."

I didn't want his help, I didn't need him. He gave me a look. I sighed and leant back, pushing hair out of my face, "Fine, whatever."

While he undid the ribbons with quick swift movements of his fingers, I pulled the pins out of my hair, letting it fall back down around my face. The scent of roses clouded the air, I breathed in and closed my eyes, relaxing.

"Done." Alex got up and picked the two bags of shopping off the floor, making his way to the kitchen, turning on the kitchen light on the way. I turned my head and gazed after him, blinking slowly. With a small groan, I pushed myself up, my feet protesting as the weight of my body was once again put upon them. I swear a day out in town left me as tired, as if I had just finished a day at Circus Space. Walking towards the kitchen, I found Alex taking out the shopping from the bags and placing them neatly on the counters.

Without turning around he said, "D'you want the ketchup in the fridge or the cupboard?"

Without answering, I walked over him and wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my cheek against his back.

He stiffened and then relaxed, placing his hands on my clasped ones at his waist.

"Well in the normal world you would put ketchup in the cupboard, but I'm feeling a little otherworldly at the the moment so lets take a risk and put it in the fridge."

Alex's laughter vibrated through him and then in to my body. I joined him with a small laugh of my own, already feeling a little better. Alex turned and pulled me into his arms, I made myself smaller, bringing my arms between our chests.

Alex rested his chin on my head, I had to bend my back a bit to accommodate this position as we were around the same height, "I'm sorry, love, I'm not really sure what got into me…" He trailed off.

"It's alright. I think we're both just a bit...unsettled by events and maybe the future…"

"You could say that."

I smiled wryly and detached myself from his warm embrace,"Come on, lets put these away and then I need to go and finish writing up my essay. Then I'll start on the fo-"

"We'll start on the food." He said, interrupting me."

I smiled at him fondly, "Yes, then we'll start on the food, it shouldn't take too long. And then the film I suppose."

He shook his head at me, "You like things planned don't you."

I shrugged and turned, grabbing a pack of carrots and another one of potato's off the counter, "What can I say, Mam liked things planned, and it seems to have rubbed off on me."

Pulling open the fridge, I distributed the veg into their rightful places. I heard Alex move behind me, the ketchup coming into my line of sight. I took it, placed it in the door and sang quietly, "_...oh the boy's a slag, the best you ever had…_"

I felt a light tap on my head, "Shut up you, I'm not that bad." Alex said, a smile in his voice.

I stood back up, my ankle clicking. I gave him a wink and went to put the rest of the shopping away.

When we had finished I felt a little bit awkward, "Well then, now thats all done, I'm gonna leave you to do whatever, I should only be an hour or so." I said to Alex, leaning against the counter with my hip. "There are some books in the lounge and you're welcome to put the fire on to warm yourself up an-"

I stopped as Alex's hand clamped across my mouth, stopping me in mid sentence. He took it off slowly, looking in to my eyes, "Shh." He put his finger to his lips, "I can manage Rhea, just go and do what you need to do ok?"

Feeling slightly light headed I nodded and wandered out of the room. When I reached the hall, I snuck a quick glance behind me and snatched up my bag from where I had left it hanging on the hall chair. I then jogged upstairs, a skip in my step. When I got to my room, turning the side lamp on, I pulled out the two black paper packages, hoping they hadn't suffered any damage from the day out. Giving them a quick once over, I decided they look perfectly fine. Sitting back, I picked up the larger of the two packages and began to carefully pull the bits of sellotape off it.

When I was younger, I was given a notebook by my Godmother to use in whatever way I wanted. On the first page of the handmade book she had written a little message to me saying that she loved me, believed in me and that if I needed anyone, she was there. I have forgotten the exact words she said, but whenever I felt bad I would go back and read it. Somewhere along the lines I had lost it, probably as I was moving around so much, but I will never forget what comfort those words gave me. And that was my plan now. To write something in Alex's book. I wanted to write words that he could look back on, and receive strength, comfort, and maybe even love from. So here I was, painstakingly picking off the sellotape, just for a few words.

Finally, after muttering a few choice swear words, I managed to unpick all the tape and gently unwrap the thing. Careful not to the rip the paper, I pulled the notepad out and caressed the soft leather of it, feeling a sense of wonder at the sudden change of events in my life. Getting up off my bed where I had sat to unwrap the book, I walked over to my desk, putting it down and selecting my favorite black ink pen from my selection. I had a thing for nice pens. I loved the feel of writing with a super sharp pencil, a richly inked pen or some fabulously coloured one. Putting the tip of it to the soft unmarked paper of the pad, I took a breath and went to write. And then stopped. What the hell was I supposed to say? If I was honest with myself, I barely knew much about him. What was the point in this? He probably didn't even want a measly old pad and pen from some fucking charity shop. Sitting up straight, I made an effort to shove these thoughts away. Just stop Rhea. Just stop and breathe and think. I took a deep breathe and once again put pen to paper, slowly but surely writing my heart away.

When I was done, I carefully put the wrapping paper back on, my mind in a dreamy state, the dim lights in my room doing nothing to lighten my mind. I put the packages in the corner of my wardrobe, where they wouldn't get squashed or seen. Next I went and sat down at my desk/dressing table, and pulled out my laptop from in the draw that was under it. I opened it up, the light momentarily blinding me. Opening my essay file, I put my hands to the keys. Right Rhea, it's time to wake up now.

About 50 minutes later my brain had officially turned to mush, and I was pretty satisfied with the finished piece. As I shut my laptop back down, I looked to my left and saw my camera hanging off the hook inside my wardrobe that I had left open earlier. A mischievous smile crept onto my mouth and I stood up, my joints clicking, and unhooked the camera. Quietly , careful not to make the stairs squeak, I crept downstairs. When I got to the bottom I heard the crack and spit of a fire, and ever so slowly peaked my head around the lounge door that had been left open about a foot. And there he was. Sitting, legs crossed, head resting on his hand, reading some book. As he was sitting right next to the crackling fire, the glow from it cast different colours through his hair. I gradually lifted up the camera and turned it on, wincing when it made a small beep. Alex stayed completely still, totally absorbed in whatever he was reading. Making sure the flash was off, I brought my eye close to the old thing and took aim. I pushed down on the button and a quiet click emanated from the device. Still Alex made no show of hearing the noise. Taking this as a sign to continue, I took another photo. This one however, seemed to be louder than the other and Alex jerked his head up and looked in my direction. I guiltily pushed the door open more and stepped through the doorframe.

I held up the camera, "Sorry, I couldn't resist. You're beautiful photogenic."

He shook his head at me, smiling and then patted the sofa next to him. I walked over and sat down, still clutching the camera. He put the book down, flapping a corner over and draped his arm around my shoulders. I snuggled into his chest, and stared into the fire.

"What d'you plan on doin' with those pictures?" He said, his voice guarded. I could hear the unspoken question. Was I going to 'leak' these pictures?

I looked into the fire, my breathing slowing, "I'm going to print them out or perhaps put them on my phone, so that when I feel the need, I can look back and remember. Pictures are for memories, Alex, and thats all I plan to use them for."

Alex shifted his arms so that I was closer to him and my head was on his chest. With a sigh he rested his chin on the top of my head. I felt safe and warm, completely surrounded by him.

We just sat, and rested for a while until Alex broke the silence, "Did your essay go alright?"

I lifted my head, "Well my brain couldn't take another ounce of it, but yeah, I'm pretty pleased. I enjoy writing."

"Yeah, well you do strike me as someone who would like to write. You like words don't you."

It wasn't a question, more of a statement, but I answered him anyway, "Yes I do, a lot. There is something about writing that I can't quite explain." I chewed on my lip and then continued, "I suppose it's like through my hands I can live my dreams, my idea's and share them with people."

"Exactly."

With a sigh I moved away from him and went to stand, "Come on, we better start on the food. My week starts tomorrow and I don't wanna be going to bed too late." I reached out my hand and pulled him up when he took it. Holding hands by just out fingers, I pulled him into the hall, dropping off the camera on the way, and then walked to the kitchen.

"What time do you have to leave tomorrow?" I asked, letting go of him and getting the rice out of the cupboard.

Alex leant up against the counter and rubbed his chin, " Urm, well, we're not leavin' until early Monday mornin', but we gotta get stuff done before we leave, so I s'pose I should probably get a cab 'round 10:30 tomorrow mornin'."

I looked away at the rice packet, cutting it open with a pair of scissors from the draw.

"Oh ok." I took a pan out of the cupboard, filling it with water, "You're going to be gone for a long time aren't you..." I said quietly, my voice trailing off.

I felt his arms around my waist, "You could come and visit?" His breath tickled my neck, and I shivered, goosebumps dotted my skin.

"Alex, I can't go all the way to fucking _Australia_."

"Yeah I know that love, but we're going to be in Europe after. We'll be in france in February. And you'll get to meet Miles, I think you guys will get along really well."

I turned my head so that my cheek rested against his, "I suppose I could scrape enough together, I haven't been away for a long time. It would have to be on a weekend though…"

"It is. And darlin, will you just let me pay for you to come over? Please?"

I rolled my eye towards the ceiling, taking a deep breath, letting it out in a huff, I said, "Fine, but I must pay you back in some way or another…" I trailed off and scanned my mind for something I could do. I suppose I could maybe cook.

"Darlin' your company will be payment enough." He practically growled in my ear.

I pushed out of his arms, holding the pan of water in one hand, and brought it to the cooker, "Alex, just shut up. You know what I mean."

He laughed behind me as I poured the rice into the pan of water, "Yes I do. Don't worry we'll find something for you to do."

I turned around, facing him, "Good. Now here have this knife and help me cut up some veg will you."

He brought his hand to his head in a salute, "Yes, ma'am."

I walked over and whacked him on the shoulder, then handed him the knife that I had got out earlier, "Here, take this before I am forced to use it."

Alex frowned at me and took the knife out of my threatening hand. I turned and clapped my hands together,"Now, how about some music!"

Later on, after we had chopped, danced and cooked, we settled on the floor to wait.

"I am so hungry." Alex said from where he sat, leaning up against the cupboard, "It's like eating that pizza was just a dream, an' now I've woken up in the real world to find that I've actually slept through the whole day and not eaten at all."

"Stop being so dramatic. You're not going to die." I said, sitting across from him, leaning up against the opposite cupboard.

He raised his eyebrows at me, "And how do you know? We could actually be in a dream and our actual bodies are starving cause we haven't eaten for so long. So even in the dream we feel the hunger and yet no matter how much we eat, we will never sate our longing for food."

I blew a bit of my hair out of my eye, as it had come loose of my messy bun, "I suppose what you say could be true. We could in fact be in a dream right now. Meeting you could be a dream, our memories that we have made together may be in in fact all made up. Perhaps nothing is real…" Alex watched me with a avid fascination, "Perhaps I will wake up any moment now, alone, in a world that I no longer know how to live in as I have tasted the wonders of this world."

My eyes glazed over and my mind took a dream like state as if understanding my words. Dreams indeed. Dreams swirled around us, all day, all night. Our dreams were what made us get out of bed in the morning. Our dreams were what made us make our choices in life. Our dreams, our end game…

My mind's wanderings were interrupted by the sudden loud beep of the alarm telling us that our food was finally ready. It took a moment for me to tell my body to move and by the time I was on my way to standing, Alex's hand was held out to help me up. I took it and he pulled, making me fly into his body, landing with a slight thump against his chest. He grinned down at me, his dark eyes meeting my light ones. Opposites attract they say, suddenly that made more sense to me than it had ever done before. Slowly I moved out of his grip and went to turn off the cooker as it's beeping had now become insistent. The music from the old stereo on the side had turned into a soft and ever so slightly haunting melody, that made shivers crawl down my spine. I turned round to meet Alex's searching eyes. He held out his hands to me, which I took in mine, he then pulled me towards him.

"Dance with me." He said ever so softly, his voice seeming to come from somewhere else.

I pulled my hands out of his and wrapped them around his neck, while his encircled my waist. Slowly we moved to the gentle, yet deep beat of the song. I wrested my forehead against Alex's and shut my eyes. Breathing in his breath, smelling his scent, feeling his heat against my body, we seemed to become one breathing, living, feeling being. We breathed in and out together, and I swear I could feel his heart beating with mine. The music twirled and whirled around us, making me become heady and detached from my body. The rain battered against the french doors, the wind whistled through the trees and gaps.

The song finished with a ring, from what I suppose must have been a bell. It did the trick anyway, and my once dream fogged brain seemed to jump awake. With a shock, I become aware of exactly how close I was to Alex's mouth, and I turned my head away, fear coursing through me. Not now, please not now, I just couldn't. I pulled my head away from Alex's and looked into his eyes, just in time to see disappointment disappearing to be replaced by complete blankness. Guilt coursed through me, and without really thinking I leant forwards and pressed my lips to the corner of his mouth, lingering there for a minute before pulling away and giving him a small smile. He returned the smile, and gave me a quick peck on the forehead, before letting go of me and moving towards the food.

"Come on love, we better eat this before it goes cold, although god knows I'm so fookin' hungry I could probably eat it just the same."

So we ate, and talked, mostly about food, cooking and the logistics of me coming over to see him in February. It turned out they were going to be in Paris, somewhere I had been wanting to go for a long time. I had only ever been once and only for a couple of hours, as were on our way to Morocco and we had a few hours to spare between trains. Of course we had gone straight up the Eiffel Tower, where Kestrel had proceeded to puke on the second highest floor. It had been a rather gross comedy moment, as just as he had been sick some dude fell out of his wheelchair, causing everybody to step back, in to Kes's sick. I told Alex the story and he had laughed and then told me that he was in fact trying to eat and didn't really want to be thinking of Kes's puke at that moment in time.

After we had washed up, which took much longer than it should have, as Alex seemed to like playing with bubbles a lot more than I would have guessed, we meandered into the lounge to settle down to the film.

"So my Dad told me about this film and to be honest it does look really good. I hope you like it." I handed the film to Alex to inspect, which he did with a certain curiosity.

He nodded in acceptance and moved towards the DVD player under the small TV just across from the fire. I went and settled down in the corner of the small sofa opposite, while Al fiddled with the device. He was kneeling down, giving me a rather splendid view of his butt. I won't lie to you, I did check it out, but then averted my gaze as soon as he looked like he was finished with the DVD. He stood back up and walked towards me, giving me a small smirk. I winked back and curled my legs up under me. Without any hesitance Alex lay down and rested his head on my lap, clutching the remote in his hand. At first I was still and tense, but then relaxed and put my hand to his head, feeling his hair wind around my fingers. A sigh escaped his parted lips and his eyelids fluttered closed as the film started to play.

"Oi, don't you fall asleep now mister. I'm not watching this film on my own." I said quietly, not wanting to disturb the peace that had settled down around us.

He didn't open his eyes, but his mouth curled up into a half smile, "I'll do my best love, but I'm not promisin' anythin'"

"Ugh, you're impossible."

"Only for you babe." He said, laughter in his voice.

I scowled down at him, "Only for you indeed." The actual film had now started and Alex's eyes opened, turning his head, he started to watch the few opening seconds. I gazed down at his face, my fingers weaving through his soft hair and was content.

_/\_/\/\_

My alarm woke us from our slumber. I reached over, my brain still befuddled by sleep, and tapped 'Dismiss'. I slumped back down, snuggling back into Alex's chest, where he lay behind me, arm around my waist.

After a little while I said, "I don't like this day already." My voice cracked with disuse.

"Mmm." Came his reply.

Sighing, I sat up, pulling the duvet with me and pushing my hair out of my face. I yawned, my jaw cracking. The morning light spilled in through the gaps in the curtains, grey and unyielding.

Turning I gave Alex's shoulder a poke, "C'mon sleepy head, you've only got like 45 mins until you need to leave.

Alex groaned and pulled his pillow over his head. Deciding to give him a minute, I leant back up against the headboard. We hadn't gone to bed as early as I had hoped and had sat up way too late, talking. As we had headed up to bed, late as it was, Alex had phoned for a cab to come for him at half ten the next morning. Although it was now only about ten in the morning, it felt like it was early as hell and I wanted nothing more to snuggle down and go back to sleep. It was a Sunday morning through and through. I rolled onto my knees bringing the duvet with me and stumbled off the bed.

Alex lay curled up in the centre of it, his body completely visible as the duvet was now wrapped around my body.

"No...I'm not goin' to..." Came his muffled voice from under the pillow, "...You can't make me…"

I looked up at the ceiling and let the duvet fall to carpeted floor. Crawled onto the bed in nothing but my thigh length white nightie, I pulled at Alex's arm, my body week with sleep. Giving his arm a yank, I slumped back down on the bed and peeked under the pillow.

"Al, come on, you need to eat and I would like to spend a little bit of time with you before you go."

With a grunt of utter annoyance Alex pushed the pillow off his head and sat up, keeping his eyes firmly closed. I sat up too, crossing my legs and waited for him to open his eyes. Which he did after a minute, every so slowly peeking out from under his eyelids. I cocked my head to the side and gave him a small smile. After a little while of just staring at me, he returned the smile, his eyes drooping and sleepy. It was possibly one of the sexiest and adorable things I had ever seen. His hair was wild, sticking up and falling all over his face. I indicated the door with my head and stood up, going to my wardrobe, pulling out one of my step-dads old green holey jumpers. Pulling it over my head, I came through the head hole with a gasp, hair going all in my face. Checking that Alex was still preoccupied with waking up, I took his presents out from their hiding place. I then grabbed a pair of my black knee socks and pulled them on. By that time Alex was standing too, rubbing his face and then walking over to the curtains. He pulled them back with a flourish that belong on a West End stage.

"I'll go and make some coffee." Not waiting for his reply, I walked past him to the door, grabbing a hair band from off my bedside table.

I shivered as I descended the stairs, the air cooling as I went lower. When I got to the kitchen I filled the kettle, and switched it on, the sound of it filling the heavily silent room. I pulled my hair up, mushing it up into the semblance of a bun, although no sooner had I put it up, stray strands curled around my face and down my neck. I was never good at the hair stuff, I would bet that Alex knew more about hair styles than I did. Pulling the mugs out of the cupboard above the kettle, I placed them on the white counter, the slight noise they made as they hit the hard plastic seemed to cut throuth the room. I looked up at this point, looking at the iron grey sky outside. Graying clouds skidded across it, as the small tree in the tiny garden swung from side to side, the wind pushing it from it's roots.

I heard his soft foot step across the wooden floor, just as the kettle started to boil. I switched it off and poured it steaming into the coffee pot on the side. I half expected Alex to wrap his arms around me, in fact I was waiting for it. But he didn't. He came and stood next to me, looking out towards the garden, shoulder bushing mine.

"This is weird." I whispered, not really sure if I had actually said it outloud or had simply thought it.

"Yeah it is, just a little bit."

I pushed his presents towards him, from where I had placed them on the side, "These are yours. Don't forget them."

Alex took the smaller of the two packages gently in his hands, turning it this way and that. I took this moment to look him over, seeing that he had changed into what he had been wearing yesterday. After he had inspected the package to his satisfaction, he looked at me, touching his knuckles to me cheek,"Thank you Darlin', when did you get these?"

I blushd and looked down, my cheek tingling from his touch, "Urm, yesterday. After seeing Roger."

He lifted my face up, his hand under my chin, "Thank you Love, I'm lookin' forward to openin' them."

I took my chin out of his hand, "Good." Picking the coffee pot up, I poured the dark liquid into our separate mugs. The smell filled the air, waking up my senses, as my emotions fell into the pit of my stomach, curling into knots.

I handed Alex's mug to him, but it stayed in my hand. Looking up, I saw that was he stareing at me, "What?" I raised my eyebrows at him.

Without saying anything he took the mug out of my hand and then placed it back down on the side. I looked at him, confused. Before I knew what was happening Alex's hands were cupping my face, his lips coming towards mine. Quick as a flash I jerked my head out of his grasp, twisting completely out from in front of him to the other side of the kitchen. Alex turned with me, his face portraying shock. And hurt. My insides became a formidable ocean of feelings.

Alex threw his arms up into the air, "What the _'ell_ is this Rhea, " He said, his voiced raised, "One minute you seem all for it, the next you're pushin' me away like anythin'."

I looked down at the floor, wrapping my arms around my stomach, "I don't know." I lied. I did know, but it was just too...too embarrassing, weak.

Alex stormed towards me, a scowl on his face, "No Rhea that's not good enough. You 'ave _no right_ to play with me like this. Either you want me or you don't. What is it that you want? "

I turned towards the window, away from his accusing eyes, "Look, I'm sorry if it seems like I'm leading you on. It's not my intention. It's just well I don't like you like that Alex." My heart clenched, pain lancing through my being.

I felt his hands on my shoulders, spinning me around to face him, "_Bullshit!_ Absolute fookin' _bullshit_ Rhea. You know as well as I do that there's somethin' between us. It may not be much, but there is _somethin'_. Don't you dare tel-"

At this point I had, had enough. I looked him in the eye, "_Fine! Fine Alex. If this is what you want, here have it. I'm scared._" I said, my voice rising higher and higher, "_I'm scared ok. I'm fucking terrified of what I feel when I look at you. When you touch me, I swear bloody fireworks go off in my nerve system!_" I stormed over to the counter snatching his presents up and shoving them into his hands.

I looked back at him, my voice quieter, but just as forceful, "Alex baby, you are going to break my heart one day, I know it. Nothing you can say will change my mind about this. Men are just liars and thieves, taking whatever they want, whenever they want."

There was a ding as the doorbell was rung. The taxi was early. I pointed towards the door, "There, saved by the fucking bell. Just leave will you."

I turned back to look out of the window, using all my strength to hold back the tears that threatened my well being.

His voice was shaky as he spoke, "Rhea, I...I neve-"

I whirled around. I couldn't take it anymore, "_Alex, just go will you. Just go. I don't need you and I don't want you."_

His face changed completely as I shouted these words in his face. It became blank, his eyes darkened, becoming dead. Without a word he turned, still clutching my presents. My fucking heart he held in his hands, and now he was walking away from me.

I gripped the side of the counter, steadying myself as the front door slammed and Alex disappeared into the waiting taxi. As soon as he was gone, I collapsed into the armchair, my whole body shaking with sobs. I had lost him, as I knew I would. All men are liars, all men are thieves I chanted to myself, as once again I held myself together.

Up above me, standing side by side, two coffee cups were still steaming, the vapor making patterns in the air.

_/\_/\/\_

3 miles from Rhea's house, a taxi dashed along the wet streets, inside Alex Turner tore at one of the black packages on his lap, revealing a leather notebook. He slowly unwound the leather string and opened it to reveal some words in her handwriting.

_Hey, happy birthday my lovely! Don't have too much fun without me yeah?_

_So, I don't really know where to start with this, but here goes._

_Someone onced asked me if I believed in love at first sight, and I said no. And to this day I stick by my answer. I believe that love can not just happen. It doesn't just spring up from nowhere. It is built up over time, strengthening like good wine, until one day you take a sip and it's perfect. The perfect time to say 'I love you'. And Alex baby, we both have hurts so deep their still bleeding, but honey, I want to get to that day with you. I want to get to the day when I will be able to say those three small word. I'm terrified about this, but you make me strong. You are my home away from home._

_Sweet dreams hun,_

_Dandelion and Burdock Girl_

__/\_/\/\__

_Well the morning was complete._

_There was tears on the steering wheel, dripping on the seat…_

**So again, thank you for your lovely reviews, Sav x**


	10. If You Fuck With My Heart

**-If You Fuck With My Heart…-**

_About as subtle as an earthquake, I know,_

_My mistakes were made for you_

The table groaned under the pounding of our fists as we kneaded the dough. Puffs of flour swam in the air, making the already stuffy kitchen, dense looking. The light above our heads illuminated the orange and white walls of the big family kitchen. My hands were red from the constant movement, but I rejoiced in the task, it took my mind elsewhere, to places even he couldn't reach. I watched my hands turning the white dough, this way and that, pulling it, stretching it, until it was fluffy with life.

"I think that should be enough now, put them in the bowl, then place them on the fire to rise. Don't forget to put a tea towel over it now." Said my mother from where she stood to my left, hands caked in the stuff, flour dusted over her entire being. Mam was never a clean chef.

"Mam, I have made bread with you before."

She waved her hands at me in a dismissive gesture, flinging a small amount of dough off her fingers and into the air, "It's just habit Rhea. I swear I have to re-teach Kes how to make bread everytime he gets round to helping out. Right lazy bugger he is."

I shook my head at my Mother. She was always bad mouthing her children, but with such affection and love did she raise us, nobody cared what she called them.

After I had placed the dough in the big mixing bowl and put them on top of the fire place to rise, I went and washed my hands of the sticky mixture. When I was done I stood and stared out of the window into our overgrown front garden. It was now nearly dark, the last rays of sunshine streaming in through the glass.

I had come back to my Mam's because I had missed my family with a passion, so I had got the first train I could that Friday and headed to Wales. Well at least thats what I had told her. It had been nearly a week since he had walked out of my life. After I had screamed and shouted at him, until he left. Just remembering the scene made my almost cripple with sadness. I hadn't told anybody what had happened, not even Jade who had bugged me about it so much I had shouted at her. I didn't shout at Jade, I just didn't do that sort of stuff to her, so after I had raised my voice, she had left me well alone. So alone that I hadn't spoken to her since Tuesday. It was now Saturday and although I was home, my heart was elsewhere.

Since that Sunday Morning, I had been walking around in a dream state, running on instincts and my friends generosity. Many of them were used to my down times, but this time it was different, and they knew it. Like Jade, many had tried to get it out of me, even some of my teachers at Circus Space, but I had closed down with such force that they had left me well alone. So far that was me. Alone. But now I was back home, I had been waiting for Mam to pick up something was wrong. So far she hadn't mentioned anything to me, but when she had picked me from the small station in our local town, she had frowned and given me a extra big hug. Since then she had not been patient with my siblings loudness, and had saved me from many bouts of questions that had been fired at me from all of them. She knew something was up, and I think she was just biding her time. Waiting until it was just me and her. And now she had found it. All the others had gone out to see our Auntie play football in Cardiff, it was big game, but I had stayed at my Mother's insistence.

"Rhea?"

I turned round to face her. She stood leaning up against the small fridge, giving me her full attention. My Mam was tall, round cheeked and wild haired. Rarely was she completely clean, usually she would have earth under her nails from her obsessive gardening, ingredients from whatever she had been cooking, or perhaps even a smudge of makeup gone wrong. I loved her with a fierce passion that had me up and enraged if anybody was to say anything even slightly offensive about her. She had been there for me when my friends had disappeared, and my heart and very body was broken. She had supported me in my wild pursuits of circus, scraping together money for my travels with various groups so I could get the experience she had once dreamed of. She had been there for me when my father had given up on me, abandoning me because I wasn't what he had envisioned I'd be. To him, circus was just a passing phase, and I would one day realise that I should go to a 'proper' universite and get a 'proper' degree. He had lost his way somewhere between his marriage and choosing work over building up a strong relationship with his children. I had given him all my love and attention until I had realised that he gave me next to nothing in return. That was the day I had left and not talked to him for over a year. That being the year that I had started with him. Jamie. The man who had damaged me so much I couldn't bare to love the man I wanted.

As Mam stared at me, these thoughts raced through my head, making my emotions go wild.

"Rhea, it's time to tell me whats going on. No more hiding. We both know it does you no good."

That was it. I broke and rushed her to her side, burying my head in her chest, hiding from the cruel world we must live in. After I had cried for a little while, Mam guided me towards the lounge where we sat on one of our old dusty sofas and I told her everything. I told her about how he made my feel when he smiled, I told her about how his touch made my skin feel electric, I told her about how whenever he spoke my ears where filled with the sweetest sound of his voice. But most of all I told her about my mistake. About I had pushed him away, I was scared, weak and alone.

"The fear that grips me when I think of having to commit to a relationship with him makes my knees weak. He'll be away so much, and we both have such different lives and dreams and wants, I have no idea how we can possibly make it work."

Mam shook her head at me, "And so what if it doesn't work? If you really do have strong feelings towards him, you'll work it out, trust me. How do you think J and I have been able to stick it out all these years? Because we try. We try hard to make it work, and it does. I love J so much that sometimes it scares the shit out of me."

I rubbed my hand across my wet face, and sniffed, "Yeah, but what if it isn't meant to be? What if he just ends up hurting me and then leaving?"

Mam took my hand in hers, "And then you'll move on. You'll have good times. It's just like your Dad and I. We were together for a good amount of years and although I have problems with him now, I will never forget the good times that we had. I will never forget that for some time, albeit briefly, I was in love with him and it was the best feeling. We had a great time together, obviously it went it a bit sour towards the end, but I wouldn't change the past for anything. Being with him helped me grow and become the person I am now. Plus I did get two rather lovely children out of it."

I slumped back against the sofa and pulled my knees to my chin, "I just, I can't explain it….I...suppose that in him I see something that scares me. I see his devotion towards me, his affection and I just don't feel like I will be able to meet his needs. I suppose I'm scared of letting him down…"

"And what about your needs Rhea? You have been in what, 3 relationships so far and one of them fucked you up so bad you can't have a good relationship anymore? Don't give Jamie the satisfaction of seeing you struggle to find love. That man did things to you that make me want to ring he fucking neck, so don't you dare become somebody you're not because of him. You are a strong and loving young woman Rhea. If this is meant to be, you'll work it out. Sure there will be days where you don't even want to see their face, but then it'll be over and you'll move on and make up."

I stared down at my black jean clad knees and let my mind struggle over the possibilities of the future. What Mam said was true. I would not let that bastard affect my lifes decisions anymore. He had done enough already. Affected me in ways I dare not even consider.

My head jerked up as the door was pushed open with a bang, my various siblings stumbling through the kitchen and towards where we sat on the sofa, Mam still holding my hand. I hid my face, as they traipsed in, not wanting them to see me like this. I was the strong one. I was the one who looked after their hurts and tears. I was the big sister.

Dana came and sat next to me, tapping me on the shoulder, "You alright Rhea?"

I looked up, not meeting her dark gray eyes, "Yep, I'm fine."

Dana pulled my left arm up and over her shoulder, so that she was now cuddled into my chest. It brought back painful memories.

"Then why have you been crying?"

"Because I was sad, but I'm fine now."

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

I shook my head, "No. Not anymore."

"Ok."

I kissed the top of her blonde dreadlocked head. I did love her sometimes. She knew when people needed space, unlike some people.

Mam had now got up from beside me to help J put the shopping away, and my younger brother Kes bounced onto the sofa next to me, making Dana and I jostle, the top of her head hitting my chin.

"What's up Rhea?", Kes said.

I sighed and was about to answer, when Dana interrupted me, "Shut up Kes, leave her alone."

Kes gave Dana a playful frown and then leant forwards and gave me a kiss on the cheek, "Love you sis."

_/\_/\/\_

_"Just leave!...I don't need you and I don't want you! Just go...!"_

_Alex's blank face and dead eyes stared at me. He turned to go, leaving me in the swirling abyss of despair. Tears trickled down my cold cheeks, dripping into ice. I was so cold. So cold._

_In the distance along the dark hall he shone like flickering passion. I needed him. Why did I send him away? I ran, slipping and sliding on the ice floor at my feet. My limbs stiff and sore as the ice traveled through my veins._

_"Alex wait! I'm sorry, I need you. I need you so much. Please, come back…" I screamed after him, my voice was silent, but he heard me and turned. The light got brighter._

_"You said you didn't need me Rhea. I won't stay where I'm not wanted…" His voice carried along the hall. He turned to leave, opening the door, walking outside._

_I crumpled to the floor, my inside being ripped apart._

_"I do need you, I do…"_

I do need you...Alex…" I whispered, waking from my nightmare. My covers were off my bed and I was cold. So cold. I blinked in the dark, feeling the cool air chilling my already freezing skin. Flicking on the light above my bed, I sat up, pulling the covers up and around me, warming my chilled flesh. The soft light from the small lamp illuminated my childhood bedroom. Memories flickered in every corner. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, and my hands came away wet, tears making my fingertips glisten. I had been crying. Pulling my curtain aside from the window beside my bed, I saw that it was completely black outside. Next I picked up my phone that was charging on the bedside table. _3:17AM._

I had gone to bed early as I was emotionally and physically exhausted by the day. It's all I seemed to do when I come home. Sleep. I was now wide awake and staring at the camera on the small wooden table across the room. Without thinking about it too much I walked across the cold wooden floor and picked the old device up, my hands shaking slightly. Getting back into bed and snuggling down into my blankets I turned it on, the small screen lighting up. I went onto pictures and stopped when I got to him. There he was, glowing softly in the light of the fire. I bit my lip to stop it wobbling and flicked to the next picture. Looking closely, I now saw the beginnings of a small smile forming on his lips, his eyes crinkling at the corners. He was either smiling at something in the book, or had known I was there all along.

I needed to speak to him. Now. I needed to at least hear his voice say my name. I dropped the camera on the bed and snatched my phone up, fumbling to type in the PIN. Before I could change my mind, I quickly flicked through my contacts until I came to his. I pressed on his number and held the phone to my ear, breathing fast. The phone rang. And rang. And rang, until finally it stopped, and my stomach dropped as I heard his voice. It was only his answer machine. I slowly brought the phone away from my ear and ended the call. There was no way I was leaving a message, it would just be embarrassing. And anyway I had heard his voice, kind of. I put my phone back onto charge, and lay back down, tears slowly dripped down my face, until I scrunched my eyes shut, shutting them away behind my eyelids. It was a sign. It must be. It obviously wasn't meant to be, and I had to except that, I had t-.

I sat up straight as my phone lit up, vibrating softly. Snatching up my phone, I saw that Alex was calling. Phoning me back. Now it was actually here I hesitated, not sure if I could do it. Jamie's face came into my minds eye.

"You'll always be mine Rhea. Mine! Do you hear me?" I pushed his voice away. He was gone. Finished.

Before my minds wanderings got the better of me, I pressed answer and brought the phone to my ear.

"Hi?" I said softly, my throat constricting.

_"Rhea?"_

"Yep."

There was silence from the other end, all I could here was his steady breathing.

"Alex I...I really miss you."

There was the sound of him letting out a breath and then he replied, "_I miss you too Rhea._"

I gulped and look at my wall, "Alex, I'm...really sorry for what I said, I just, I don't know. I suppose I find it hard to trust that someone would like me in that way. Well, like me enough to stay anyway."

I heard him sigh, "_An', I'm sorry too. For tryin' to force you into somethin' that you're not ready for._"

I sat up straight, "No. Alex. I am ready...sometimes. Just right then I was all over the place. You make my head spin. It's like I can't think properly when I'm around you."

"_Well that goes both ways._"

I blushed, thankful he couldn't see, "Well what can I say...I can be quite delightful sometimes." I said before my mind caught up with my mouth.

He chuckled, and my eyelids fluttered as I absorbed the sound, "_There she is. I knew she hadn't completely gone._"

I smiled. Just hearing his voice was making me feel better. If I were just to touch him…

"_Rhea,_" His voice took on a serious note, "_I know this is hard for you and I'm gonna take this phone call as a sign that you want to be back in touch with me. I just want you to know that I 'aven't felt like this about someone for a long time. I'm willin' to wait until you're ready, if that's what you need. Just don't play with me, I can't take it._"

I curled up my left hand into a fist, until my short nails bit into the skin of my palm, "Alex, that's the problem. I've waited too long to move on in my life. I haven't let anybody close since, since him, and I'm scared that if I don't let someone in soon, I wont ever be able to. I'll lose my nerve."

I pulled myself together, bring my arms around my knees and positioning my back up against the wall, "Jesus Alex, I'm so scared…"

His voice was utterly serious now, "_Rhea, I won't 'urt you. I'll never intentionally go out of my way to cause you pain. I won't leave you._"

I sighed, and looked up at the ceiling, the cracks were dark where the light couldn't reach them. I sniffed, my eyes watering again, "But Alex you will leave me. You'll leave me when you walk away. You'll leave me for stages and parties, where women will fawn over you for your attention. You'll leave me at train stations and airports. You'll leave me for new countries and experiences. You wont be able to not leave me, I'm just not sure I'm strong enough to hold a relationship together with such distances that are sure to appear between us. I'm damaged goods Alex. I've been told, and It's true. I let people down."

"_We're all fookin' damaged goods Rhea. We just have to make do with what we 'ave. Make mistakes, fall over an' break, then put ourselves back together again. Rhea, you're stronger than you think, Love. An' anyway it won't just be you holding it together. A relationship is a two way thing"_

I put my hand across my mouth to stop the sob that wanted to come forth, "Alex, I don't fucking deserve you."

"_Yes you do. You deserve so much better than me, but I'm willin' to give all I can to make it so you get the affection an' devotion you deserve. It's like that book you gave me. It's a new start, a new beginnin', a new world to explore an' write about. I want you to be there with me. I want to get to the day where the wine is jus' right, an' I can say those three small words._"

My mind flashed back to the note I had written, I had completely forgotten about it. He was my home away from home. A tear slid down my cheek.

"_You're my Dandelion an' Burdock girl Rhea. You're my muse. My new start._"

I sniffed again.

"R_hea, are you cryin'?_"

I swallowed and choked out, "No."

I could nearly hear him rolling his eyes at me, _"I don't think you're tellin' the truth._"

"Ugh fine. I am crying. I'm crying because you're so god damn….I don't even know what you are…You're just the best ok? Happy now?" I wiped my hands across my eyes. Where the hell were these tears coming from?

"_Well no, but yes at the same time. I think I'm gettin' through to you a bit. Rhea, since I left I've been watchin' paint dry just thinkin' of you._"

I gave a snotty sounding laugh, "Well I think you're exaggerating a bit there."

"_No, it's actually true. We 'ad a couple of the walls in the truck re-painted an' all I've been doin' is sitting, watchin' it dry and writin'._"

My heart skipped a beat, "You've been writing?"

"_Yeah._"

"Oh god."

"_What?_"

"It's actually real. This is all real." I had suddenly fallen into a state of shock.

He laughed and then there was a loud voice from his end of the line.

"_Matt? What the fook man_?"

There was what sounded like a scuffle from the other end of the line and then an unfamiliar voice said my name.

"_Rhea? It's Matt,_" There was another scuffle and heavy breathing filled the receiver, I pulled the phone away from my ear and frowned. What the fuck? "_No Al, just lemme say somethin' to 'er."_

"Matt? You alright?"

"Y_eah I'm fine, Al's just bein' a dick and not lettin' me speak to you so I'm gonna make this quick. Basically Al's been completely borin' and mopin' around. He needs you Rhea. He's jus' not the sort of guy who can cope with rejection, especially one from someone like you. So please, I'm beggin' ya, just come and see him, please._"

I suppose at the end of the day it was as simple as that, "Ok Matt, I'll be seeing you in February. In Paris."

"_You fookin' serious. It were as easy as that? I really don't know what Al was goin' on about._"

There was a noise from his end and then Alex's voice was again in my ear, "_Sorry 'bout that, he totally just like came up behin' me and took the phone off me."_

I giggled and then stopped abruptly. I had laughed more in this one phone call than I had in the last week.

"Alex, it's fine. So you still up for me coming to see you?"

There was complete and utter silence on the other end. I had the feeling his wasn't even breathing.

Finally he let out a breath, "_Yeah, I would like that very much_."

"Ok then, I'll be seeing you soon. You're playing at the L'Olympia place on Friday the 3rd aren't you?"

"_Yeah._"

"Well I'll meet you there, I wont be able to get there until later on, as I don't finish training until about three, and then I need to get the flight and so on."

"_Bloody 'ell. I can't believe this is actually happenin'. After what you said I thought that was it, it was over before it had begun._"

I smiled sadly. "Alex hunny, you're in deep now, there's no escaping."

"_I will never want to escape from you._"

"Hmm, we'll see. Alex?"

"_Yeah?_"

I swallowed and held myself a little tighter, "Alex, if...if you mess around with me, I...I won't, I don't think I will be able to get back up again. And I swear to god Alex, if you fuck around with my heart, it will take a long, long time for me to forgive you."

"_Rhea,_" His voice had gone low and soft, making me shiver, "_If I were with you right now I would kiss all your worries away. I would show you how much you mean to me. But I'm not. I'm halfway round the fookin' world so all I 'ave are words. I will never intentionally hurt you. Ever. I swear to god Rhea, you're too precious to me to hurt."_

"Ok." I didn't know what else to say.

"_Ok?_"

"Ok."

I bent my big toe and it clicked, "Alex, I really want to see you soon...I miss waking up to you, we had a little routine."

"_Yeah, it's funny after sharin' a bed with you for jus' two nights, it really got me into the habit of it. My bed on the bus is small, but seems empty."_

"Well my beds huge so imagine how I feel."

He chuckled and then shouted to someone. His voice was muffled and I deduced that he must have his hand over the speaker.

After a minute of shouting and a muffled bang, he returned back to me, "_I've gotta go__, when you called we were actually doin' a run through for the show tonight. Gotta get back to it now."_

The corners of my mouth turned down from where they had been in a small smile, "Oh, ok. Sorry, it's kinda awkward timing."

"_No, don't apologize. I'm so 'appy that you called, to be honest I wouldn't 'ave had the courage after...after that mornin' when you…"_

I picked up where he trailed off, "The morning where I was a total bitch to you."

"_Rhea there are bitches and then there are jus' people who get hurt and scared like you and they react to stuff._"

"Hmm, if you say so."

"_I do say so_."

"Oi you, thats my line."

"_If you say so_."

I couldn't help letting out a snort of laughter, "Anyway hun, I'll speak to you later, sometime. This bloody time difference is gonna get to me. Plus its just dawned on me how long we've been talking and how much thats going to cost me."

"_Don't worry about the cost love, it all goes to my phone and as you pointed out, I've got plenty of cash_."

I cringed when he said that, jeez, I could be so rash sometimes, "Ok, well, bye then."

"_Bye._"

There was a pause as each of us waited for the other to hang up.

"Alex? You still there?"

"_Yeah._"

"Hang up dick head."

"_No you hang up_."

I rolled my eyes, "Ok, this is getting way too corny for my liking. Goodbye, I'll speak to you later." Before I could change my mind I took the phone from my ear and ended the call. My back crunched as I put my phone back on the charger and I wished more than anything Alex was here to laugh at the noise. I settled back down into my blankets, and switched off the light. The blackness enveloped me in it's soft folds and instantly my eyelids started to droop.

_"You're my Dandelion and Burdock Girl Rhea…"_

_/\_/\/\_

The early morning sun woke me as it gently filtered through the gaps in my dark red curtains. I blinked slowly and then sat up with a jolt as I remembered the nights events. Throwing back my duvet, I jumped out of my bed, my legs still wobbly from sleep, and raced out of my room. I burst into the kitchen, to find Mam, Fey and Art at the table, in the various stages of eating breakfast.

They all looked up as I made my entrance, "You alright?" Fey said, a piece of toast halfway to her small rosebud mouth.

I nodded, a grin spreading across my face, "Guess what."

"What?"They were all looking at me know. A knowing smile came across Mam's face. She knew. Somehow.

_"I'm going to Paris!"_

My salvation lay in his love, I could feel it in my very being.

_Middle of adventure, such a perfect place to start_

**Hey my lovelies, so I know not that much happens in this chapter, but it had to be done to move onto bigger and better places. Also just to let you know, as the chapters get longer and more complicated, it will probably take more time to write them, so please be patient with me :)**

**Thank you SO much for your reviews of the last chapter. I was literally crying the other day because of you guys. This is the first time I have ever written this sort of stuff, and the fact that a normal 15 year old girl can get such lovely and supportive reviews just astounds me. So again thank you, you make my days just that little bit brighter.**

**Sav x**


	11. You Got Me Baby, Are You Mine?

**-You Got Me Baby, Are You Mine?-**

_I guess what I'm trying to say is I need the deep end_

_Keep imagining meeting, wished away entire lifetimes_

I zipped my suitcase shut, hopefully for the final time, and stood up straight. So this was it. I was really doing it. My cab was due any minute and I was finally, finally, packed and ready to go. I was so fucking nervous my hands were shaking and I had to sit back down on the side of my neatly made bed.

I had booked my flight to Paris as soon as was physically possible, and then waited for the time to come when I was to pack and start my journey to meet Alex. Today my mind had been completely accompanied by Alex, making my attention span extremely short, and let me tell you, I got shouted at more today than I have even in my entire time at Circus Space. My excuse was that it was the weekend, and I was looking forward to the break. Many of my teachers had given me a skeptical look, but had decided not to pry, knowing that my ability to shut them out was legendary. After the day had finished, I had rushed back home, triple checked my packing and called a taxi in preparation for my escape. I mean journey.

I looked out of my bedroom window and heard Jade's laughter as it floated up from downstairs. Jade had been brilliant in calming me down and helping me pack. As soon as I was back in London, I had phoned her up and apologized, telling her everything. She had told me off, as I knew she would, for pushing Alex away, but had also been sympathetic to my struggle and given me a huge hug when we had met the next day. She was now somewhere downstairs talking to Sally who had arrived a little while back. I had told Sally that I was just going to Paris to have a little break and she had insisted on paying for my taxi to Heathrow. I loved Sally a lot, she had been extremely supportive in my decisions, however she had the tendency to gossip, and right now I didn't want my life talked about with her multiple old lady friends.

My bedroom door opened and I looked up.

"You ready? Your cab just arrived." Jade said as she sat down next to me. Her frizzy blonde hair was pulled up into a high ponytail, small springs of hair arrowed out from her temples. She looked brilliant.

I nodded slowly and then jumped up, flicking my hair off my shoulder, "Yep. Help me take my stuff down will you?"

She shook her head at me, "Yes, of course, just, take a breath Rhea."

I raised my hands above my head and breathed in, letting the breath out as my arms came down. As soon as my hands were back down by my sides, I grabbed my black suitcase and bag, putting it over my shoulder.

I looked over behind me, back to where Jade was still sitting on my bed, "Come on lazy bum, grab that bag will you."

I turned back around and opened the door with my leather clad foot, stumbling through and out onto the landing. I made my way down the landing and then the stairs, into the hallway where Sally was waiting for me.

Sally was a tiny women who just about came up to my shoulder, she had a cloud of white and gray hair which she kept wazy, pulling it back with a couple pins. Her bright pink lips stretched into a smile, revealing strong white teeth, "Are you all packed Darling?"

I smiled gently back at her, hearing Jade coming down the stairs behind me, "Yes, although knowing me, I've probably forgotten something."

She nodded in agreement, her old face crinkling up in laughter. Sally turned and opened the door for me, revealing the waiting taxi. I walked out and the cab driver pulled open the boot for me, where I dumped my suitcase. I turned back out of the way as Jade placed my other small bag next to the it.

She opened her arms and I walked into them, wrapping my arms around her small waist. I nestled my face into her neck and breathed in her scent, feeling more relaxed than I had in days. It was all going to be ok. Just breathe Rhea.

"I love you Rhea, I'll miss you."

"Love you too Jade, like, so much."

I felt her laugh and then she pulled back, I moved away to give Sally a hug as well and then opened my door.

Sally and Jade stood together, arms round each others waists. They held their hands up and each gave me a little wave.

"See you guys." I got into the can and settled down on my seat, I was never very good at goodbyes.

"Ready?" The driver asked in a deep and gravelly voice.

"Yeah, thanks."

We set off, and I rested my head against the back of my seat. The time had finally come to put my issues aside and embrace something new. Someone new, in to my life. We had decided that I would stay for the weekend and catch a flight back early Sunday afternoon. They had shows every night that I was there, but I didn't mind at all. I loved concerts a lot, so much so, that I was sure that I had probably spent half of my lifes earning on concert tickets. Plus, since I would be watching the Arctic Monkeys, aka, one of my favorite bands, I would be pretty much in heaven.

The journey was only about half an hour but seemed to take an age. I swear the world slows down when you're in a hurry just to try and teach you patience. I wasn't really in a hurry to get to Alex, in fact I was kind of freaking out about seeing him, I was more worried about missing my flight. I was already going to miss part of their show at L'Olympia, and this annoyed me, so the thought of missing it all pissed me off. I had to be there to see him play. I had to reacquaint myself with him before I actually met him again. I was worried about how we would react towards each other when we say one another. Would we not be able to think of anything to say, would we have an awkward conversation...would we kiss? I suppose the only way to find out was to wait and see, yet my mind flickered through every scenario humanly possible.

I looked down at my legs which were clad in black wooly tights, it was still winter after all. Playing with the hem of my small blue and white striped dress, I bit my lip. It had took me a long time to decide what to take to wear. I wasn't really sure what was going to happen, ie would we go out, or just lounge around...would he be seeing me naked? To be on the safe side I had packed a bit of everything, so my suitcase was bulging. My excuse was that you had to have the right clothes for the right occasion, it was just a little thing of mine that had to be indulged.

After about 20 minutes the taxi stopped, and I gazed out at the huge building which now loomed above me. Every time I arrived at Heathrow Airport it took my breath away. There was something so modern and majestic about the glass and metal structure that made your heart do a little jump of pride at the human race. We sure could build some extraordinary places. And destroy them.

The cabbie got out of his seat and went to open the boot for me, as I opened my door and stepped out into the wind. It blew my loose hair all over my face, into my eyes and mouth. I grabbed it in one hand and shoved it under the collar of my leather jacket, hoping it would stay there long enough for me to get inside. The cabbie handed me my luggage and I got my purse out of my bag, handing him the agreed price for his services. I thanked him, grabbed the handle of my suitcase, made my way into Heathrow.

_/\_/\/\_

Ticket please Madame."

I handed the stewardess my ticket and looked at the door towards the airplane. Ok, so I traveled. A lot. And yet, I hated planes. A lot. They just did not make sense to me. How the fuck did a huge metal structure fly through the sky when it weighed bloody tonnes? I just didn't trust them, and would try and not fly in them anytime I could. However, with time being short I had put my personal preferences aside and booked the stupidly expensive ticket for a weekend in Paris. I sure hoped I wouldn't regret it.

"That'll be all, please make your way into the plane." Said the small women across the counter, handing me back my ticket.

I thanked her and moved on with my hand luggage, my legs going a little wobbly as I made my way down the tunnel. I swallowed, Rhea, you can do this, as soon as its flying you'll be ok.

Some how I got to my seat with no trouble, only a little trip into the metal container, and shoved my luggage into the space above my head. Just as I was about to sit down, I felt something bang into my leg, I looked down to see a small head of dark brown curls.

"Jake! Please be careful where you're going. There are too many people to run around sweetie."

I looked up to see a young woman sitting in the seat next to me, a baby clutched to her chest. She met my eyes, "I'm so sorry. Jake's used to a bit more space to run around than this."

Jake had now gone back to his mother's side, looking at me with wide dark eyes. I smiled down at him and then at the mother. I held out my hand, "I'm Rhea. Don't worry about it at all, I know exactly how he feels."

Her face cracked into a lovely smile which completely lit up her young face. She shook my hand, "I'm Maria. Thank you so much. You wouldn't believe how many people have shouted at him today. I swear people have no patience with small children these days.

I settled back in my seat, turning my head so that I could still see Maria, "I know right. It gets on my nerves how much they are expected to behave like adults."

I looked down at Jake who was clutching onto his mother's sleeve, inspecting me, "And how old are you?"

He looked up at his mum, who gave him an approving nod and then back at me, "Me two." He said, his voice babyish and high pitched. My heart gave a little squeeze as my older sister syndrome kicked in.

"Really? Are you looking forward to flying on this airplane?" I indicated the plane around us.

He shook his head, his smooth forehead puckering up into a frown, "No, me don't like the feeling' in me stomach."

I smiled down at him and nodded, "I know the feeling, I don't like flying at all."

He stared at me and was about to say something when he was interrupted by the speaker somewhere in the plane announcing our departure. Oh god.

Maria lifted Jake into his seat and fastened his seatbelt and then did the same to herself, holding the baby to her chest. I was dying to see it's face, but it was turned the other way. Maria noticed me looking at the baby and smiled, "This here is Alice, she was born a couple months ago."

I clapped my hand across my mouth, I adored babies, "Oh my god. If you need any help over the course of the journey looking after her, or Jake, just let me know."

I could now see the dark bags under Maria's eyes and the way her eyelids drooped slightly, "I am sure I will use your offer somewhere along the journey." She said, smiling gently.

And she did. Not long after we took flight, Jake came and sat on my lap while I read him story and Maria napped. It turned out they were heading back to see Maria's french husband, Phillip, who lived in Paris, as they were returning from seeing Maria's family. I told her as little as I could about my plans, only that I was going away for the weekend for a break. She had accepted this story without question, and I was glad. She carried on to tell me more about her husband. Apparently he traveled all round the world for his job, she confessed that many times she had considered leaving him as she hated him leaving, but she had stayed. Why you might ask? Because at the end of the day, he was her everything and she his. After Maria had told me this, my mind ran from one thought to another, thinking about being left again and again by Alex. Would I be able to take it? I wondered on this until Jake demanded another story be read to him. For the rest of the flight I sat with Jake and entertained him until he eventually fell asleep on me after about half an hour. I plugged my headphones into my phone and flicked through my albums, one of my arms holding Jake to my chest. What to listen to? There was only one thing for it. It was time to get up to date, again, on the Arctic Monkeys music. I pressed on Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not and leant back against my headrest, the first chords of The View From the Afternoon gracing my ears with it's melodie.

_/\_/\/\_

I was awakened by a squirming on my lap, and then a sudden painful feeling in my ear as my earphones was yanked from my ear hole. It seemed that Suck It and See's calm songs had made me fall asleep. I looked down to see that Jake had woken up as well and had my earphone wire in his small hand as he frowned up at me.

I blinked, "Hey…" I said quietly, my voice soft as you never knew what mood a toddler was in after they had woken up.

"I want food." He said, pointing towards Maria, who was still fast asleep, the baby also still out for the count.

Before I could answer there was a squeak as the speakers came to life, proclaiming that we would in fact be landing in Paris in a minute. "Please fasten your seat belts"

The noise of the speaker and the sudden movement around her, woke Maria. As soon as she had rubbed her eyes, she looked around wildly until she spotted Jake on my lap. Jake saw that she had woken and slid off my lap, toddled over to her, where she picked him up and plopped im in his seat. After she had fastened him in she turned back to me, "Has he been alright?"

I stretched my arms above my head and yawned, "Yeah, he's been a little angel, tell you the truth though, we've both been asleep most of the time."

Maria smiled and ruffled Jakes hair, "Yeah, the travel has definitely taken its toll on us all."

I nodded in agreement and then wrapped my arms around my stomach in a vain attempt of holding my innards together as we made our descent. I started to quietly chant the true names of every muscle in my body, trying to take my mind off the fact that we were hurtling towards earth in a metal object.

When we finally landed, with a rather big bump, and a loud grind, I breathed a sigh of relief and released myself from my own death drip. I heard Maria also breathe a sigh of relief next to me and gave her a smile that plainly said, "I hear you sister."

The plane came to a halt and the entire carriage of people burst into movement, the clicking of seat belts being unfastened echoed round the room. I undid mine and stood up, pulling on my jacket that I had taken off earlier, then reached up and dragged my my bags out from above me. They came down with a thump, nearly landing on my head, but I lurched to the side just in time. Just as I turned around I became aware of a small presence near my legs. I looked down to see the now familiar mop of brown hair at my thighs.

"Bye Rhea." Jake said, his voice quavering slightly as his mouth moved around the unfamiliar name.

I bent down and wrapped my arms around him, feeling my heart flutter as he did the same, "Bye bye sweetie, you take care yeah?"

"Yeah." He broke free and ran back to his mother side.

I leant back as two old ladie bustled past, and then walked forwards to give Maria a farewell hug, "Bye, it was lovely meeting you and your adorable children."

"You too." She said as she gave me a one armed hug as she was holding Alice with the other.

After a few more parting words were said, I gave them one last wave and made my way out of the plane and into Paris Charles de Gaulle Airport, aka, Roissy Airport. I submerged deep into myself as I walked in the bustling crowd passengers. I only became fully aware again when I was standing just outside of the exit to the airport, the warm wind whirling around me, whispering in my ear. I walked to a line of taxi's and tapped on the window of one, the burly french man inside looked up from his newspaper and went to open his door. I quickly stepped back out of his way as the big man vacated his vehicle. Now there was quite few things Alex didn't know about me, some important, some not. One of them was that I spoke fluent French. In circus, one of the biggest countries that has the biggest and best school's is France, so basically if you want to get into any of the big schools or companies, it helps a lot to know french. Plus, they will literally refuse to teach in any other language except French, so go figure. To say the least I was extremely happy that I knew it now.

The cabbie opened the boot of his taxi and motioned for me to put my bag and suitcase in, which I did so, keeping my shoulder bag with me. I thanked him and got into the back while he walked to the drivers side and sat down.

"L'Olympia, 28 Boulevard des Capucines, 75009 Paris, s'il vous plait Monsieur."

He nodded, "D'accord.", and turned back to the wind screen, turning the engine on. It came on with a slight rumble which filled the car and blocked out the sound of the wind that danced round the car.

I leant back and looked out of the window at the darkening sky, the clouds were huge and fluffy, reminding me of sitting on the duvet with Alex. Seriously, the smallest things made me think of him, it was kind of ridiculous, and yet there was certainly worst thing you could think about. I looked at the time, Alex had said that they were on at seven pm. It would take around forty minutes for the taxi to get to L'Olympia, and by then they would have been on stage for a good amount of time. Oh well, at the end of the day, I would be seeing him soon, but then again, not soon enough. My body ached to be held by his, my hands twitched in preparation to hold his, my lips tingled in the hope of touching his. Jesus, I was already turning into a lovesick fool, then again, what did I expect? This was Alex we were talking about here, you would be a fool not to see his almost perfection. I had been a fool, and I still regretted it, I only hoped I could make him believe how sorry I was for the horrible things I said. We had texted and phoned each other a bit, but we were both so insanely busy and the time difference had been a right bugger, we had barely had much connection over the last week or two. I missed him so much it would surprise me out of my daily routine, making me stop and just realise it was all real all over again. That man take my breath away, and right at the bottom of my heart I hoped I had the same affect on him, because if I didn't, this was going to fuck up so bad.

The lights of Paris flew by blurring in the rain that had now began to pour from the heavens. People walked and ran along the streets, together or alone, bathed in the light of the city. Ever since I had been here when I was younger just for those few hours, Paris had stuck in my head like a glowing light of suggestion. There was something hidden in the lights and the people, the small back alleys and the artistic spirit, that called to me as though it was my home. I could never really explain it to anybody, nobody understood what I meant, so I had kept it to myself, and now, here I was, in a country that seemed as much my home as home, going to meet him. They say that perfection does not exist, but in my books this was as close as it got.

We stopped at a traffic light, and I gazed out at a couple on the pavement, arms around each other. They were young, but on the verge of middle life, the way they stood portrayed such comfort and familiarity that it made my chest hurt. Would Alex and I be like that, or would the flower die before it had seen a second Summer? I reminded myself that the only way to find out was to wait and see, but still my hands shook and I looked away as the taxi moved forwards again. Raindrops slid down the window, leaving silvery memories of them in their wake.

Alex had came into my crazy world like a cool and calm river, washing away my hurts and losses, and yet pulling up old injuries that I had hid just under the river bed. How I loved and hated him for showing me things I thought I had lost. To be honest though, I think I had done the same to him.

The taxi came to a halt outside a brightly lit building.

"Nous sommes ici Madame."

We are here indeed. As I looked out of the murky window, I could see 'Arctic Monkeys' and 'Miles Kane' lit brightly by red lights on a huge billboard over the doorway to what I presumed was L'Olympia. There was quite a few people milling about outside, and even what seemed to be a few police standing guard. I wondered if this was just the usual thing or if maybe they were here as an extra precaution against AM fans.

I jumped out of the cab, adrenalin suddenly coursing through my veins. The driver was already out, rounding his shoulders slightly against the now gentle rain that fell from above us. He held my suitcase while I fished in my bag for my purse and got out the appropriate amount of Euro's. We traded the suitcase and money, then said farewell to each other. After the cab had drove away, I just stood there for a while and stared up at the lights, the rain falling softly around me. The building that loomed above me was tall and elegant, like an old fashioned countess, its walls were made out of white stone which was carved beautifully. I moved my suddenly stiff limbs towards the entrance and through the doors into the lobby. The plush red carpet gave way under my feet as I made my way to the desk that was at the far end of the long room. The lobby was all rich reds and dark wood, couches were dotted around the place and posters were stuck up every now and again on the cream walls.

When I arrived at the desk, I brushed my damp hair over my shoulder and smiled at the middle aged woman who sat behind the dark wooden counter. "Hello, I've come here to meet Alex Turner. He's playing here with his band here, the Arctic Monkeys..." I said hesitantly, I was still getting into the habit speaking in French.

She stood up and went to shake my hand, "Ah yes, I have been warned of your arrival."

Relief coursed through me. Alex had said he would alert the staff here of my arrival and have a backstage pass ready for me, but still I worried. I widened my eyes slightly, "Oh no. That doesn't sound too good." I said jokingly.

She laughed and ducked down, reappearing with what looked like a pass for me, "No no, he seemed very excited about seeing you." She gave me a knowing look as she walked round to my side.

I blushed and looked down at my leather clad feet, "Well I hope so."

"Believe me, I know a young man in love when I see one."

I looked back up at her and took the pass which she handed me, "In love? Maybe"

Looking down at the small card, I saw that it was red and had my name, 'Rhea Lovelock VIP' written across the front. Fancy.

I shoved it in the pocket of the small jean shorts I was wearing under my dress. The dress was kinda short and I didn't really want to give anybody an eyeful if I bent over, hence the shorts.

The women watched me with a twinkle in a her light brown eyes and then gestured towards my luggage, "Would you like me to take care of that until you will be needing it?"

I nodded enthusiastically, "Yes please, that would be great, thank you"

I helped her put them just behind the desk, taking out my phone from my bag and putting it in my pocket as I did so. She said that I could pick them up when I left. I thanked her again and then she asked my to follow her.

I did so, walking to some stairs across the almost deserted lobby, "Now I'm not going to show you backstage as it's all very dark around there and you will probably get in the way. Anyway, you'll get a better view from the balcony."

I decided not to inform her that I was used to be being behind stage, and followed her up two flights of stairs. When we finally came to a landing, I could just about hear the bass of music and the scream of the crowd.

Margaret, she had told me her name on the way up, had stopped just outside of some thick looking double doors, "Before we go in I was told to tell you that at the either side of the balcony there are doors that lead directly backstage, so just go down those when the show has ended."

I nodded, and she pushed open one of the doors releasing the smell and noise of a good concert. I walked in behind her, to be blinded by flashing lights and almost deafened by the ending notes of what sounded like Brianstorm. I looked around to see waving arms and bobbing heads. The overwhelming smell of body odours swan around me in the thick air, but I didn't mind. All I cared about was his voice, it broke through the shouts and screams of the crowd like a knife and I stumbled on something on the floor as Margaret and I pushed our way to the front of the balcony.

"Thank you Paris! 'ow's everybodeh doin' upstairs, thats what I really wanna know?" Alex said, sounding slightly out of breath. I could just about see him now as he gazed up towards the balcony giving the people around me a wave. They went crazy and I was jostled into Margaret just as we got to the front of the crowd. She tapped me on the shoulder and indicated that she was going to leave, I nodded and mouthed thank you again. As soon as she turned to go I swung my head round to look at Alex, and gasped. Jesus, he looked so fucking good. He was still waving up at people around me, his quiff was messy and sweat made his face shine in the lights. He was wearing a black shirt with two red roses on each shoulder, and to be honest I don't think I had seen anything more sexy in my entire life. I leant over the side of the balcony, my hair falling in my face. Reaching up, I pulled it out of the way, squashing it into a bun with the hair bobble on my wrist. This movement caught his eye, and he seemed to squint up at me. His eyes widened and I grinned, then put my finger to my puckered lips, giving him a wink. He smirked and I felt my insides squirm as he held my gaze and then turned away to look at the crowd at his feet.

"And 'ows everybodeh downstairs?" He said, his voice going deep and growly as he stretched out the last word. The crowd below me went wild in answer to his question.

"Alright then, lets play The View From the Afternoon ladies and gentlemen…" He trailed off as he readied his hands on the guitar that hung on his body. He strummed the electric guitar, the lights flashing and he started to head bang to the music. I went a little week at the knees as I watched him play. I swear when he got off the stage I was going to, well I wasn't actually sure, but it was going to be something big.

Throughout the song I could feel his eyes on me and after a while I wasn't just feeling hot from the body heat around me. When The View From the Afternoon had finished Alex took a swig of his drink and then jumped up onto the podium that Matt resided on like a king looking over his domain. The crowd below me moved like disturbed water as Alex bent down and said something into Matt's ear. Matt's face cracked into a smile and he glanced up to where I was standing, his eye skimmed over me, and I remembered that he actually had no idea what I looked like. They exchanged a few more words and then as if by unspoken consent, Alex jumped off the podium and the sounds of I Bet You Look Good On the Dancefloor filled the place.

The show carried on without a hitch as they played classic after classic monkey tunes, Brick by Brick, This House is a Circus (that made me laugh) and Still Take You Home. I completely got into it and danced and sang with the rest of the people that swarmed around me, and all the time his eyes were on me and mine were on him. My heart gave a little squeeze when Miles came out onto stage after Still Take You Home and they played one of my personal favorites, Little Illusion Machine (Wirral Riddler). The way they performed on stage together was just extraordinary. The little glances and touches made me really see for the first time the strong relationship between the two of them, they were truly like brothers and it warmed my heart.

Miles left the stage just before the song ended, while Alex did a bit of solo guitar that made me lick my lips in delight. They then played Pretty Visitors which I sang along to, line by line, and lapped up the almost rapping Alex. I loved Pretty Visitors just for the fact that it was so different to any of their other stuff. The way Alex sang it was just brilliant, considering a normal person struggled getting their mouth around the tongue twisting lyrics. After they had finished, Alex dedicated the next song to all the girls, which made all the women and girls in the room scream,and I was not ashamed to say that I screamed too. Although I did have an excuse as, as Alex talked, he looked straight up to where I was standing. Our eyes met across the room and the whole place seemed to disappear, I was completely submerged in his hot gaze. He broke the eye contact to play the first chords of Suck It and See. I was pretty sure that years later I would still tell the story of this moment.

I was happily staring dreamily at Alex as he sang away about kisses that could crease the rain and shangri la girls, and then he started to sing the chorus for the third time.

_"Suck it and see you, you never know, sit next to me before I go, jigsaw women with horror movie shoes..."_

He looked up and met my gaze again, "_...Be cruel to me cause I'm a fool for you, Rhea.._"

It took a moment for it to sink in and then I froze my gentle swaying and stared at him, but by he had turned away, back to the crowd. I brought my hand to my mouth, tears forming in the corners of my eyes. Do not cry Rhea, do not cry. I took a big breath and gulped, holding back the tears. You are here to enjoy yourself, not get all soppy because he sang your name, I told myself. How could I ever have doubted him? If that wasn't a pretty big declaration of affection, then I didn't know what love was anymore. The shock didn't wear off until halfway through the next song, Do Me a Favour, and by then I was in a kind of dreamy state, my eyes never leaving Alex.

I was shocked when Richard Hawley came on and I saw the the likeness between him and Alex. It made me giggle the way they both had a quiff, although you could say Richard's was a little outdated, considering he now had a receding hairline, although his still sang with all the vigour of his youth.

Watching Alex on stage was so different to anything I had ever experienced. There is certainly a difference between hungering after an artist at a concert and then just going home, to knowing that after they have come off stage you will be able to see them, to touch them, to talk to them. To be honest, now I think back on the days spent in Alex's company, I wasn't sure how it happened, I suppose I let down my guard. I swore I would never fall for someone like this again, and yet I had fallen hard. I guess I should have seen it coming, but it caught me by surprise, I wasn't looking where I was going and I fell into his dark eyes.

The last song they played was, predictably, 505, accompanied by Miles, and I'm not ashamed to say that I did in fact cry. There is just something about that song that catches you unawares, and makes you re-think a lot of things. It made my chest ache and tears fall from my eyes as I watched my man on stage, singing his heart out. When an artist writes lyrics you forget just how personal they can be, as they come straight from the heart. You are lulled into the illusion that they don't mean much by crap bands and songs that have been written by 10 people. With 505, I suppose I felt like I saw straight into Alex's heart and life, the lyrics are so raw and simple you would have to be made out of stone for the words not to prick your heart.

The last tones of the song trickled away into the air and they waved goodbye. The crowd screamed, but I didn't hear them, as Alex vacated the stage. This was it, it was time to see him. An urgency I didn't know I possessed took over me and I pushed my way along the balcony, past sweaty bodies and loud voices that washed over me. I almost fell over feet and chairs, and god knows what else, but nothing could really stop me as I half ran, half stumbled to the doors leading down to the stage. I finally got there, panting, sweat making the fine hairs stick to my damp skin, my mouth dry. I now saw that to access the stage you had to swipe a card. I momentarily panicked and then remembered my VIP card thingy. Yanking it out of my pocket, I swiped it and a small light on the device turned green, allowing me entrance. I pushed the thick door open and was blinded by a brightly lit stairway that was completely white except for the black stairs that lead down, down to him. My boots squeaked on the slippery surface of the stairs, as I flew down them, my eyes wide, trying not to fall. When I got to the bottom, there was one small black door, I stopped just outside it, took a deep breath and then pushed it open. Complete darkness. My eyes slowly adjusted, and I could now see people walking about in the small corridor backstage, carrying guitars, amps and various other things. I walked in slowly and squinted up the hallway at the figures trying to see if I recognised any. Where was he? I was just about to despair when a soft light was turned on, gently lighting up the space.

And then I saw him. And he saw me. We just looked at each other for a minute. He held a small white towel in his left hand and a bottle of water in the other. Without breaking eye contact he slowly put them on the floor and stood back up, his entire expression was complicated, his face a book in a language I didn't yet understand. I could take it no longer and I ran. I ran towards him and into his open arms, jumping and wrapping my legs around his waist, feeling his strong arms wind around me, holding me to him. I met his eyes, and then leant forwards and our lips met. He tasted of tequila and cigarette smoke, and smelled of sweat and spice. My whole body vibrated with energy and I was barely aware of him pressing me up against a wall and slowly letting me slide down to my feet. My hands found his face and hair, stroking and caressing, familiarizing themselves with the feel of him. He was all around me. His hands were felt hot through my one layer of clothing, and I longed to feel them on my skin. His lips on mine were gently pushing mine open and our tongues met. I opened my mouth more and moaned quietly, Jesus fucking christ, this is how wanted to be forever, with him. We finally broke apart, gasping, and Alex's mouth moved to my neck, sending tingles all down my body. I was vaguely aware of eyes on us, but paid no heed. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered except him. I inhaled sharply as his lips found the spot behind my ear, and my knees gave way slightly.

Without thinking really thinking about it, I spoke the words that had been in my head for days, "Alex, you got me baby, are you mine?"

He stilled, and then moved his mouth right next to my ear, I closed my eyes, "Always."

He moved his head, and I opened my eyes again to meet his.

In this world we are surrounded by all of these lies and people who talk too much. He now had got the kind of look in his eyes, as if no one knew anything but us. I suppose at the end of the day we are only dreamers, and I'm only dreaming of him. Alex, you are, and always will be, my dream.

_Your love is like a studded leather headlock_

_Your kiss it could put creases in the rain_

**So there you go! I dont know about you, but I know that all I'm thinking, is about fucking time! I really hope this lived up to your expectations of the first kiss, teehee, and I haven't let you down.**

**Also, I said in the last chapter about being patient and I just wanted to say I wasn't saying it because people were being impatient, it was more just warning to you guys that it may take longer for me to write the chapters.**

**Thank you again for the brilliant and just incredibly inspiring reviews! Sav x**


	12. It'll Be Alright, I Promise

**-It'll Be Alright, I Promise-**

_Well you cured my January blues_

_Yeah you made it all alright_

_I got a feeling I might have lit the very fuse_

_That you were trying not to light_

Do you ever have those mornings where you can't remember anything? It's like nothing exists, you have no memories. There are no endings, beginnings, yesterdays, todays, or tomorrows. All you have is right then, in that moment. In that moment of appsalute purity and bewilderment you are nothing and everything. Well that's how I felt when I woke up. I lay there in complete nothingness, feeling sleep gently slip away to the back of my mind.

I slowly became more aware that I was in fact human, and awake. I also became aware of the hand. On my thigh. My very naked thigh. I snapped open my eyes and saw, well I couldn't really work out what it was. I pulled back my head a bit, my eyes taking in the thing in front of me. I squinted and saw it was just Alex's neck, fine stubble shadowed it and his face. His breathing was slow and deep, far away from me in another world, dreaming. I now realised that I was curled into his body, my bare leg in between his, what felt like, jean clad legs, my arms pulled up between our chests. Talking of chest's, Al's was completely bare, my hands pressed flat up against it. Now I was aware of my body's where abouts, thoughts and memories started to stumble and fall into my consciousness, pictures, emotions and conversations whirled around my head.

I remembered now. After we had kissed, although that seemed to barely cover what we had shared, I met the rest of the band. They were, as I predicted, genuinely some of the most well mannered, funniest and loveliest group of guys I have ever met. I also met Miles and Richard, although Richard had to leave pretty soon afterwards to catch a flight. At first I could tell they all eyed me with a bit of well hidden suspicion, but I didn't take it personally, god know's they had a right to. Who knows how many people had come into their tight knit circle, then turned out to be leeches who sucked all they could out of their achievements. I didn't blame them, to be honest I would be a bit worried if they didn't view me with at least the smallest amount of suspicion.

While I chatted with them all, Alex's arm around me the whole time, Breanna and Katie both appeared to remind Matt and Jamie that they had planned a double date that night. Jamie and Matt had given the puppy dog eyes, and they had relented, suggesting that we all go out together for something to eat and a drink. So thats what we did, except we ended up drinking a lot more than we ate.

We had made a quick stop at the hotel where they were all staying, which was just a 3 minute walk up the street from L'Olympia, so that the guys could change their clothes and I could drop my stuff off in Alex's room. It ended up that Matt had, had to bang on Alex's door to get us to hurry up, Alex had grabbed me from behind as soon as we had entered his room and we had been completely engrossed in each other until Matt had reminded us that he was "Fookin' starving.". Alex had quickly threw on a white shirt and his blue leather jacket, grabbed my hand and we had ran downstairs to meet the rest of them. After we had, had a delicious meal at some cafe/restaurant place down the road, we had made our way to a club that was about 10 minutes drive from L'Olympia. It had been extremely loud and full to the brim with young people, a Saturday night in Paris, it was extraordinary. After we got there, we got straight down to the drinking, having a few shots each and then us three girls hit the dance floor. We tried to persuade the guys to join us but they all refused except Miles, they said they were happy to watch and make sure that other men kept their hands off us. We had laughed and turned to go Miles swinging his arm over Breana's shoulders, however Alex had grabbed me from behind, pulling me in for a rough kiss. We had only broke apart when Breana grabbed one of my arms and said there would be plenty of time for that later. After that everything got a little blurry. I remember walking back to Alex, having more to drink and dragging him out to dance. Then after that it was just flashes of memory. Dancing, shots, cigarettes and lights. Kisses, sweat, touches, dark corners that hid us from the light.

From that moment onward it was near complete blackness except for the remembrance of the feeling of hands on my body and lying in a bed. Disappointment coursed through me. I really hoped we hadn't slept together, like that. I wanted our first time to be, well, I wanted to completely sober, I wanted to remember it at least.

I did a quick assessment of how my body felt. My head was pounding slightly, but my body felt relaxed, nothing ached or was sore. It seemed that it wasn't telling me that I had, had sex, so I assumed, and hoped, we had just gone to sleep. Or maybe done other stuff, but my mind refused to go there when I was pressed up against him. Talking of Alex, his hand had now slipped higher up my leg, and I realised that I was actually resting my head on his other arm.

I slowly moved my head away from him, and extracted my leg from his grasp, our skin stuck together for a second and then we were apart. I squinted around the room, everything was bright colours and right now I wished for my thick curtains at home, at least they were sympathetic to people that drank too much.

Feeling a cold breeze to my left, I looked to see soft linen curtains billowing slightly in the breeze from what I guessed to be an open window. Moving as quietly and smoothly as a hungover person can, I put my feet on the floor and made to stand up, the duvet falling off my body. Only then did I become aware of what I was wearing. Or rather what I wasn't wearing. I was literally in just my underwear. I glanced back at Alex who was still asleep, his face half buried in the pillow on my side of the bed, the rest of the bed stretched out for miles behind him. I stayed looking at him, taking in the slightly puckered lips and the soft rise and fall of his bare chest that just poked out from under the covers. He looked completely sure of himself, lying there, with nothing to bother him except the dreams that I could see gently dancing across his face.

I stood up and the room span slightly, making me sway, and scrunch my eyes up. Ok, so I was a little more than just hangover, I was tired. What time had we gone to bed last night? I looked around the room to see my clothes in a pile that looked like someone who had, had too much too drink had tried to be tidy. I glanced again at Alex, still asleep. Taking small steps, I walked towards the white curtains and towards the light, gently brushing them aside when I got there. The light from outside filled my vision and I was blind, my head screaming in pain. I clamped my eyes shut and then opened them slowly, letting them get used to the light. When they had finally got their vision back I moved forwards onto the tiny balcony that was just outside the two french doors. The chill from outside hit my bare skin and made me shiver, yet my senses seemed to become fully awake as I gazed down at the street below me. For a minute I simply looked, taking in my surroundings.

It was like some old fashioned French film. A few people walked along the street below me, cream coloured buildings loomed up above them and across from me. Everything screamed wealth and it was so god damn beautiful. A few small trees lined the street, their naked branches reaching up to the over cast sky. I shivered again, the cold creeping into my bones.

"Rhea?"

I gasped slightly as he called my name. Turning around quickly, I shut the glass door and pulled the linen curtains out of the way, but kept them up against my body, letting them cover my almost nakedness. Alex was sitting up, leaning on one arm, rubbing his face with the other. He looked up as I pulled the cloth away from the window, and a small smile of relief stumbled sleepily onto his face.

My lip's twitched, "Hey."

He lay back down and pulled the covers up to his chin, so only his head peaked up, "What are you doin'?"

I jerked my head in the direction of the window behind me, "Just having a breath of fresh air." I was kind of nervous now about my nakedness. Sure my underwear covered all the 'important' bits, but I suddenly felt naked, physically and emotionally. What the hell had we done last night?

"Have you finished?" He said, his eyes shining.

I frowned slightly, "Finished what?"

"Having some fresh air."

I nodded, still keeping the cloth around my body.

He sat up again, leaning up against the headboard, letting the duvet fall to his waist. I averted my eyes. Keep it together Rhea.

"Well then, I'm ready." A mischievous smile lit up his face.

I couldn't help smiling back, even though I had no idea what he was talking about, "For what?"

He shook his head at me, his hair falling into his eyes, he brushed it away, "Well, for my mornin' kiss of course."

I couldnt help it and I laughed out loud, letting it fill me up. Sobering, I gazed at him for a second. Fuck it. Yanking the curtain aside, I dashed towards the bed, leaping at the last minute so I landed just on Alex's legs. He brought up his hands and placed them around my back, pulling my forward. I rested my hands on the wall behind him, so that I stopped just before I reached his mouth.

I cocked my head to one side, "What's the magic word?"

He rolled his eyes and brought his face closer to mine, just so our noses touched, running his hands up my back. Our eyes met, and I sucked in a breath, my stomach filling with butterflies.

"Please?"

I pretended to consider this for a minute, but Alex had, had enough. He moved his hands to the back of my neck and brought our faces together, my chest touching his. Our lips touched, and I couldn't help but smile into the kiss, his lips curled up on mine, and he laughed quietly into my mouth. I pulled back, and then gave him one last peck. Crawling off his lap, I pulled the duvet aside, and slid back underneath it, the heat from his body instantly started to warm me.

"Jesus Rhea, you're freezin'" Alex said, as he wrapped his arms around me.

I turned into them and brought my lips to his neck, letting them brush up against his skin, while I talked, "Yeah, well thats what happens when you go outside in only your underwear."

He shivered slightly at the touch of my mouth and I smirked. Yeah, I still got it. "May I ask why I'm wearing next to nothing?"

"Well, when we came back last night you were, like, complainin' about bein' really hot or summet, so I undressed you…" He trailed off and then started again, "I can't really remember much, but I know nothin' 'appened, you were very tired."

Relief coursed through me. I slowly dragged my teeth across Alex's neck, tasting salt on the tip of my tongue, he pulled me closer, "I'm glad nothing happened, like that." I stopped and brushed my lips against his, then started again, "I want to at least be able to remember it…" I trailed off, and closed my eyes as his lips dragged down my cheek.

"Oh Rhea…" He pushed my back onto the bed, the mattress sagging beneath our combined weight. I lifted my head up and gasped as he kissed my neck. I couldn't think of anything to say. I was idiotically entranced by the way he said 'Rhea'. The tone of it. The way his lips formed the vowels. The timbre of his voice stuck in my head like music. He was like a song I had heard when I was a little kid, but forgot I knew until I heard it again.

Alex had now moved downwards towards my belly, I arched my back, my eyes fluttered closed. The stillness of the room was filled with my gasps. If this was how I was going to be with him, there would be nothing left of me afterwards except a pile of ashes.

The silence was suddenly broken by the my belly gurgling in protest. Alex stopped, his face still pressed against my skin, laughter filled the air as he chuckled. I relaxed and let out a giggle. Trust me to ruin a moment like this for food, but then again, my love for food was extremely strong. Alex lent up to so that he was straddling my waist, and grinned down at me.

I laughed, "Well, the stomach has spoken. I'm sorry, but I must comply to its needs."

He brought his hands to his chest as if he had been wounded, "And what 'bout my needs?"

I spread my hands, "Well I think you can wait, because if I don't eat, your needs will never we tended to. I'm sorry, I just feel like I am filled with air at the moment, if I don't eat soon, I will actually expire."

He groaned and rolled off me to my right, landing on the bed with a thump. He made a noise of pain, and brought his hand up to his head, "Ah, my head…"

I looked at him, and rolled my eyes, "Well, in case you haven't noticed, when you drink a lot, you get a hangover the next morning." I said sweetly, pushing the hair off his forehead. He caught my hand in his and brought it to his lips.

"You're mistaken. I never get hangovers." He said grandily.

I snorted, "Bullshit.", and pulled my hand out of his, leaning over him and then lying over his chest sideways. Stretching out my hand I grabbed what looked like a small menu off the side table. I squirmed back to my side and rested my head on Alex's chest.

"So on a scale of one to ten, how hungry are you?"

I felt him sigh, "We're actually goin' to eat?"

I rolled my head to the side and looked up at him, "Yes Al, we are actually going to eat, and then I need a shower because I feel like that club last night is still all over me.

I ran my hands through my bed hair, and came to a sticky spot at the end of one of the strands. I sniffed it. Vodka and pineapple. Ew, I hate vodka.

Groaning in disgust, I sat up, throwing the menu in his direction, " I have Vodka in my hair. Great."

I threw the duvet off me, no longer caring about my nakedness, and stood up, stretching my arms above my head. I could feel his eyes rake over me.

"You're temptin' my patience."

Looking over my shoulder, meeting his hot eyes, and gave him a wink, "Remember, patience is a virtue."

He slid back down into the bed and pulled a pillow over his face, "Fook virtues."

I leant down and swiped what looked like a grey hoodie from off the floor, "Please don't. Now you're with me, I'm afraid I'm the only one you can fuck." I said this as I pulled the hoodie up and over my head, shoving my arms down the sleeves. It smelled of him and I took a breath, closing my eyes.

"What did you just say?"

I turned round to where Alex was staring at me from his nest of the covers. I got down onto my hands and knees, and padded towards him across the bed, "I said," I brought my face close to his, "The only one you can fuck, is me. Got it?"

He swallowed, his eyes moved to my lips. I brushed them up against his and he his hands wound into my hair. After a little while I pulled back, and reached my hand up to cup his face, "Now, can you order some food? I'm just going to go to the loo."

I crawled back off the bed, standing and walking towards the door at the other side of the room. I opened it, and shut it quietly behind me. The room I was in now was a sort of lounge/kitchen. Big windows rose up to the ceiling on one side so that they looked out across the street to the opposite buildings, while a couple of couches and a chair were arranged around a small fire place. There was a desk in one corner and a TV rested on another table next to it. There was a bunch of red roses in a vase on a small table near the door that lead out to the landing. When I had come here with Alex last night I had barely taken in the room, as I was more occupied with kissing him than anything else. Now as I looked around the room, I felt very far away from home. I wasn't used to this...this wealth. Sure they were only staying for a night or two, but still this must be costing a fortune, it was a four star hotel after all.

My toes curled into the thick cream rug underneath me as I made my way to another door across the room. I pushed it open and gasped at what lay before me. It was a huge bathroom, complete with jacuzzi and a claw footed bath. I shut the door behind me, the click from the latch cut through the grand room before me, it was nearly the size of my bedroom for fucks sake. I walked over to the giant mirror that took over much of the wall to my left, underneath it were two identical sinks, complete with gold taps. I looked in the mirror and gasped in shock. Jesus, I looked awful. There was bags under my eyes, left over make up smudging them darker, my lips were swollen looking and red, and was that a spot?" I ran the cold tap and cupped the water in my hands, letting it run through my fingers. Taking a breath, I splashed the water on my face, letting it shock me awake. I opened my eyes, watching the rivulets run off my face. Rubbing at the make up under my eye, it revealed much lighter skin underneath the black stuff, I wiped until there was none left. Grabbing a white towel that hung next to me, I brushed off the last bits of water on my face and then leant up against the sink, breathing hard.

I couldn't believe I was actually doing this, letting this happen. Shit. Deep in my heart I knew I was going to be ok, we were going to ok, but on the surface old fears lay waiting like snipers ready to shoot me with doubt whenever they got a chance. I rubbed my hand across my face and sighed, I was not going to think of this today, I was going to enjoy as much time as I could with him before he left. Before I left. I gulped back a whimper of despair and half ran out of the room, not bothering to shut the door as I went. I shoved open the door back into the bedroom, my eyes wildly searching for him. He was standing at the window, holding the curtain aside as he gazed out towards the real world. Smoke curled from the last bit of a fag in his hand, a car honked and I could now now hear the hum of the city around us. Life moving forwards, alway moving.

"Alex?"

He jerked round as if he had just woken up, letting the curtain sway back into place, "What?"

"Catch me."

He through the cigarette butt out of the window, and I ran, he opened his arms, his face splitting into a gorgeous smile. Jumping, I wrapped my legs and arms around him, nestling my head in his neck, and breathing in his scent. He held me by my bare thighs, and I hooked my feet together behind his back.

"You alright love?" I could smell the smoke on his breath.

"Hmm, yeah…" I said in a voice so low I wasn't sure if he could hear me. But of course he could, he could everything I heard.

We stayed like this for a little while, ok to just be with each other. We didn't need anything or anybody else. A life is measured by moments like these.

Our moment was eventually broken when there was a 'ding dong' from the direction of the door. Alex gently lowered me down to the floor, my feet tingled from the lack of blood in them, I didn't mind. He held my head to his mouth for a minute and then let me go, "I'll get it." On his way out he swiped a black t-shirt from off the floor.

I watched him walk away, and bit my lip. Walking over to where I had noticed my shorts from last night lying on the floor, I picked them up and slid them on over my black knickers. Before I went out, I quickly grabbed my phone from out of my bag that was half under the bed. I gazed fondly at the rumpled sheets.

Alex was laying out a few steaming dishes on the table next to the small kitchen area when I walked into the room, the person who had brought the food up was nowhere to be seen. There were croissants, fruit, toast, eggs, and jam, my stomach gurgled and I went and sat down on one of the four seats around the wooden table. Alex sat opposite me, clasping his hands together.

I leant forwards, resting my chin in my hands, "So any idea of what you want to do today?"

He shook his head, and pulled a pile of toast towards him, "We gotta go an' do a run through for the show tonight at four, but until then I'm free to do whatever really. What would you like to do?"

I scrunched up my face and sat up straight, pulling my hair up with the hair bobble that was always on my wrist, "Well, I don't know about you, but I would quite like to see a bit of Paris before I go." Now time had become part of the conversation, I turned on my phone to look at the time, _'11:08_'. Wow, it felt a lot later, but the again, time plays tricks on us all.

Alex was concentrating on buttering and didn't answer until he was done, "Yeah, whatever really, I'm 'appy to just hang out...with you." He pointed his buttery knife at me and then went back to buttering another piece.

Smiling, I snitched a piece off his plate and took a bite of the carby goodness. He lifted his head slowly, eyebrows raised, my mouth twisted as I struggled to keep back a laugh, he just shook his head at me and returned to what he was doing before.

Putting down my toast I reached across and snagged a pot of what smelled like coffee off a tea tray beside us. I poured it into the small coffee cups between us, finishing them off with some milk and a teaspoon of sugar in mine from a small china pot.

Without talking, we moved around each other, eating and occasionally reading things from the English paper that had been brought up with our breakfast. My feet were in Alex's lap and he held them in his hand as he ate and read the paper on the table next to him. I loved the simplicity of it, I felt completely relaxed.

"Rhea?"

I looked up from an extremely boring article on how the world was going to end this year, "Yeah?"

"Do you mind…" He stopped and looked down at his plate that was almost empty, "Do you mind me being, like, quite a bit older than you?"

He continued to stare down at his plate, I frowned at him, but he didn't meet my eyes. Putting aside my bit of the paper, I leant forwards towards him and pondered his strange question. Where the hell had this come from?

I played with my fingers, looking down at the chipped black nail varnish on the nails, "No it's only what, seven years...No I don't mind, at all. What I do mind is what other people think of it. I hate to admit it, but it's true."

I looked up and met his eyes, "You haven't seen any of what people are saying have you?"

His brow puckered in confusion, "No I 'avent."

I picked at an abandoned crust on my plate, "Well, they urm, found out who I am, just by looking for other pictures of me on the internet I suppose."

"And?" I could hear the badly disguised concern in his voice, it gave me strength.

"Well lets just say there have been some lovely supportive comments, saying how happy they are to see you happy and so on. And then there are the other ones." I stopped and blinked, "Apparently I'm using you, I'm a whore, slut, hoe, money grabbing bitch, a stupid man stealing little girl, a-"

"Rhea, stop. Just stop it."

I looked up at him, tears filling my eyes. Why do I have to do this? Why do I always have to ruin everything?

"I'm sorry." I said quietly, taking me feet out off his lap and looking at the wall behind Alex's left ear.

"What the 'ell are you apologisin' for Rhea?" I looked into his angry eyes, " You 'ave absolutely nothin' to say sorry for."

"No Alex, I am a whore and a slut. You don't know anything about what I used to be like." I heard his intake of breath, "You deserve Arabella, not silly old broken me."

There was silence from the other side of the table.

"Who the fook is Arabella?"

I smiled without humour, "She's was my imaginary friend, and in some ways still is. She's everything I'm not. She's beautiful, clever, talented, strong and pure. When she gets things wrong, she works it out, when she falls, she gets up again, she protects the people she loves."

His hands slipped into mine, and I held onto them like a lifeline.

"But Rhea, I want you." I looked up at him, meeting his patient eyes, "And I want Arabella, cause sweet'eart, you are Arabella. You're beautiful, clever, talented, strong and ever so pure. When you get things wrong, you're alright, you work it out, when you fall you get back up again, I've seen it with my own eyes. And fookin' 'ell do you protect the ones you love. Don't you ever let some stupid silly little girls change what an extraordinary woman you are."

My mouth trembled. I leant forwards and ever so gentle pressed my lips to his, opening my mouth and breathing him in. Our mouths moved together, as one, complete. I sighed and pulled back, disconnecting my hands from his. He blinked at me, his mouth in a relaxed smirk. I bit my lip, and smiled back, suddenly embarrassed.

I jerked my thumb back towards the bedroom, "I'm gonna go and, um, have a shower." I stood up and turned to go. Stopping when I was halfway to the door, I ran back to his side. Leaning down to him, I cupped his face in my hands, "Thank you." I brushed my lips against his and then jogged out of the room.

_/\_/\/\_

After I had grabbed a change of clothes from my suitcase, I went and had one of the most perfect showers I have ever had. The power behind the jet of the water pounded into my sore and stiff muscles, making me groan. It was so good. I decided to indulge in the hotels complimentary shower soaps, shampoo and conditioner, I was going to smell like a florists when I got out of here.

I gasped in wonder when I vacated the shower. The bathroom was warm, it was such a luxury, as at home the bathroom was normally fucking freezing. Drying myself I revelled in the luxurious feeling of the fluffy towel against my skin, the smell of roses hung in the air. I could see very clearly how easy it was to disappear into this world, this world of money and all things perfect. I shook my head at myself. Really I should know better, I had seen behind the glitter and gold, and all is not as it seems, all this extravagance is just an extremely flimsy shield against the real world.

After I had dried myself I quickly shaved, brushed my teeth, moisturised myself and blow dried my hair with the hair dryer that was hung by the side of the bath. When it was nearly dry I piled it on my head, and started to put on what I had chosen for today. I had decided on a dark blue cotton dress that ended just above my knees and had a sort of wrap around on the cleavage area. It was something I had bought in South of France last Summer. Reminding myself it was cold outside I pulled on some thick black tights.

Now my hair. I let it fall down around my face, and stared at it for a minute. I made up my mind on a simple crown plait, it was my favourite hairstyle and you could say I was quite a dab hand at it now. I separated my hair down the centre and started to plait it on one side, up and around my head. Tieing the end of that plait with a tiny plastic band, I then started on the other. When they were both done, I pulled them around my head, pulling some hair out to frame my face, and pinned them into place. When I was satisfied with the look, I grabbed my makeup bag and pulled out mascara and my red lipstick. I put both on, did a last check and opened the bathroom door, carrying my bath bag and hairbrush though the lounge area and into the bedroom. Alex was bent over one of his bags which was shoved into the small walk in wardrobe, pulling out clothes and holding them up. He was at this moment in time inspecting a dark grey shirt that had a vintage look about it, I could see a pair of black jeans neatly folded next to his feet.

I padded quietly across the thick carpet and stopped by the neatly made bed, "I like that one." I said quietly as not to surprise him of my presence.

My efforts were to no avail and he swung around, holding the shirt to his chest, pushing his hair out of his face, "Fookin' 'ell Rhea, make some sound will you."

I snorted and walked over to my suitcase, "Oh I'm sorry grampa, your ear aids not working today or something?"

I felt him behind me before he touched me, it was as if my body was always aware of where he was. His arms slid around my waist, and his lips found my neck. I closed my eyes, and sighed.

"By the way, you look beautiful. I love you hair like this."

I smiled, and then pulled away, he hands stayed on my neck as I bent down, putting my stuff back in my suitcase, "Well you still smell like the club, so go and shower before I have to make you."

He chuckled, as I bent my head, looking through my stuff, "I would be more inclined to, if you were to join me."

I rolled my eyes, "I'm sorry babe, but I wouldn't want to get dirty again." I stood back up and looked at him from under my lashes, pursing my lips and cocking my head to the side.

I wobbled as he stepped forwards and caught my head in his hands, pressing my lips to his, our teeth met and I gasped into his mouth. I ran my tongue across his lower lip and he groaned, pulling me hard against him, my hands found their way to the bottom of his t-shirt, fingers skimming along skin.

A loud banging from the direction of the door suddenly reached our ears, Alex pulled away and rested his forehead against mine. We were both out of breath, eyes closed.

"Fook sake" Al pulled away from me and turned in the direction of the door, I reached out and grabbed his arm.

"It's alright, I'll get it. You go and have a shower."

He nodded, then casting me one last look, sauntered towards the door and out to the bathroom. I took a deep breath, glancing in the small mirror on the dressing table to check everything was in place. My eyes were bright and my cheeks red, a glimmer of a smile was evident on my mouth.

I made my way to the door out into the lounge and then headed in the direction of the other door that lead out of the hotel suite. I unlocked it and pulled it open, coming face to face with Matt. I jumped back in surprise, "Jesus christ Matt don't _do that._"

"Sorry." He said, not sorry at all.

"He has this thing about trying to give people heart attacks when they open the door."

I looked round Matt to see Breana, her brown eyes taking everything in.

I walked back into the room, followed by them both, "It's alright. I grew up with four brothers and lots of guy friends who thought it was absolutely hilarious to scare me. You could say I built up a resistance."

Matt snorted behind me and threw himself into one of the armchairs, looking around, "I swear Al always gets the nice rooms. Where is the man anyway?"

I indicated the door to the bathroom, where the shower could be heard running, "Having a shower, he needed it. When we woke up we both stank of that club last night, I swear they like sprayed us with some shit in there."

Breana smiled and sat down on the arm of Matt's chair while I sat on the edge of the table, "Yeah, I know what you mean, last night was pretty crazy, to be honest I can't remember loads of it."

I nodded and rubbed the back of my neck, stray hairs catching on my hand, "You're telling me, after we had those first few shots, it just flashes of memory, they must have been strong stuff."

Matt let out a snort of laughter, "I'll tell you what I do remember. I remember one of the bouncers comin'' up to you and Al, where you were makin' out or summet in the corner, and like pullin' you two apart, cause you were really going for it. Well as you can guess Al wasn't that 'appy 'bout it so tried to deck 'im. Totally failed. I think that was 'bout the time we left."

I put my hand to my mouth and let out a snort of laughter, "You fucking serious? I do not remember that at all."

Breana laughed and leant back against Matt, "I'm not surprised, we were all bloody pissed."

I laughed and looked at how easily they moved around each other, it really was lovely.

Breana reached over and snagged the paper off the side of the table sliding back onto Matt's lap, she opened it up and scanned a page, Matt reading from behind her.

I turned and started to clear up the remains of breakfast, piling the plates on top of each other and the other dishes above them. Just as I finished with the last dish I realised that there was no longer the sound the shower trickling out from under the bathroom door. I picked up my phone from where I had left it on the table and plugged it into the small, but powerful, looking speakers on the side. Wealth, right there people. I turned it on and pressed shuffle on my music. Black Magic Woman, Fleetwood Mac, poured from the speakers, I cringed and was just about to press next when a shout from Matt stopped me.

"I love this song."

Leaving my phone on the side, I turned back to him and raised my eyebrows at him, "Really Matt?"

He nodded his head enthusiastically, "Yeah, really. We done a cover of it before, 'aven't we Brea." Breana nodded in confirmation of his words.

I waltzed over and held out my hands, "Well then, care for a dance?"

Breana got up, and sat on the side of the armchair, giving Matt a push on the shoulder, "Go on, you two dance, I wanna film this." She said as she pulled her phone out of her small designer jeans.

Matt jumped up and grabbed my waiting hands, "You don't need to ask me twice."

I giggled as he twirled me around, and then we started to dance around the room. I was surprised at the easiness in which Matt moved to the music, and low and behold, he knew the waltz. We danced together, a smile permanently on my lips, our laughter filled the room, while Breana giggled from her chair, pointing her phone at us. As the song speeded up we started to move our arms around more, spinning, and moving our feet in small quick steps

Matt's face glowed, "Jesus Rhea, you can really dance."

I shrugged, moving my shoulders to the beat, "Well I didn't leave college with a distinction in Dance for nothing you know."

Matt laughed and twirled me around pulling me to him, so that my back was pressed against his chest, my arms crossed on my chest.

"Oi! What you doin' with my woman wanker?" Came a voice from behind us. We whirled around to face Alex where he stood, I breathed in a sharp breath as I saw him. His hair was newly done in a messy quiff, his face was smooth devoid of stubble and his clothes clung to him. My gaze ran down his body, all the way down to his feet that were red from the shower, my belly clenched in the normality of it. Sometimes you see someone in such a bright light, you forget that they are really, just human. Matt let go of me, but I looped my arm over his shoulder and gave him a wink.

Alex started to grin at us, as we tried to hold in our laughter. "What do you think we're doin'?" Matt said. Breana couldn't hold it back any longer and let out a soft snort, bowing her head in giggles. I let out a laugh and then couldn't stop, I clung onto Matt for support, although he too was finding it hard to keep upright.

Alex crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow, tapping his foot, just looking at him made me laugh more, "When you're quite finished." He said, his false irritated voice enlaced with laughter.

My stomach was starting to hurt, and I bit my tongue, hoping to stem the flow of my laughter. It worked and I took a deep breath.

The music had now changed to one of my aerial performance pieces, the haunting music filled the room. I walked back to my phone and went to pause it, tapping the button and unplugging it from the speakers.

"What was that, I don't recognise it from anywhere?" Alex's voice graced my ears from just behind me.

I turned round to face him and he brushed a bit of hair out of my eye, "You wouldn't, it was especially made for me by a friend of mine, it's called Pandora."

Alex nodded in acceptance, "Well, it's quite beautiful."

"Yeah, it's my favorite song to perform to so far."

"I would love to see you perform at some point." His voice was low.

"And I would too." Matt said from across near where Brea sat.

I bit my lip, "That would be great if you could. I...well, it's one of the things I love most in the world."

I felt Alex's thumb swirling against my hip bone and dared not look up at him as I said this. It used to be the thing I loved most in the world, now I wasn't so sure.

I came back to the present as Matt spoke, "Go on the then Rhea, do a bit of circus for us."

I scanned my mind for something simple, and then smirked, "Alright, Alex, lie down." I said as I disengaged myself from him.

"What?" He looked at me, completely puzzled.

I raised my eyebrows at him and pointed at the floor, "Lie down, on your back, on the floor, please."

Matt snorted, and I heard the click of Breana's phone. One thing I had learnt about Brea in the short time that I had known her was that she loved to document things, her photography skills were superb. She had let me flick through some of her pictures the other night, I had been in awe of some of the moments she had been able to capture.

Alex was still looking confused but did as I asked, and went and lay down in the middle of the room where it was mostly empty. I rolled my wrists and shoulders, cracking my neck to the side, Alex gave me a worried look from on the floor. I winked down at him and went to stand just above his head, facing his feet.

I tucking a strand of hair behind my ear and pointed at his face, "Now don't move ok?"

He nodded, keeping his mouth shut, a crease had appeared in between his eyebrows, I couldn't help letting out a laugh.

I leant down and placed my hands on the floor, either side of his chest, kicking my legs up into the air and straightening my body, until I was completely upside down, my toes pointing towards the ceiling. My dress fell down but managed to cling to my butt, although I couldn't care at all if anybody saw my knickers through my tights.

"Fookin' 'ell." I heard Matt exclaim.

Keeping my muscles completely controlled, I walked my hands down towards his feet, my body barley wobbling. Alex had now lifted himself up so he could see me better and was he resting on his elbows, looking at me, a small smile on his lips. An idea popped into my head and I walked my hands backwards until my head was level with Alex's. I opened my legs until they were in a split position to give me more balance, and leant forwards touching lips to Alex's. It was really quite weird kissing someone upside down, but It worked and his mouth moulded around mine. Before I could let my body relax into the kiss, I stag-ed my legs behind me, and then brought them down to the floor, so I was in crab position over his head, I rocked myself to standing and blew stray hairs out of my face.

Bringing my hands above my head and pointing one foot forwards, I did a bow, "Ta da."

There was clapping from Matt and Brea, as I came up from my bow, and Alex got to his feet.

He crossed his arms, and gave me a once over, "Y'know you see that shit in theatres, at all those big shows 'nd you just put it down to magic of it, then you see it here, in an ordinary hotel 'nd it becomes very real 'nd you're just like, _holy shit_, people can actually do stuff like that."

I looked down shyly, scrunching toes up in my tights, "Well what can I say, a lot of work goes into it."

Alex put his hand to my cheek and I looked up, "You were brilliant darlin'"

I bit my lip, "Thank you." I turned my head into his hand, and half closed my eyes.

"Alright you too, enough of that, what's the plan for today?" Matt interrupted. I heard an audible smack, I assumed Brea had hit him for ruining the moment.

I heard Alex smile, and opened my eyes fully, sliding my left arm around his waist, while he draped one arm over my shoulders.

"Well we were planning to go out…" I left an unspoken question on the end for Alex, I wasn't sure if he wanted it to just be us, I didn't mind really. I was coming to enjoy Matt's and Brea's company more and more, as I spent time with them.

"Do you guys wanna tag along?" Alex picked up from where I had left off, I gave his side a small squeeze.

"We would love too." Brea said from Matt's side, meeting my eyes. I looked into her dark ones, and saw the unspoken question, were we really sure, or we were just being nice. I smiled at her, and she visibly relaxed.

I disentangled myself from Alex's warm embrace and turned towards the our bedroom, "Well I just need to go and grab my coat and boots."

Brea got up from the chair and grabbed Matt's sleeve, "Yeah, ok, we'll go and get our stuff ready, meet you in the lobby in about ten minutes?"

I glanced at Alex, who nodded. Before I got to the door, I turned around nearly bumping into Alex who was right behind me, as I had remembered something, "Hang on, what about the others?"

Matt waved at the air in front of him, "Ah, don't worry about 'em. James has already gone out with Katie, an' Nick is out shopping for Kelly or summet, maybe we'll meet up with 'em later."

"And what about Miles?"

"I'll send 'im a quick text." Alex said from behind me, pulling out his phone from his jean pocket.

"Cool, just text them or something to see if they want to come, I don't know, whatever you think." I said to Matt, and then turned back in the direction I was heading. I heard the door shut just behind us as we made it to the bedroom door. Seeing that he had finished texting, I grabbed Alex's hand and pulled him into the room, to the bed, where I leapt, holding onto him the whole time, we landed with a thump. Our legs were entangled, my head on his chest, and left arm under his head, while the other sprawled across his chest, the fingers making creases in his shirt where they gripped the material.

I closed my eyes, and nuzzled my face into his neck, he pulled my closer, "Are you really alright with them coming, or are you just being nice?"

There was a moment of silence, and then he took a breath from the warm air around us, "I think it will be nice, for all of us to go out again.." He trailed off and I felt his fingers twirl across the back of my neck, "They seem to really like you. Matt...he, well, when I came back an' told 'im what 'appened, not going into details, he gave me a right lecture on 'ow I should 'ave gone back an' kissed you until you were mine."

I snorted, letting out a small laugh and then sobered, "He's probably right, although I said some truly horrible things, I'm not sure he would have stayed if he had been in your shoes." My voice was muffled in skin, and I was started to feel a little light headed from his scent.

I felt him carefully kiss my brow, sending tingles down my spine, "Oh I wouldn't be so sure. Breana, gave 'im a lot of shit when they first started together. He did things I wouldn't ever 'ave 'ad the guts to do. Now I'm not so sure what could stop me from being by your side an' kissing you."

My gut twisted, and my voice was barely audible when I spoke, "I bet the Atlantic Ocean will."

Alex had told me that they were planning to do a tour with The Black Keys for their El Camino Tour of America and various American festivals from March all the way through to near the end of June. After this short tour around Europe that ended on the 8th of this month, they would be free for about just about three weeks and then were traveling out to America for the 2nd of March. Knowing that I had barely a month with Alex until he was away across the world for nearly four months almost brought me to tears. I knew that I could go and visit him for a while but my Summer break didn't start until the end of May. I suppose that I did have my Easter break in April, but it was only for a little while.

Al's voice brought me out of my mind and back to the now, "We'll sort something out. We'll 'ave to, I won't, I _can't_ not see you for four months, that's just insanity."

I sighed and sat up, scorching off the bed, " I know, I know, I just...I don't know, it just makes me feel weird imagining you all that way away, making all those new memories without me there to see them or even be a part of them."

I heard and felt the bed give way underneath him as he sat with me at the end of the bed. He didn't touch me except where our shoulders brushed against each other. Opposite us was a long mirror, reflecting our images back at us. I looked at him through the mirror, as he looked back at me on the reflective service. We looked so different, my skin was peaches and cream, just like my grandmother always said, my hair blonde with gold entwined, my eyes bright, the blue emphasised by the deep black around the colour. I stared at him as he sat next to me in all his dark glory, his skin made nut brown by the Australian sun, hair almost black and eyes the colour of dark chocolate. I shivered as they bored into soul, searching for the dark places I kept hidden from everyone and myself.

Breaking eye contact, I stood up and shakily walked to my suitcase to pull out my black over coat and Doc Martens. I heard him move behind me towards his stuff, the rustle of his clothes drifted through the air.

"It'll be alright, I promise." He said, although he sounded more like he was muttering it to himself, than speaking to me.

According to Shakespeare in Sonnet 116,_ 'Love's not Time's fool'_ and I sincerely hoped it was true.

_Do you ever get that fear that you can't shift_

_The type that sticks around like summat in your teeth?_

_Are there some aces up your sleeve?_

_Have you no idea that you're in deep?_

**So there you go, it took me what feels like ages to write this chapter, I'm not really sure why, it just took a lot out of me. Also I have been quite unwell for a while now. I think about a day after I put out my last chapter I fainted and had a panic attack, and let me tell you I have never been so scared in my entire life. Your reviews were what made a smile come back on my face, and started me writing again when I felt like I could hardly do anything, so thank you so much.**

**Sav x**


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